Suicide Prevention and Mental Health Awareness

Hi,

My name is Crystal Dalsey. It's taken me nearly 4 years to tell my story. Never did I think I would be faced with thoughts of suicide or questioning my mental state of mind or health. But I did and it was a very dark, lonely and scary road. A trip no one will ever want to go on. I used to think of depression as something that was just in your head. I thought to myself "Go work out! Eat right! You will be fine.. It's all in your head", but those thoughts came to a screeching holt in 2017 when I faced the darkest days of my life. It started nearing the end of 2017. I would wake up early around 5am with my heart pounding out of my chest, tears falling down my cheeks, an overwhelming sense of helplessness, loneliness and this fear of my next steps whether it be taking my boxers for a walk, going to the grocery store, going to work, cleaning my house.. you name it... the thought of just planning on doing anything was frightening. A pain that to this day is soo hard to describe lingered inside of me for almost a full year. I was soooo embarrassed and ashamed for feeling this way. I couldn't bare to let anyone know how bad I felt as I have always been such a happy person. I didn't understand it and couldn't imagine that there was anything out there that could make this pain go away. For those reasons I attempted self medication by drinking. It worked. I was thrilled that I had found a solution (even if it meant for a little while) anything was better than how I felt. I would think of ways I could kill myself all throughout the day.. (Reading this still shocks me.. I can't believe that I used to feel this way). After almost a year of drinking away my pain I started noticing it wasn't helping anymore. I knew it was coming to an end and fast. It was August 18th, 2018 that I finally seeked help. See my brother in love Brian took his life in 2010. Something we to this very day have not gotten over and don't believe we ever will. I cant help but to think he felt just like me and thought there was nothing out there that could make the pain go away. He couldn't bare it any longer. I couldn't put our families through this pain either so I reached out. I put my life into the hands of those I felt could give the best chance of helping even though I thought there was nothing they could do I felt it's worth a try as I was out of options. It was around 3pm that I sent a text to 9 family members including my husband for the first time. I sobbed as I hit send. The next hours were a blur while family members gathered and rearranged their plans to help me and my husband through this horrific time. . Without them I don't believe I would be here today to share my story. I was admitted to Aurora for 10 days where I learned that I was not ALONE. I was prescribed Lexapro, which to my surprise, helped me soo much. I remained sober until March 13, 2021 the day I learned my baby sister at age 37 died due to an overdose of fentinel. She too was struggling. I remember asking her at a previous visit if she felt the way I did. I wanted to reassure her that there is a difference between feeling depressed and the other pain. The one that is suffocating and soo painful that it stops you from being you. I wanted her to know she wasn't alone and that there is help but she reassured me that wasn't the case for her. But it was. She was struggling and it hurts like hell thinking of the what ifs.. But there is one thing I know for sure. If you don't admit there is pain, if you don't admit you need help, if you don't change anything nothing will change. I can't bring my Brother in Love back.. I can't bring my Baby Sister back but I can share my story in the hopes that it can help someone. Anyone. Teamwork Makes the Dreamwork. Together we can help Those who suffer. I put this first Go Fund Me together to raise money to donate to the American Foundation of Suicide Prevention and the chance for all donators entry to win an Electric Bike give away taking place October 31st and winner announced November 1st.

Please join me in supporting this CAUSE that is soo near and dear to my heart. A CAUSE that needs attention, not just today or tomorrow but always.. A CAUSE that can change lives and make lives last. A CAUSE because we CAN. Because Mental Health is Health. I Thank You in advance for taking the time to read my story.. For sharing my story.. For supporting me in this CAUSE.