Jackie would like to share their story with you. Please be advised that it contains some unsettling material. Here is their story in her words...
"Not too long ago, my husband Jake, shared a story with me about a little boy passing away. I immediately grabbed my heart, took a deep breath and teared up. I was so deeply saddened. I could not imagine the pain the parents went through. I was right. The pain of losing your child is nothing you can ever imagine. It actually hurts physically. They are a part of every aspect of your life. You see them in all and everything you do. You cannot escape it. Something as simple as seeing his sippy cup sitting at his spot at the table is excruciating. The image of him from that day is forever burned into my mind. It is there when I least expect it, when I shut my eyes, when I walk into his rom...it's there...haunting me... forever. For you who know me, know how fiercely I love my children. They are my whole life. The best part of my life. They are everything. My one job in this world is to make sure they are happy, healthy, and safe. I failed. I know I should not blame myself, but I do. Curren needed me.He needed me. He needed me to save him. The one time that he needed me, I was not there for him, and that guilt, I will feel for the rest of my life. I just want my baby. I want him back. I hurt so deeply. And I am angry that I was not there for him.
The story begins Tuesday, Febrary 25th.
I went up to get Curren dressed for breakfast like I do every morning. As soon as I opened the door, I knew something was wrong. The dresser was completely flipped over. Then, I saw his body underneath the dresser. At that point, I started screamig. His head was trapped between the edge of the bed and all of the weight of the dresser was laying across his neck. I tried ripping the dresser off of him. It took me a couple of tries to pick it up. I wedged my body between the dresser and Curren, so I could scoop him up. I tried to pick him up like I normally do, but his little body and neck was so floppy. I am not sure why I thought he would be ok. I think I was just in denial. His face was completely purple from broken blood vessels, but he was still warm. I placed him on the bed and tried to feel for a heart beat. At the time, I was still screaming and uncontrollably shaking...I'm not sure why they say check for a heart beat. I was shaking so bad I would never have found one. I picked him up in my arms and rushed downstairs. I immediately called 911 and began CPR...the ambulance came and took my baby to Paoli hospital without me. I answered all of the detectives questions. Gave my statement and waited for the little boy's mom that I was watching to come pick him up...While I was waiting, I told Jake to get to the hospital ASAP. While a police officer drove me to the hospital, I kept thinking that he would be ok. I thought I would walk into the room, and I would see his big blue eyes. That he would just need time to heal. I never thought in a million years that he wouldn't make it. When I walked into the ER, they pulled me aside and told me to wait down the hall in a little room. As soon as they said it, my heart sank. I knew that something was very wrong, but I still thought he would be ok. Jake walked in the room. I asked him if he was ok. He shook his head and told me that he died. I started screaming at him that he was lying. That he was lying and that my baby wasn't dead. Why was he lying to me...? He told me that he was not lying. I just screamed and screamed and screamed. The only way that I can explain it was that my heart was being ripped out of my body. It was a soul piercing scream that only a mother can make. I then yelled at everyone to let me see him. Looking back, I feel so bad for scaring the whole ER. I went through the door to find my little boy laying on the bed with tubes coming out of his mouth. He was so small. He was so still. I went and wrapped my arms around him and hugged his cold body. I held his little hand. I rubbed his beautiful little feet and begged him to come back to me. I held my still little boy in my arms for an hour after he died. I kissed his face. I felt like I was dying and at that point I wanted to. I then realized that I would never see his blue eyes again. I would never wake him up and have him run into my arms and say 'Morning Mama. love you. Dressed? Breakfast?' I would never put him to sleep by singing him all his favorite songs and tickling him like crazy. After I held him and said goodbye, I just wanted to hug my other three children; Aiden, Bella, and Hayes.
It is the little things that sneak up on you and literally bring you to your knees. It is seeing his sippy cup sitting at his spot at the table. It is seeing the empty chair while we eat dinner. It is opening the pantry to find his play food put away with the real food. Finding his cars in his secret hiding places. Telling the kids to keep their voices down, because the baby is sleeping before you realize what just slipped out of your mouth. It is moving something up higher, so that he can't get it. It is walking into his room and smelling...him...looking at his little slippers that he puts away carefully everyday. I am wondering how we are going to get through this. Will we ever heal? Will the pain become more unbearable? Will the things that are causing so much pain now give me a little smile in the future? I just want my baby. I want him back.
The reason I had to share this story with so much detail is that I don't ever want to forget. I am so afraid that my memories of Curren will fade. I wanted to share this, because I want you to learn from my mistakes. Bolt EVERYTHING down. Dressers, bookshelves, TV's, anything that could possibly fall.
Thank you all for taking the time to read this. I appreciate each and everyone of you that has reached out to our family. Words cannot express how grateful I am.
Please share this. Pass this advice on. Hug your children with everything you have. Tell them you love them."
He will tend to his flock like a shepherd; he will gather the lambs in his arms; he will carry them in his bosom, and gently lead those that are young.
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