At age 61 my life has turned upside down. Now as I heal from the aftershock of the past 6 months, it is time to start all over again, alone. It was a day in February, like any other day. I get up to make breakfast as I always do. I'm more tired this morning and had not slept well tossing and turning, waking numerous times throughout the night. I'm sitting in the living room when I hear loud pounding at my front door. Then I hear men screaming outside my home. Open the door they scream. I couldn't understand what was happening. They, these men did not once announce who they were. As I looked out my kitchen window I could not recognize anyone. I could not see their uniforms or badges. As my boyfriend opened the door people started rushing into my home. All of a sudden a semiautomatic rifle was pointed at my body and I hear him screaming  turn around, put your hands up and back up towards me. It was like a horable dream. Our home was being raided by the police, FBI, and one other group. I was handcuffed sat in a chair and questioned for hours. This just couldn't be happening to me I thought. I was so terrified all I could do was cry. The love of my life had done the unmentionable. He was arrested for the intent to distribute methamphetamines. They found no product in our home. Yet they informed me they had been watching (us) since July. I was left in my bathrobe and handcuffed the longest. Our kitchens door wide open as I cried and shivered from the cold. How could this be happening to me? Now I am left to pick up the pieces of my life and move on. I was evicted from my home with no reason, even though I knew exactly what it was. I became extremely depressed, and my anxiety level topped out. Each time I became upset (which was daily) i would uncontrollably itch. I was misdiagnosed and the itching got worse. My legs are now scared from the uncontrolable itching. I later found out, it was from my nerves and anxiety of what I had experienced from the raid. Each day got harder and harder. I began selling personal Items I loved and cherished to merely get by each day. People kept telling me to just move on with my life, get a job and put it all in the past. But it wasn't that easy. My nerves were shot, I was too depressed to think let alone find a job and make it through an interview. I've come to realize due to the raid, I suffer from PTSD. I sleep with knives in my doors to stop the doors from opening if someone were to try to break in. I sleep with all the Windows locked tight even on hot muggy nights fearing someone will climb through a window. Since all this has taken place I have seeked counciling, went on antidepressants and a non-narcotic anxiety medication. I have weeded out people in my life that are not good for me, which virtually is everyone. I'm slowly healing and am getting stronger each day. I am putting in 3 applications and resumes a day for work, I'm ready to finally move on. But now, it may be too late. My boyfriend put my power bill and water bill in his name. When I finally had the mental ability to deal with merely opening his mail, the bills are outrageous. And I am facing my water and power being shut off. And struggling to pay my rent. I did ask help from my brother for last months rent but told him I will get a job and not ask him for help again.  I have a very hard time asking for help. This is why I have come to Fund Me. I understand what Meth can do to ones lives. It doesn't matter who you are, how old you are, what occupation you hold. It's a devastating drug that slowly takes over ones life until you have no life left. My boyfriend was not the person he was when I met him. He was a wonderful man that would do anything for anyone that asked for help. A kind gentle sort that loved live and me with all that he breathed. I miss the old him with all my heart. What people dont understand or even begin to want to is that Society needs to be reeducated on why people turn to the use of drugs. Any kind of drugs. At this time people here the term "METH" and they instantly lose all of even trying to understand why people use this horrible drug. Their minds tell them to judge them as bad people. The worst of the worst. You must stay away from the meth users they say. Alienate them from your life. Lock Em Up they say that will take care of them. Get them off the streets and make society around them safer. I say... If they really knew really understood the user their feelings and their thoughts and why they do the things they do.... A very high population of meth users especially women that turn to the use of Meth is due to their past upbringing. The drug is used to mask their pain in their lives. The issues they never were strong enough throughout their lives to deal with or seek help for because their past lives are too painful to think about. Lastly I have learned what I feel is the purpose of my life. At age 61 I am going to write a book called from the inside and out. The experience from those on the inside from behind bars and those that they love from the outside. I am taking his letters to me and my letters to him, and combining them  to write a book  of the devastation  of this horrible  drug. Now that he no longer uses and he's able to clearly think of what he has done to our lives together and the sadness and the apologies behind his words in his letters that eats at him on a daily basis. I wish for him treatment I wish for him peace within himself. Maybe just maybe there's a reason for everything that happens in one's life and also there is always something good that comes out of everything that is bad. I thank those out there that read all the way through this and I hope if you're a woman and you are going through something similar that you seek help now. God bless.