I need some help...

Hi friends! As all of you know I am very transparent about my addiction and recovery story, so I know I am in a safe space to share this with you. So first off I want to say that this is very hard for me to do right now. But when I was in rehab I was given an assignment that I had to ask for help at least once a day, because that's what I do, I don't ask for help, I try to do everything by myself. I have had to do it all my life and I have never known any other way until I started my recovery journey July 11, 2021. Asking for help has helped me with day to day things. But this one is huge for me. This time I am feeling at my most vulnerable but I know that's right where God wants me. So here it goes...

First of all I want to say I am not sharing this publicly and do not wish to have it shared publicly. I am only sharing it with select family and friends. And I know that not everyone can help, it's hard for everyone right now. But I trust all of you to share it privately with people that would be or would want to hear my story.

With that said, here is my situation. I was in a car accident with my daughter on December 2, 2002 (she was four, I would have been 25) and as a result of that both of our lives changed. She had a brain injury that was more critical and in my case the dash board got crushed in on my right knee. It was a little difficult getting out of the car but they put us both in the ambulance at the same time. When she wouldn't stop vomiting I was so terrified for my child that I didn't think about me. But I do remember thinking that I felt something twist somewhere inside me and my pain in my leg was the worst, but all I could think about was her. She ended up with some deficits from the accident but by God's grace, within 6 months she was better. But I wasn't. I did have X-rays and MRIs but they told me I was fine. I kept telling them I felt something twist inside me and they dismissed it and assured me I was fine. And I believed them. Flash forward to today. In the last 22 years I have been given incorrect diagnoses, including Lupus and Fibromyalgia and they aren't any closer to figuring it out. Yes there is a lot of evidence to support that there is definitely something wrong though. The Neurosurgeon I went to agreed with me when we looked at my scans that this is 100% physiological. Not neurological, and not psychological. There could be some underlying immune issue but I honestly don't believe there is any of that. But I am closer, because I know what I am experiencing and feeling, because I am listening to my body. I have been gathering all my medical records and MRI imaging discs and going down to the library and going through the images themselves and printing the areas I have been trying to explain to them were the problems. In all honesty it's my whole body, this has affected my entire body and it's all there in the images.The radiologist have only been focusing on the spine or the joints, but none of the tissues surrounding it. They ALL have completely missed this. I do feel like I am going to be okay, eventually, when all of the different specialists can get one one page and agree. But I am getting there, I keep going. I promised Conrad that I would take care of myself when he was gone and I keep that promise every day.

So I was finally admitted On August 16th through the 20th to help give me some controlled relief of pain and to run some tests. I have had a brain MRI to rule out MS and there are no lesions on my brain or spine that would indicate that, so it's not MS, thank God. But the hip arthroscopy and MRI to the hip joint was inconclusive, but they are getting closer. When I was hospitalized I agreed to do inpatient to help keep me safe in my recovery and because I believed my Hospital Indemnity Coverage that I purchase through my employer would cover the stay. I would have received 1,000 for the first 24 hours and 300 each day after. But they denied my claim because my condition was exempt from the policy. I never expected that. My heart sank. I didn't know what I was going to do. I was already behind on my bills from not being able to finish a full week of work and then even in the beginning of my week I wasn't able to finish the day, so it became urgent for me to be in the hospital. So, my son Devin pays half the rent and gave me his half his rent and I was holding onto it until I got my half, but by the 15th I still didn't. So when I got out of the hospital I used what he gave me for necessities like electric, gas, groceries and household supplies. So I was behind for August and now here is September and last week I get the denial from MetLife. I went to my landlord to tell him what was going on and he said the Owner wants me evicted. If I get evicted I loose everything that I worked so hard to get back for myself after everything that I lost in active addiction. I have done everything to stay in my recovery, I have, chosen the non narcotic route, even though I live every day in sometimes excruciating pain. But the director of the rehab used to say "you got to get up, suit up, and show up", and that's what I have done. I get up every day, not knowing what to expect when I wake up in the morning, I still get up, suit up and show up. I still work through pain and I pray and I have faith that the pain will end soon. I surrender every day.

So my immediate need is two months rent. My rent is $830 a month which for 2 months comes to $1,660. That's all I care about. I just don't want to loose the stability that I have had since the day I got out of rehab is this place. I can't live on the streets it would destroy me. I would loose all of my animals. I would be right back on the bottom again. So I'm hoping that you can help. So I am asking for help, like I am supposed to do. I do have a few other needs, I need a new O2 sensor in my car which will cost me about $500 and I need a new a/c unit for my house which is about $300. But I'm not even focused on that now, I do have an electric bill due this month, car insurance and car payment but really If I can just pay my rent I can work on the rest myself. I just don't want to lose my house! So if you can help, I would be so very grateful, but if nothing else, I hope my story of faith, hope, perseverance and resilience inspires you today. Thank you for taking the time to read this and God bless you