I have been raped over 100 times before the age of 7, the last time being when I was 23. I have survived a drive-by in one of my childhood neighborhoods. I lived with my sister in the projects where someone attempted sexual assault on me, and my neighbor had gang affiliations and an apparent affinity for eating stray cats—I did that so I could escape my abusive ex-husband. My parents pulled me out of school after 3rd grade, so I have some college done and am trying to get my GED this year. It’s taken longer because my ex-husband was a pedophile who groomed me until I finally got away. Living in that space, I developed an anxiety disorder on top of already having autism.

A while after that, I met who would be my partner for the next two years until yesterday. Meeting him made my life go from feeling like a horror/thriller to a romantic comedy most of the time. We had kids' names picked out and talked all the time about getting married and our future.

He comes from money that he and especially his parents have worked very hard for, so when we moved out here to LA last year in January, we were able to get a supremely beautiful place in such a safe and gated area, one that I could’ve never dreamed of living in. I can’t drive, but there’s a lot of stuff to walk to around here (all the essentials like grocery store, etc.), and I have been here for a year now, I have a couple friends within walking distance so I feel very confident I would be happy staying here even on my own.

I cannot afford this place on my own at this moment, and I need to resign my lease within about a week from writing this. I don’t have good credit, as one could probably guess from the generational poverty and not having any guidance. I am trying so hard to do better, specifically for my niece who is stuck in an abusive situation that’s been ignored and neglected by CPS and police.

I have another GoFundMe posted for her so I can help her press charges should she want to, and to give her a stable place she can live with me while I guess we both heal. The GoFundMe continues to pay for the private investigator to get proof of the abuse so CPS will have to listen this time, hopefully. Please, if you’re wanting to donate—donate to that one first.

Every donation is appreciated though. I don’t want to go back to that horror movie feeling. I am so afraid, and I have no family—most were abusive, so I’ve cut them off, including my parents.

My plan would be to use this GoFundMe money to keep my apartment while I look for a second local job to support myself here in the long run.

I feel like I have had the best two years of my life and was really starting to believe it wasn’t going to go away. I don’t want to lose this home too. Traditionally, my bedrooms have been in public spaces like dining rooms with a mattress on the floor, or the top bunk of a moldy RV bunk bed.

Sorry this is so rambly and poorly written. I am on mobile, very tired, and my brain is all around just foggy. I am so afraid.

Thank you so much.