Be a part of our IVF journey

Growing up I didn’t always know if I wanted to be a mother. I watched my mom struggle with infertility and pregnancy loss for much of my early childhood and into my teenage years. Watching those experiences created a semblance of hesitation in me. It wasn’t until my first pregnancy, and subsequent loss, that I realized how important being a mother truly is to me.

That’s not the beginning of our journey though, the beginning starts in 2008 during a seventh period sociology class where I met my future husband, Jay. Our paths didn’t cross much then, he was a senior and I was a junior. We ran into each other multiple times over the years, but we officially reconnected in 2013 and never looked back. We got married on a beautiful late fall Sunday afternoon in September of 2019. Shortly thereafter we adopted our first dog, Zelda, and settled into our new lives as newlyweds and dog parents.

Our journey to start a family came just before our one year anniversary. I had a small suspicion I could be pregnant in August of 2020, and took a test to be on the safe side. I absolutely did not expect to see a positive result. We weren’t “trying” and starting a family wasn’t on our radar yet. Jay and I were extremely excited, and began imagining what our lives would look like in the near future. Unfortunately, two weeks later I miscarried. I truly did not know how much having a family of my own meant to me until I went through that loss. Jay was incredible throughout the entire experience. He took time off work, made sure I was supported throughout and quite literally picked me up off the floor when needed. I felt the full loss of my own pregnancy, but also felt the loss of my mother’s losses. We decided to take some time after that loss, I was terrified of being pregnant again. I had watched my mom experience multiple losses, and now I had experienced one of my own. It felt like I was doomed to have the same experience.

Almost exactly a year later I knew I was pregnant again. I took a test and got the expected positive result. I wish I could say I was excited, but instead I was absolutely terrified. This pregnancy was touch and go. Some of my hormones weren’t rising at the “normal” rate, and my doctors felt another miscarriage was imminent. We also discovered I had a sizable fibroid in my uterus. We went in for an ultrasound to confirm a miscarriage and instead found a heartbeat. We were beyond thrilled, and given a due date of April 19th 2021. Unfortunately, I miscarried about 2 weeks later. We were still in the height of Covid, and this miscarriage required a medical procedure because of the fibroid. Jay and I were shown immense kindness from hospital staff throughout the experience. He was allowed to wait with me, almost until I was in O.R., breaking all Covid protocols. The doctors performing the procedure gave me time to cry and grieve before going under anesthesia. The recovery nurse brought Jay back, even though that also broke Covid protocols, once I was out of surgery. It was comforting to feel so much care and consideration during one of our most difficult moments.

We knew moving forward that I would need to have a fibroid removal in order to increase our chances of having a successful pregnancy. So in March of 2022 I went in for a myomectomy, a surgery very similar to a c section. Thankfully I came out with flying colors, and no damage to my uterus or fallopian tubes. The surgery was a perfect excuse for us to take time to grieve, lick our wounds and regroup. We bought our first home in December of 2021, and we took advantage of the recovery time post surgery to make our new space feel like home. While we have been able to tackle many projects, the door to our second bedroom stays closed most of the time. It is an incredibly painful reminder that, in a perfect world, we would be a family of 4.

In December of 2022 we decided we were ready to conceive again. We walked into that journey with wide eyes and excitement. We expected zero problems. While we had experienced two losses, we also took comfort in the fact that I had gotten pregnant twice. We didn’t know that my body had changed in the two years since my first pregnancy.

After six months of trying my doctor recommended some routine fertility testing. The tests showed my AMH levels, or egg reserve, was very low. Jay went in for testing, and his results showed a lower sperm count. Between the two of us, our doctor recommended IVF. We had no idea the cost, or that our insurance is able to bypass the Connecticut mandate that covers 2 cycles of IVF. IVF is incredibly expensive, costing about $20,000 between treatment and medications. We’ve had an honest conversation with our doctor, who has advised multiple rounds may be needed, which is beyond our financial means. We have an option to finance the amount, but the thought of taking on a loan and a new baby feels overwhelming at best. The thought of taking on a loan and losing another pregnancy feels absolutely devastating. We've applied to four different grants over the last few months, and unfortunately did not receive funds from any of them. Jay is looking for a second job that will provide supplemental insurance that could potentially cover the IVF treatments, unfortunately, there aren’t a lot of companies who offer insurance with IVF coverage to part time employees. It also isn’t feasible for Jay to work 2 full time jobs in order to gain the coverage.

Infertility feels like it has stolen my choice in terms of how many children I can have, or when I can have them. It’s difficult to navigate this situation with grace, and not become bitter and resentful as a result of this experience. I am used to being a problem solver. I am used to finding solutions and taking charge. It is deeply humbling to realize I need to hand this entire journey over to a power greater than myself, and trust in the process. It is even more humbling to ask for help from others.

If it’s within your heart, and within your means, we would be forever grateful for any contribution.