Recovery and Stabilization for Ally

Writing this is incredibly difficult and humbling for me. Asking for help is challenging as it is, but asking for assistance of this magnitude when it involves something so personal to me makes it even harder to put myself out there in a situation like this. My name is Ally, and I suffer from Complex-PTSD, Bipolar II, ADHD, and a severe anxiety disorder. As some of you may know, I have currently been in the psychiatric ward, Shepardson 3, at the UVM Medical Center. Combating these illnesses have been a struggle for me throughout most of my life and have made many things incredibly difficult to manage. After being diagnosed with these disorders over time I've tried many different medications, which have been some help, but ultimately finding the right combination of meds (as well as therapy) hasn't panned out. In January of 2016, I attempted suicide and almost died (it went as far as the doctors asking me if I wanted a priest to give me my last rites), but somehow survived and after a lengthy stay in the ICU was put into a psychiatric center for a week. It was unfortunately a big struggle for me because I still had no desire or will to keep living, and because of that I didn't accept the help I needed. My world continued crumbling around me after leaving, and I found myself spiraling until I finally reached my rock bottom this year.  After experiencing very severe mental episodes that couldn't be contained despite the medications and attempts at therapy, I have found it hard to work, have stable housing, have financial stability, etc. as a result, which only worsened my condition, which in turn made me feel like a failure and completely hopeless. I felt as though I wasn't capable of getting better and it was hard to continue trying when I began believing that maybe it was a lost cause. This past winter, I became increasingly suicidal again. At the end of February, just a couple weeks after my 30th birthday, I realized that I truly needed to get help. I became so committed to getting better that I laid out everything I needed to do in order to become the best possible version of myself. I knew my first step was to voluntarily commit myself into the psychiatric ward at the UVM Medical Center, and then to make an exact plan of what to do after my stay here to keep progressing as I have been. I have been here for over a month and a half, going on a month and 3 weeks at this point, and it has helped me more than I could have ever imagined. The medication changes and therapy I've received here has drastically improved my life, not to mention the psychiatry staff (especially my doctor) who have been relentless in helping me get better. Together, we've made an official discharge plan to prevent me from relapsing, and instead to stay on the positive path to wellness I've been on. On the same day I leave here, I am immediately starting the Partial Hospitalization Program at Seneca Center, and after completing that I'm transitioning into their Intensive Outpatient Program. Along with this, they have also set me up with both an individual psychologist, as well as a psychiatrist, which is one of the most difficult things to find in Vermont. It's almost impossible, and I'm very fortunate that they were able to do so. This is going to be a long road to recovery, but I'm absolutely committed to doing everything I can to ensure getting better and becoming a healthy, functioning person. Despite all of these improvements, the cost of everything has put me in a bad position. Since being at the hospital I no longer have housing, a job, and thus no income of any kind. I have no savings or any money in my name. Not only having a lack of any stable housing or anywhere to go after this, and having no many or current job to at least lead me in that direction, puts me in a huge bind and both of those things are extremely conducive to helping one's health and well-being. Being at Seneca, while wonderful for my mental health, will really reduce my options for work because it is a very intensive program that will take up most of my time and make it very difficult to find work, especially since options in Burlington are so limited. Housing is also absurdly expensive here, which many of you know, which makes it harder to find anything. While I sincerely want to try getting a job, at least for the evenings/nights, making money from that takes time as well and it could be weeks before having any sort of money at all. I have been told I don't qualify for SSI/SSDI for whatever reason, so that's sadly not an option. In addition to these, I unexpectedly had to have a surgical procedure done while here, which has made things more costly. I've also had to find boarding for my 3 cats for the entire time I've been here. The Good Neighbor Program at the Humane Society was able to foster them for 2 weeks, but unable to extend their stay and there are no available temporary foster programs available. So for the remainder of the time I've been here, I have had to pay to board them, and at this point, I owe over $1100 for the cats alone, and I don't qualify for Care Credit to help cover the cost for that either. I know some people would say to just give them up, but I cannot do that. They are my life,  my children, and I would be devastated without them. I understand what an extreme request this is for me to make, but I would truly appreciate anything anyone is able to offer. Thank you.