I am raising money for my friend to fight her abusive husband for custody of her children. There is real reason to believe that the children are in imminent danger.

Last year my friend “Jane” escaped from domestic violence (including sexual violence and financial exploitation) to a shelter with her two teenagers. The subsequent divorce proceedings have fallen into the vortex of insanity that is our family court system.

Her husband has used his six-figure salary and employer’s legal benefits to continue abusing Jane through the legal system. He has repeatedly filed frivolous, unsubstantiated claims against her—and she has to pay to fight each one, or he would win by default. He has refused to comply with court orders for things as simple—but crucially important—as giving Jane her medical insurance information. Because of this she has gone months without medication for a disabling autoimmune condition.

Throughout her kids’ lives, Jane has been a stay-at-home/homeschooling parent, helping them lead rich, interesting lives and preparing them for early college admission. She has little work experience outside the home, and her condition prevents her from holding a full-time job. The court at this point has awarded her the roof over her head, but no cash alimony. Still, she is required to pay for half the children’s expenses, which include over a thousand dollars a month in court-ordered therapy and extensive medical bills. And, of course, she has to pay her lawyer as well as her own basic expenses.

Since the separation, Jane’s husband has refused to take the kids to their long-standing activities, lied to them about the status of the divorce proceedings, neglected to purchase their necessary medications, refused to provide them with food safe for their documented food intolerances, monitored them with cameras throughout his apartment, and baited them to engage in arguments with him, among other issues. Understandably, the kids don’t trust him and don’t want to spend time with him, especially overnight. However, after they refused multiple visits, the court in May ordered them to go with their father full time for over 6 weeks.

Despite the obvious reasons that the kids do not want to spend time with their father, he has accused Jane of Parental Alienation Syndrome (poisoning the children’s minds against him). He has even claimed that taking the kids to a battered women's shelter taught them to hate men. Parental Alienation Syndrome is junk psychology that “has been dismissed by the American Psychiatric Association, American Psychological Association, and American Medical Association as lacking supporting empirical or clinical evidence” (“Parental Alienation As A Defense To Allegations Of Domestic Violence And Allegations Of Child Sexual Abuse,” Forbes 3/29/2021). However, the Guardian Ad Litem (the person appointed to represent the children’s best interests during the divorce proceedings) and the court-ordered family therapist believe the claims of parental alienation and discount Jane’s evidence of abuse.

After the May order for the kids to spend extended time with their father, Jane was told she had 30 minutes to deliver them to their father and that she was to have zero contact with them during his custody. In her distress, when she delivered the kids she told her husband that she hated him. Her husband accused her of violating the court order against disparaging the other party, and because of this—and despite the many court orders he has violated—the children have remained with their father and Jane is allowed only supervised visits, for which she must pay over $1,000 a month. (This rule against disparagement and specific gag orders imposed on her are the reasons Jane’s name is not being used in this fundraiser. Many people are not aware that survivors of domestic violence are blocked from speaking out until their divorces are finalized, which can take years.)

The kids were thriving when they lived with Jane—leaders in the programs they attended, active in sports and community groups, and planning to take classes at the community college. Even after the separation, Jane has fought to keep their lives as stable as possible. However, since being forced to live with their father, the daughter has ended up in intensive psychiatric care and has been treated multiple times at the emergency room for contusions, which the father claims occurred when she attacked him. She also attempted suicide. One ER doctor felt that her injuries were serious enough to call CPS, but ultimately CPS was unable to collect enough evidence to prosecute. The son is depressed and has lost unhealthy amounts of weight. He also has expressed suicidal thoughts, yet his father will not agree to him receiving individual therapy.

Now, the GAL is threatening to totally cut off Jane’s parenting time unless the kids eat food their father provides that they believe is unsafe for their food intolerances. Against the evidence, the GAL believes that Jane made up these intolerances.

The nationwide problems with family court are beyond the scope of this fundraiser. However, it is worth noting that Prof. Joan Meier (George Washington Law School) found that “when mothers claimed any type of abuse, if fathers responded by claiming parental alienation, then the mothers were twice as likely to lose custody as when fathers did not claim alienation” (“Why Women Lose Custody,” Forbes 1/26/2020). Family courts still assume that women are manipulative liars who cannot be believed. This is a women’s rights, children’s rights, and feminist issue!

Jane is in crushing debt due to her legal expenses to date (~$75,000) and does not have the financial resources to continue to fight for her kids. She is not eligible for Legal Aid because she is still legally married and her husband’s income places her above the Legal Aid threshold. She needs money to pay for experienced legal representation and multiple expert witnesses. Please help!

The situation nationwide is intolerable, and we must take action to change it. In the meantime, your donation today will make a difference for this mother and her kids.