My father and our family

Hi everyone. My name is Jason, and I’d like to share my family’s story over the past year.

Me, my brother John, my sister Vanessa, my mom Lesly, my dad John, and our two dogs Mimi and Chloe. We didn’t have the easiest path, going through poverty, tragedies, and other situations but we’ve always stuck together through thick and thin. We made ends meet, no matter what, because we always had each other. That was enough motivation to keep going.

Covid was a huge disaster for the world, but especially for us. I had moved out in 2019 to live in Orlando, but I always kept contact and visited often. We would call and text every day, every other day and make sure we were good.

August 2021, I got a call from my dad but it wasn’t to say hello and ask how my day was. My family caught covid and was having a rough bout with it, but my mother had to be admitted to the hospital. I drove down as soon as I could, but due to covid policies, no visitors were allowed inside. I dropped off a bouquet of roses, her favorite flowers, called her, and told her to get some rest. That I’ll talk to her soon. That was the last time I heard her voice. She had fallen unconscious, but the doctors told us to have hope. They were trying different medications, trying to ween her off of oxygen dependency as her oxygen levels were falling, but that’s when her organs started failing. Our hope crumbled, until September 23rd, 2021, my dad called me to tell me that she had gone.

To say we were devastated is an understatement. My mom was the glue of our family, the level headed one who took charge with appointments and our health. She was my fathers best friend and wife of 25 years, and for her to be ripped away from him was unfair. So much paperwork, belongings, pictures, titles under her name, all needed to be sorted and worked through. It was too much for us.

Financially, on top of the struggles covid brought, we were in bad shape. My dad was the breadwinner of the family, but covid combined with my moms passing, he couldn’t hold down a job, and no one can blame him. We constantly fought with relief programs for rent, food, electricity, everywhere that could help keep us afloat. It was stressful, but it worked to keep food on the table and the lights on.

We were so focused on money and bills, I neglected my mental health, but especially my dads. He’s had addiction problems with alcohol his whole life, but he tried his best to work through it. He’d gone to AA, lived in halfway homes to complete sobriety programs, and was sober for a couple years. I knew he was distraught, but I didn’t know he had fallen on his addiction so heavily again. My dad made sure that my brother and sister had food, but he only cared if he had a beer or whiskey on hand.

Since my moms passing, the rest of us were there for each other, but we’d grown increasingly distant. There’d be days that we don’t call each other, respond to texts, or even see each other in person, just locking ourselves in our rooms. It was something we all had accepted as normalcy, and didn’t think much of it.

I still live in Orlando, leaving my dad to live with my brother and sister. My brother would keep my father in check, but we all had to work to support ourselves and each other. It had gotten to the point where the only time my dad talked to us was when he needed money. 20 bucks here, 100 bucks there, just to play catch up and fill in the gaps the relief programs left. My brother and I were getting fed up, and I hadn’t talked to my dad since Thursday, November 3rd. He asked me for money so he can buy a shirt for a new job he was starting. I texted him dryly, saying I couldn’t afford to help out. That’s the last thing I said to him.

My brother gave my dad a hug and left for a closing shift on Saturday, November 5th around 2 pm. My dad seemed fine, joyful, like himself before all these tragedies hit us. He texted my brother and I, talking about money again but finished the message with “love you, you know I’m here for you anytime day or night”. That was sent Saturday, November 5th at 4:37 pm.

My brother came home later that night to my dads door closed with no response after knocking. Again, this had become normal, so my brother didn’t think anything of it until the next day. Dad hadn’t come out of his room all day, so my brother let himself in to find my dad laying in bed, watching tv with his eyes closed. He usually snores, but this time he was silent. My brother reached out to wake him up but he was already cold. He called 911, and called me afterwards. Sunday, November 7th, at 7:00 pm.

The paramedics declared him deceased on the scene. I arrived around 10:30 pm after driving from Orlando, and they were already wheeling him out of the house on a gurney. We haven’t gotten an autopsy back yet, but the officers found empty pill bottles and alcohol containers next to his bed. We’re not expecting foul play.

As awful as it is to say, it was a long time coming. We all spiraled after my moms passing, and we were already struggling beforehand. My dad fought to be there for me and my siblings, but at the end of the day his demons and addictions won. No one deserves this, though. Especially not my dad. Everything he did was done with love, compassion, and care for everyone around him.

My dad didn’t leave behind a will, but he told my brother he wished to be cremated after he goes, and that’s what we’re doing. I don’t have much in savings, and my brother and sister are both in debt trying to help themselves and my dad with those gaps in bills. We’re going to sell some possessions leftover, like my dads speakers and some tvs, and using whatever other money we have to make sure we find a different place to live - the houses rent is 2500 a month, and we can’t afford that - afford groceries, and just survive.

I’ve taken the reigns in handling my fathers estate, but the funeral arrangements is a large expense in addition to the rest of what we have to do. We’re being invoiced 1695.00, which includes transportation and refrigeration, the cremation, and copies of his death certificate when available. Once the autopsy is available, I’ll update this to include that information.

It’s just us at this point, and everything and anything helps, but even if you have read this far, that’s more than enough. Thank you for your time, and remember to hug your family and tell them you love them while you can.

-Jason