Hope for James

I am sad to say that I won’t be coming  to Boston next weekend. This was a hard decision and one that I agonized over for many reasons. I had to make a choice and, just like when you're on an airplane and they tell you to put the mask on yourself first, it has become apparent that the work I need to do is on myself. 


Some of you know of the challenges I've had in my life, but some may not. Even though I wear my heart on my sleeve, I mastered the art of hiding my pain, putting on a smile and trying to let everyone know that everything is great.  Hiding in a sense of normalcy was how I was trying to keep what haunts me away. The one thing that I truly understand now is that wherever you go there YOU are. 


My PTSD and depression have escalated over the past couple of  extraordinarily challenging years to a point that scares me. 


PTSD (Post Traumatic Stress Disorder) isn’t talked about that much but it can bring you to a very dark place where you feel that the world is engulfing you  and against you at the same time. 


All of this together has me in what I can only describe as “The Black Hole” a very dark lonely place where my personal demons are my only contact. 


Both my primary care doctor and therapist think I would benefit from a residential treatment program that deal with all these issues.  This will give me time in a safe environment to face and address my challenges.


The program will most likely be pretty intense for the first 60 days, adopting new habits and beliefs that will have me start to be present again for my own life. 


This is the hard part.  I am only prepared financially for about half of this initial journey and am told I won’t be able to work for most it. I am asking for help to raise the remaining cost. 


I am committed to complete and follow through whatever suggestions and changes are recommended.  It would help me though to breath a little easier knowing that when I get through this treatment there will still be a roof over my head.  i will most likely be in the facility by the end of the week. I am determined to go even if there are only well wishes in my pocket. I will risk everything I have and consider it the price of a ticket out of The Black Hole , if thats what it takes. 


Thank you for being my friends, my clients, and my family. I love you all.
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Organizer

James Whittier 
Organizer
Palm Springs, CA
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