Support during a time of loss
Donation protected
Since February, Michelle (Buck)’s father, Gary, has been in the process of succumbing to cancer. In efforts to be present and be of comfort to him during his last weeks, both Michelle (Buck) and Bee (Melissae) along with other family members, have been spending as much time as possible with Gary.
Before we talk about the fundraiser, here’s what they wanted to share with you, about their last 6 months.
Buck:
“I haven’t had the best relationship with Dad, over the years we’ve talked and worked things out. I had the feeling like we’re evolving into a family again, then we found out that he had cancer.
I immediately left to go see him.
…..I did have a great childhood, he was a good father.
We had lots of adventures together, lots of exploring, camping, and outdoors activities. All year round! We dug snow caves together. He even got me a pony when I was a kid, and he’d have the pony pull me and my brother on a sled. The kinds of things kids should be doing, we did a lot of it.
He encouraged me to build things, play sports, and work with my hands. He taught how to use all the tools in the garage/barn.
He was a hard working man and I learned a lot from him. He influenced me to get into carpentry. The first thing I ever built was an airplane, out of a 2x4 and a couple screws. Dad was so proud that he hung it in the barn for years, even after I became an adult. He helped me learn how to become an independent person.
It was a blessing to be able to have the last six months with him, to be able to reconnect with him. “
Bee:
“As you may know, Buck had a severe back injury last summer. Buck had just gotten the okay to return to work (Union Carpenter), when we got the news that Gary had pancreatic cancer. Buck went to (Allegan, Mi) to see him right away. It had been a year or more since they had had a visit, and Buck was pretty shaken to see the changes in their once strong, vital dad.
We both knew that the prognosis wasn’t a good one, so we agreed to visit as often as possible; meanwhile Buck was also getting back into the swing of things working for the Union, as well as other jobs. We had also just made the decision for Buck to move in with me & planned for that to happen “maybe sometime in May”.
We both went back to Michigan in May. Buck went out again, I don’t remember when. I started my new FT job (Lead Caregiver- Agape Home- Clare Housing) at the end of July (just in time, what a blessing!) and it was one week after that, that we got the news that Gary was taking a turn for worse.
I work with people at the end of their lives, so we were keenly aware of how precious & precarious our time was.
We went out there right away to be with him & help take care of him. After that we just kept rotating, eventually Buck simply stayed, while I went back to work for a bit.
Then I went out again, and just in time to help care for him and the family during Gary’s last days (& to help clean and pack up family heirlooms after he passed away).
That’s just logistics though. Nothing can relay what this experience was like.
The whirlwind of emotions: meeting the entire family under these circumstances, feeling the complex grief around the 3 year anniversary of my mother’s death resurge…. trying to balance work enough to pay our bills…… and through all of the heart break, being embraced whole heartedly by Buck’s family, bonding very deeply with some of them (after the 3 years without extended family, I cannot overstate how profound this is for me )…. and bonding with Zoey, Gary’s dog (whom he wanted us to have after he passed)- who is THE BRIGHTEST LIGHT in all of this & kept us all grounded & grateful (she is doing exceptionally well with all the changes to her life (country dog becomes city dog))….. sleeping in a tent in the front yard for weeks with a LOT of rain…. campers and cars filling the front yard….. rotating around the clock to ensure that someone was always alert and ready to care for Gary’s needs….. hundreds of family stories passed around the fire, discussions about medical marijuana, the obscenity of the illegality of this plant & the greed of pharmaceutical companies & conventional cancer treatments….. the end of the baseball season, beginning of football season…. brownies, cookies, PIE, cookouts, never ending food….. nearly eloping, but opting for a tattoo (and formally announced engagement) instead…. love just deepening and growing in every direction…… and watching several chrysalises, from caterpillar to full flight (the day after Gary passed)….. life, death, and all of this is such a miracle. I am blessed to have been able to cook, clean, and tend to my (new) beloved family during this time.
I am forever changed “
As you may know, neither Michelle (Buck) nor Bee have vehicles that are up for a 10 hour drive (though they have tried). Renting cars has been the MOST cost effective means of travel. However, it has still been at great expense going back and forth between Michigan and Minnesota. Expenses have added up significantly, totaling upwards of $5,000.
As if the cost was not great enough, both Bee (Melissae) and Michelle (Buck) have had to be away from their respective jobs, suffering significant loss of income because of it (Bee barely had time to accumulate PTO & Michelle’s union work does not provide PTO/bereavement benefits).
They have been planning to buy a house next year, however they have been unable to establish a savings and have maxed out their financial resources in order care for Gary at the end of his life.
Those of you who know and love them are already aware of the great amount of time, sweat, love, and money they each put in to their communities. Bee has been a long time supporter of so many underserved communities; sacrificing much of themself to be a source of support, companionship, and knowledge. She offers her skills freely to those who ask, and often with little return.
The goal is to raise a minimum $5,000 with the hope of raising $10,000 - all to help them get back on their feet, and recoup this massive loss.
This fundraiser is an effort to keep them from falling in to debt, and also to contribute whatever they can towards the burial costs for Michelle (Buck)’s father.
If there are funds in excess, Buck & Bee will give money to non-profits working with people at the end-of-life and efforts toward alternative cancer therapies, particularly CBD & medical marijuana.
This will be shared with the community as it develops.
If you have been touched by your friendships with Michelle (Buck) and/or Bee (Melissae) at any point, or have been dealt a heavy blow such as this in the midst of an already trying time - please spare what you can.
Before we talk about the fundraiser, here’s what they wanted to share with you, about their last 6 months.
Buck:
“I haven’t had the best relationship with Dad, over the years we’ve talked and worked things out. I had the feeling like we’re evolving into a family again, then we found out that he had cancer.
I immediately left to go see him.
…..I did have a great childhood, he was a good father.
We had lots of adventures together, lots of exploring, camping, and outdoors activities. All year round! We dug snow caves together. He even got me a pony when I was a kid, and he’d have the pony pull me and my brother on a sled. The kinds of things kids should be doing, we did a lot of it.
He encouraged me to build things, play sports, and work with my hands. He taught how to use all the tools in the garage/barn.
He was a hard working man and I learned a lot from him. He influenced me to get into carpentry. The first thing I ever built was an airplane, out of a 2x4 and a couple screws. Dad was so proud that he hung it in the barn for years, even after I became an adult. He helped me learn how to become an independent person.
It was a blessing to be able to have the last six months with him, to be able to reconnect with him. “
Bee:
“As you may know, Buck had a severe back injury last summer. Buck had just gotten the okay to return to work (Union Carpenter), when we got the news that Gary had pancreatic cancer. Buck went to (Allegan, Mi) to see him right away. It had been a year or more since they had had a visit, and Buck was pretty shaken to see the changes in their once strong, vital dad.
We both knew that the prognosis wasn’t a good one, so we agreed to visit as often as possible; meanwhile Buck was also getting back into the swing of things working for the Union, as well as other jobs. We had also just made the decision for Buck to move in with me & planned for that to happen “maybe sometime in May”.
We both went back to Michigan in May. Buck went out again, I don’t remember when. I started my new FT job (Lead Caregiver- Agape Home- Clare Housing) at the end of July (just in time, what a blessing!) and it was one week after that, that we got the news that Gary was taking a turn for worse.
I work with people at the end of their lives, so we were keenly aware of how precious & precarious our time was.
We went out there right away to be with him & help take care of him. After that we just kept rotating, eventually Buck simply stayed, while I went back to work for a bit.
Then I went out again, and just in time to help care for him and the family during Gary’s last days (& to help clean and pack up family heirlooms after he passed away).
That’s just logistics though. Nothing can relay what this experience was like.
The whirlwind of emotions: meeting the entire family under these circumstances, feeling the complex grief around the 3 year anniversary of my mother’s death resurge…. trying to balance work enough to pay our bills…… and through all of the heart break, being embraced whole heartedly by Buck’s family, bonding very deeply with some of them (after the 3 years without extended family, I cannot overstate how profound this is for me )…. and bonding with Zoey, Gary’s dog (whom he wanted us to have after he passed)- who is THE BRIGHTEST LIGHT in all of this & kept us all grounded & grateful (she is doing exceptionally well with all the changes to her life (country dog becomes city dog))….. sleeping in a tent in the front yard for weeks with a LOT of rain…. campers and cars filling the front yard….. rotating around the clock to ensure that someone was always alert and ready to care for Gary’s needs….. hundreds of family stories passed around the fire, discussions about medical marijuana, the obscenity of the illegality of this plant & the greed of pharmaceutical companies & conventional cancer treatments….. the end of the baseball season, beginning of football season…. brownies, cookies, PIE, cookouts, never ending food….. nearly eloping, but opting for a tattoo (and formally announced engagement) instead…. love just deepening and growing in every direction…… and watching several chrysalises, from caterpillar to full flight (the day after Gary passed)….. life, death, and all of this is such a miracle. I am blessed to have been able to cook, clean, and tend to my (new) beloved family during this time.
I am forever changed “
As you may know, neither Michelle (Buck) nor Bee have vehicles that are up for a 10 hour drive (though they have tried). Renting cars has been the MOST cost effective means of travel. However, it has still been at great expense going back and forth between Michigan and Minnesota. Expenses have added up significantly, totaling upwards of $5,000.
As if the cost was not great enough, both Bee (Melissae) and Michelle (Buck) have had to be away from their respective jobs, suffering significant loss of income because of it (Bee barely had time to accumulate PTO & Michelle’s union work does not provide PTO/bereavement benefits).
They have been planning to buy a house next year, however they have been unable to establish a savings and have maxed out their financial resources in order care for Gary at the end of his life.
Those of you who know and love them are already aware of the great amount of time, sweat, love, and money they each put in to their communities. Bee has been a long time supporter of so many underserved communities; sacrificing much of themself to be a source of support, companionship, and knowledge. She offers her skills freely to those who ask, and often with little return.
The goal is to raise a minimum $5,000 with the hope of raising $10,000 - all to help them get back on their feet, and recoup this massive loss.
This fundraiser is an effort to keep them from falling in to debt, and also to contribute whatever they can towards the burial costs for Michelle (Buck)’s father.
If there are funds in excess, Buck & Bee will give money to non-profits working with people at the end-of-life and efforts toward alternative cancer therapies, particularly CBD & medical marijuana.
This will be shared with the community as it develops.
If you have been touched by your friendships with Michelle (Buck) and/or Bee (Melissae) at any point, or have been dealt a heavy blow such as this in the midst of an already trying time - please spare what you can.
Organizer and beneficiary
Chelsea Wren Hanvy
Organizer
Minneapolis, MN
Melissae Bee
Beneficiary