Your friend needs her friends:(

If you are reading this I want to say thank you for at least clicking on my post. Where do I start? Well, I have a “friend”....she finds it very easy to help others but cringes with humiliation she needs some herself. For many years she was a strong and competent worker. Though my “friend” struggled through years of drug abuse and survived some horrific events, but she always landed on her feet. Okay maybe she landed on her ass. My “friend” pick herself up by the bootstraps and trudge the road to happy destiny. Sometimes juggling 3 jobs she was able to care for herself ( as well as friends and family). She would do anything for anyone in need- sometimes giving the shoes off of her feet. Not because she thinks she’s allHolier than Thou...she is just a little bit way way too sensitive and to see another person suffer...well, it’s okay that she suffers but nobody else can darnit - not on her watch....anyone that needs a hand up -Shazam-a hand is gladly given.

Never in a million years did my “friend” ever think that she would someday need a hand herself. These past couple of years have been the most difficult of her life, (an inward silent decline ). She lost her marriage, her family, her home, her career and was beat down to a shell of her former self. It was all she could do to keep a happy face on for her children, but her world fell apart regardless. All that was supposedly good, kind, and healthy became a distorted reality. She would have checked out if she didn’t have her children. She found out that she not only has been experiencing a major depressive bout, but learned she has complex PTSD and Narcissistic Abuse Syndrome. Jeeez my “friend” stood at the edge....and there she looked down...I lost a lotta friends there baby...ok sorry. See My buddy is starting to make a comeback! Okay okay this “friend” is really me.

But I am slowly returning from the dead zone and dusting myself off once again. So here I am. I have lost almost everything that I thought was going to be my life and am starting all over again. I did not drink or use but man this life kicks your ass sometimes. I want so badly to call out the people who I feel wronged me, but I was a part of the problem and played a part too. I have learned so much through this lonely dark time. My true friends and family have my back and I am so indebted to you. I am so lucky that you are here. Wow I never knew what Emotional Sobriety meant (12 step talk) and at close to 24 years clean, I now know!

Why am I bothering you with my sob story? I feel so lame needing your help. I don’t want to just ask you for money, I want to send you some art or do something Loving in return of you helping me. Just give me the word and it’s yours. This is a humiliating place to be. But for the next month or so I am in a financial trouble. However it is temporary because I finally found a job that is the place I am supposed to be!! Helping homeless adults learn how to enter back into the world (I am no better but I have some connections and clean time).
I need to be able to drive to work and pick up my children etc but my alternator is cutting out, I have to get my car smogged and registered, I am unable to pay my water and electric bill (I have rent) and I am hitting the food bank today. My sons eat dinner twice wth? Teenage boys have tapeworms or something. So yeah, I am humbly humbly respectfully requesting some help with operation “Mid-Life Becca”.
Please forgive me if this is on poor taste. I thought to myself “self, if any of your buddies needed you would you judge?”. Nope. But I am a weirdo. So, if this offends any of my friends, I am embarrassed and sorry. You can judge me and laugh at me, it’s cool I’ve lost all pride anyhow lalalalalla.For those of you who love me anyway, despite my hard luck saga- thank you from the bottom of my soul. I will do something awesome for you somehow and I will play it forward.
PS. If you haven’t got a hay penny let me know in a couple of months so we can help you. Love

For my family. I am sorry if this embarrasses you. I don’t know why else to do.


As of March 6Th.....
I’ve started working yes! Trying to navigate how best to do my job as I am working for a complicated clientele. As far as the ole car situation goes....it’s almost there! It even passed smog! I still have to get it registered!!! But, I have food for the boys and things are on the up and up! I love you all!