The Gift of Time

When our son Noah was stillborn on March 26, 2021 the lifetime we had planned to spend with him was shortened to one hour. Once he was delivered he was wrapped and laid in a bassinet out of my sight. Instead of getting to hold him, the doctors and nurses had to tend to me, painfully scraping out the remaining placenta. Jake held my hand through all of it, knowing our son was just feet away from us. I was not medically well enough to hold Noah at first, further prolonging our time together as a family. By the time we got to see and hold Noah the physical effects of death had already set in. When a baby is stillborn their body quickly changes. Their lips turn purple, their nose and ears leak blood, their skin softens and peels. It can be alarming to see. Because of this, we only held Noah for a short time. While our nurses told us to take all the time we needed, it was too painful watching our son fade away in our arms. I wish we would have been able to hold him longer, to talk to him, to hug and kiss him, and to properly say goodbye. That time was so precious and integral to our healing process. I’ll never forget that day. 

 

 

In order to help other parents and families of stillborn babies have that gift of time, Jake and I would like to donate a CuddleCot to the hospital Noah was born at, Jacob’s Medical Center at UCSD Health Center. A CuddleCot is a bassinet insulated with a cooling system that helps reduce the deterioration of a baby’s body. It can be easily cleaned and transported, allowing for many families to utilize it within a single hospital. Most importantly, it gives families more time to bond with their baby, process their loss, and gain closure. At the time Noah was born we were not offered a CuddleCot, or even knew what one was. In the hours before delivery, we were given packets of information on what to expect in regard to grief, physical recovery, and funeral arrangements. We were being prepared for life after the hospital, but we didn’t know what to expect in the moments after delivery. I was alone at a routine ultrasound when I heard the four worst words I’ve ever heard - there is no heartbeat. From that moment to the time Noah was delivered it was about 24 hours. There was no time to process, let alone research what was about to unfold. Therefore, in addition to the donation of a CuddleCot, we would like to provide the hospital with pamphlets about the CuddleCot. Families should be aware that they have the option to use one.

 

A CuddleCot typically costs between 3-4 thousand dollars. We realize that not everyone can financially donate, and that’s okay! We hope our story inspires you to cherish every second you have with your loved ones. Any donation, no matter the size, is appreciated. We could not have endured our grief without our community, and we want other families to know that no matter the circumstances, they are not alone. Their baby matters. Thank you for your continual love and support. It’s overwhelming. While we hope a CuddleCot is not frequently needed, we aspire to increase their availability, at least by one. Thank you!

 

 

Noah Allan Magoon

March 26, 2021, 8:25am

1lb, 12 inches