Help H Get Top Surgery
Since childhood and pretty much as long as I can remember, I have never really identified with the feminine parts of me that society uses to place my identity in a box. As much as I’ve tried to fit in that box to please those around me - my family, my friends, my associates, even God... it’s been at the expense of my happiness. My wholeness. My peace. My truth.
(Please see this image of me at 6 years old “shaving my face” in a boys tank top and boxers.)
In August of 2019, I had a breast reduction procedure because I believed it would help my body dysmorphia. After losing around 6lbs of tissue, not sure how to reference bra measurements here because I’ve been wearing 2 high compression sports bras every day since middle school; I was able to fit into a lot more of the clothes I prefer to wear.
However, this is where I discovered that the way I felt about my body when I looked in the mirror was a lot more than just inherently large breasts and negative self-image, it was full-on gender dysphoria. This realization was solidified for me when the thought of potentially breastfeeding my children one day, something that was pretty important to me started to become less appealing than the thought of being at peace with my gender presentation, as well as my identity.
As you can see above, I have NEVER felt comfortable in the clothes designed for my assigned sex. I even used to live by the beach and never showed up without a T-shirt and shorts. No bikinis. No skirts. No dresses. Nothing of the sort; and while the clothes I DO wear help me to express myself the way I most desire- they aren’t made for the body I was given. Even after my reduction, I still wear a binder to give the appearance of no breasts... and it still doesn’t fully suffice.
Here’s the thing, gender is a spectrum and even though I owe no explanation, I figured it’s as good a time as any to explain some things. Honestly, it’s just confusing as hell to go back and forth between hiding my true self around some people and being open about it to others. I suppose I’m afraid of rejection or naturally the fear of what comes after, so I felt like I can let everyone know what is up at the same time.
Non-binary is what feels right to me right now. Though how I feel ebbs and flows, being referred to as they/them is my preference. I’m planning on top surgery (it’s expensive af, but I’ll get there) because I read something the other day that really struck a chord with me;
I don’t have to go on testosterone to have top surgery. Even further, I don’t have to identify as a male either. My happiest self and what that looks like is completely up to me.
SO! Call it androgyny, call it not gender non-conforming, non-binary, trans... you can even call it against the will of God but at the end of the day- remember to call me what I am. Not a man. Not a woman. Call me a human with one life to live and the responsibility to be as happy and healthy for as long as I can.
You can also call me H! (They/Them)
Every share counts. While the surgery is not covered by insurance and is much more than $8000, I figured this goal would be attainable for me to match myself. If 8,000 users were to donate $1- my life would be impacted in such a big way. Even a share in lieu of a buck would mean so much to me. Thank you in advance.