Heat and Hot Water

This is the heart of this old house, the front porch. I have been content to live in this house since 1982, longer than anywhere else in my life. It has also been the farm/home where my husband Geoff, lived longer than anywhere else in his life. Through sickness and death, his death 11 months ago, we had been dedicated to our home, fixing it, saving it, laughing in it, sharing it, and for Geoff, dying in it. It is where we have giggled with grandkids and stepkids and a multitude of critters rescued and fostered. It has been where we counseled people who were hurting, comforted those whose losses were unbearable, often with the help of our therapy dogs.  I have more stories of courage and joy than I can put on this page.   But now I am the one who needs to find the courage and faith. I fought foreclosure while my husband was on life support, and won my house and brought him home. I fought creditors on one phone while getting updates from doctors on another phone.  Family and friends supported me in many ways and I am grateful.  I am a widow for the first time in my life and it is a role I find disarming and crazy-making at times. Anyone who has grieved, knows it forces us into a state of being that at times is other-worldly.  In the midst of this grief, I have found myself facing impending loss. I am not the kind of person who accepts that, if I am told to surrender or give up. In 2000 when Geoff was diagnosed with pancreatic cancer, everyone thought he had a few months to live. I was defiant.  He was lucky and I kept telling him my research said he had a 5% chance of living for at least another year. I remember shouting at him that he was not going to give up and that we were going to work within those statistics! 15years later and in spite of many surgeries and treatments, he left me. Good long fight to break some records!
Now I have to muster up that spirit and tuck away my pride and find a way to stay in my home. Among all the things getting older by the minute in this old house, (incuding me!), the oil burner and lots of water pipes have died. I have been without hot water for 4 months now. I have to thank friends for letting me use their showers periodically. I have gotten to the point that I have considered putting in an electric water heater so I can do laundry and bathe here at home. That would cost about $3000. To replace the furnace which heats the house and water is around $10,000.  I don't have either. So, I am asking for help; strength to find a way and humility to recognize when I cannot do it alone. So there is the short version of my current life in this old house. Feel free to share this with anyone who might be able to help.  I have been grateful to so many kind and generous people for so much over the years. You cannot go through illnesses and loss alone. I can be a great advocate for others. For myself, well, that takes a whole other kind of courage. Thanks and Peace!
Monica Derr Tupper