Brittany’s recovery

From Britt:

For as long as I can remember I wanted to be a mom. I had visions of spaghetti stained shirts and smiley faces running around a softball field. Climbing all over the playground at Patty Bowker. I had this picture perfect vision of what motherhood would look like. What I didn’t realize was the journey to get there would be extremely traumatic.

The events of Noah’s pregnancy uprooted some dark demons of the childhood trauma I endured growing up. That constant yearn to be a mom became terrifying. If my body couldn’t keep him safe while pregnant how the heck could I keep him safe in this big scary world. I was diagnosed with postpartum depression, PTSD & anxiety. The trifecta. The only one I had escaped or so I thought was postpartum psychosis.

Getting pregnant with Lily was the best thing that ever happened to our family. However; being pregnant during postpartum & having a baby girl that I feared so much would be brought into the cycle of trauma, I really began spiraling.

After Lily was born I felt my best, mentally, physically and emotionally but I realize now that was me masking the underlying feelings really going on. I thought I had beaten my postpartum depression but it was only about to get worse.



The end of December 2020, I tried to take my life.



I went into what I now know was postpartum psychosis. I don’t even remember most of the events. Thankfully, Joe was at the right place at the right time. He saved my life that day.


Thank God for my therapist who worked endlessly to get me into a program at Princeton House. A week later I was being admitted into their Partial Hospitalization Program and have been with them for almost a month now. 6 hours a day, 5x a week in intensive group & individualized therapy

Unfortunately, it’s not enough. Going through a program like this can bring up intense & intrusive thoughts from the trauma (mine specifically from childhood) and I am really struggling to process things. My body mentally has completely shut down.


I am being referred to a residential treatment program in the middle of PA for a minimum of 28 days. This means no contact with anyone but Joe while away (and family sessions as needed).


I share this because so many of you have reached out asking where I’ve been, where my positive posts are and honestly - I haven’t been able to respond because mentally I am drained. This has completely shifted so many parts of our families lives. I just want to be the mom and wife my family needs.


I have been out of work since December 26th. Joe can’t work because while I am with Princeton house during the day, I’m required full time care at night. Our children need care around the clock and financially this has been SUCH a struggle. We have applied for food stamps & WIC just to make it through the next few months. The guilt and shame I have putting my family through such trauma is catastrophic. I don’t even know how we will recover from this.


I’m praying being away will allow me to fully dive into deep therapy to help recover from trauma that was never healed, yet I’m terrified leaving my family behind.


If y’all have extra room on your prayer list please please keep my sweet family in your prayers. This has been so difficult not just for me but Joe, too. He is struggling coping through all this as well. And the financial stresses on top are really getting to us as parents. Had one of us lost our jobs due to covid our Bill companies would work with us for extensions but because this is due to a mental health matter - they aren’t as willing to understand. Not to mention the medical bills piling up from being in the hospital program & now residential. My copay for Princeton House during my 4 week stay here is $140 a DAY. It’s just insane. I will still have 10 more weeks of treatment with PH after I get out of residential.


The reality is there isn’t enough resources available for moms & families who experience this postpartum. Joe is on unpaid leave because he chose to take all of his paternity leave to bond with our baby. Nothing prepares you for the events that some families experience months after baby comes home.


Those of you who have continually asked how to help this last month - we decided to take y’all up on your offer. It’s so hard to ask for help but we also know the courage it takes relying on a village. If you’re able to help we’d be forever grateful.


If you got this far...Thank you for reading and the unwavering support for our little family over the years. I love y’all so much.


Ps - I will be able to get letters while in treatment (no access to technology) so if you’re interested in sending me some encouraging letters while I’m away I would love it. I’ll be writing the entire time I’m there

thank you all.
love
joe, brittany, noah & Lily