Therapy Goes A Long Way

Hey everyone,Let me start by saying that it has taken me a long time to get here. Years ago, hell, even just a few months ago, I was in denial about needing help. I’d spent my life dealing with my depression and PTSD through panic attacks, self harm and emotional disfunction.Around December of last year, I was in the middle of a depressive episode and while standing at the platform on the subway I decided to walk into the tracks. I inched forward, heard the train and as I went to step off someone pulled me back very suddenly and I broke down.I was so sure that the solution to everything was to just die. So I took the chance and started therapist shopping. Eventually I found one that worked for me. The only problem is, they are out of network. My insurance is from out of state and because of this even finding a primary physician can be difficult. Finding a trauma specialist even more so. At the end of it all, I found therapist that were covered, but everyone I saw recommended I’d see someone specialized in the treatment of those with PTSD and experience with help those who have experienced sexual and domestic violence. Which left me without a covered provider.As of now, the therapist I see each week is paid out of pocket, and even with approval from my insurance I am still not covered for reimbursement.It took me a long time to layout the groundwork between us, and finding someone I can trust and feel comfortable with again seems like it’ll delay my treatment and in the end cause me to spiral once more.As right now, I am hoping to eliminate the stress caused by my financial insecurities. It can be very difficult to choose between mental health and food. Because what the point of eating if everything makes me want to die.I want to get better and I want to stay better. Therapy helps make sure I don’t lose myself to that voice in my head that wants me to die.Please help me stay healthy.Thank you for reading.I will post updates as frequently as possible.-Analee