Please help support my fight through cancer!

Gondor is calling for aid!

I haven't been honest.

I've been keeping most of you in the dark and I am sorry.

On August 1st, I was diagnosed with stage 3 triple negative breast cancer, invasive ductal carcinoma.

It happens to be one of the worst types of breast cancer. There is a 30-40% chance of reoccurance and if it comes back, it will more than likely spread to my bones, liver, lungs where there won't be a treatment for it. Currently, there's a large mass in my breast and another in my lymphnode (armpit).

On July 18th, I found a large lump on my breast (about the size of a lime). I had a diagnostic mammogram followed by five biopsy samples. By August 1st, my diagnosis was in. I had been misdiagnosed the entire time prior, was told it was an infection and was prescribed antibiotics. To date, I've had one diagnostic mammogram, two ultrasounds, five ultrasound guided biopsies, two breast MRI's, one PET CT and an installation of a Bard CT port. I've had two rounds of chemo so far. Their initial plan was to provide aggressive chemo for this particular cancer, then surgery, followed by radiation therapy. The last conversation I had with my oncologist is when I learned she might not opt for a mastectomy, but I might still have to have a lumpectomy, depending on how chemo goes. My chemo regimen is considered an aggressive regimen. It is scheduled to take place over the course of six to seven months.

I'm torn between optimism and despair. How realistic is it of me to try to fight this of the chance of reoccurance that is so high and without treatment if it returns?

On the other hand, I'm incredibly and acutely aware of my resiliency and strength. My optimism may at times be blind, but dammit it's there. I'm not a naturally negative person and I believe that has helped me up to this point. I'm hoping to relax and lean on those points.

I want to travel, I want to create and laugh. To still sing and dance.

I'm exhausted, I'm dizzy and in pain.

I'm unemployed, uninsured and I am seriously running out of funds.

Buying groceries sent me into an anxiety attack and I've felt guilt about my grocery shopping cart since. I don't imagine I'll be able to swing my car payments, my rent, utilities. I don't know what surgery will look like, will I need a lift type recliner to sleep in and to help me get up if I do need a double mastectomy?

I'm not sure what my regimen will have me feeling like, I only know what I've been feeling up to this point. I'm not sure how realistic it is of me to try and become employed again right at this point. I have strong nausea, headaches, muscle aches and pretty strong fatigue. I often feel like I've just walked all of the French Quarter and am just absolutely depleted. My skin seems spongy, flaky. I have a lot of bruises. I don't want to think about what's happening inside my body.

The mass in my breast has grown from the size of a lime to the size of a mango. I'm unable to feel my mass in my armpit. Both are strong sources of pain and I'm terrified. I live alone, I've enjoyed living alone but now I'm beginning to face some real challenges with that luxury.

I still have a very full head of hair, but my oncologist said the medications will cause inevitable hairloss in a few weeks or so.

I'd love some help and some laughter.

Send me songs, send me memes.

I'd love to have anyone donate to my PayPal or GoFundMe.

I need help paying for the the basics:

Housing, food, transportation, medical expenses (medication, doctor visits/tests/labs/procedures/equipment).

There are things I'd love to have that aren't necessities:

Wigs (or money for wigs).

An inspirational tattoo.

New recliner for Gizmo and I to share.

Help with emptying my apartment of clutter, to either sell or donate.

A plush animal or two for me to cry into or hug.

A new body pillow and/or wedge pillow.

I'm open to ideas!

I've edited this post a thousand times over the course of the past few weeks because announcing that I have cancer has been difficult and announcing that I need financial help is ridiculously difficult for me.

Ladies, schedule that mammogram!

Thank you for reading.

~Veronica

Paypal:

[email redacted]