As many of your know - or at least those of you who are, like me, addicted to facebook :) - I have been diagnosed with invasive cervical cancer this January. I have been pretty open with what has been happening for me, although I know that some of you have not known, because not everyone reads facebook :) (smart!) I have not returned some of the phone calls or messages, but only because I am a little shy and overwhelmed - not because I do not appreciate immensely the outpouring of emotional support that I received
At this moment I am in the first stage of the cancer, 1B, which means my chances of recovery are excellent and I can avoid such unpleasant things as chemo and radiation, if I get myself healthy quickly and don't let the cancer spread.
As many of you know, I've always believed - and preached, often loudly :) - in the healing powers of the body and in the mind's, soul's and heart's ability to heal anything. I believe that there is no accidents and hence in each event there is a lesson to be learned. So here in my life I have an opportunity to practice that philosophy, yet be aware that life is precious and I can not toy with it without responsibility for the consequences of my choices.
As I got diagnosed, I embarked on a quest to heal the body naturally, without surgery, chemo, radiation or drugs. I negotiated with my doctor - who originally was not a fan of the plan, but supported me - and gave myself a limit of three months to get better before I would undergo radical hysterectomy (not my personal choice). I gave it a good go with raw food diet, lots of herbs, lots of Avatar consciousness work, meditations, positive affirmations, I tortured my family with continuous dietary changes, new and weird foods, etc. After two months I was not getting worse, but not improving much and now at three months the cancer grew significantly and I must make the difficult choice of "helping nature along" :)
I am scheduled for surgery in 3 weeks and will go through with it, although I am not ruling out spontaneous healing (of course, why would I :) )
I am very lucky in so many way. I came to Boston from NM after a failed company, failed relationship, financially in a hole and a few years of pretty stressful circumstances and dropped myself on my family, hoping to recoup for a few months and start fresh. However, this diagnosis extended my "life lessons" and I am now forced to admit that going home does not always fix everything :) - no matter how much I would have like that to be the case. There is a book I am recalling at the moment that I found in my friend's house: "Wherever you go, there you are". I am living proof of that at the moment.
Financially - until now - I have been pretty lucky - thanks to the generosity of my father and health services of MA - all my traditional treatments, etc are covered and I am being supported by my family. But I have now stretched my own and my family's resources out too far and my energy levels are not high enough for me to actively pursue additional sources of income. None of the non traditional treatments, which I believe to be instrumental in my full recovery are covered by insurance. Would it not be nice if difficulties like these came at the time when everything else was perfect - you ever hear those financial experts that talk about "8 months" savings buffer that everyone must have, no credit cards and health/life insurance program? What fabulous advice! Wouldn't you know that the most stressful thing financially and emotionally always comes just as you are hanging on by your fingernails already.... I don't think I've ever gotten really sick when the timing was convenient and I could really afford it :)
So I am asking for your support, if you are so moved to contribute. Anything helps, $1,$5 - sometimes it is the smallest things that can be the final straw in something huge. I've never been good at asking for support - financial or otherwise. In my family we just offer - we don't ask deliberately.
But it is clear that if I don't change that dynamic now, I'll forever wish that I asked and gave myself the opportunity to do the things I thought were the right choices, regardless of what they cost....
This time I am asking not only for myself, but also for my family, especially my father - who has been extremely generous, but has had to say "no" to me many time over the last few months. I understand and feel what it must be like to have to say "no" to your child that has cancer when she asks to "buy her one more overpriced whole foods superfood or herb" - if I was a parent, I know that saying "no" would be heart breaking...
So I ask for your help, so that I can make my own healing choices vs going with what is covered by conventional insurance (which is not much, other than chiropractor). It would make me so much happier if I was able to ease the burden I am placing on my family supporters and ultimately be able to afford the services I want...
As for my "treatment" plan, here is the dream list:
As soon as possible go to the Hippocrates Institutehttp://www.hippocratesinst.org/ - it is a beautiful healing place in West Palm Beach FL. It has everything I wanted to manifest as healing choices - all in one place... I will use it as prep for surgery and never ruling out complete remission (spontaneous healing is very very possible, I am thinking)
And then as the last resort, the Russian super duper life reset program, dry fasting in the mountains of Russia:
And lastly, here are is a link to a woman who survived a much more difficult diagnosis of cervical cancer than I did by doing lots and lots of things. Many of which I am/was doing, but many of which I can not really afford at this point:
After that I'd like to be able to return home, continue my Avatar work and set up an Ayurvedic and Yoga therapy practice - which, by then should be so much deeper based on this life changing journey I am going through...
If any of you are interested in longer term loan and are willing to use trust in me as your guarantee, I will be eternally grateful. I do have a house that I am currently selling in NM, however proceeds from it will go to my father, who has been carrying the note for about 7 more years than he agreed to... Also, Hippocrates institute offers financing solutions for people whose credit did not suffer as mine did in my last NM adventure in construction - so if any of you are willing to be a guarantor, please give me a call: [phone redacted]
I believe life offers many blessing to each one of us - I chose to look at this as one of them. Someday in the future I will look at this time and say: "wow, that was something - I was sick, broke and living with my parents - I learned a lot :)". Your support will allow me to say to myself: "I gave it my all".