New Home for the Children!

Dear Benevolent Strangers,

Destitution is at my door!  My very pregnant – and increasingly impatient – wife and I are about to be homeless, having recently listed - and accidentally sold - our house before finding a new one.  Months of searching have yielded nothing but frustration, as the only homes we can afford are in areas with below average graduation rates and above average meth-lab-explosion rates.  This makes little Marcus very sad.  His brother is also sad...  
Your donation will help ensure that these two lovable boys grow up in a nice neighborhood with grass and a fancy swingset, instead of one where they have to be locked indoors for fear of being hit by stray gunfire, or kidnapped and sold into slavery.   Together, we can save these children from a bleak future of incarceration and almost certain drug use, and their father from murder at the hands of a pregnant spouse who was pushed beyond her stress limits.

In addition, your lovely gift will imbue you with a nice little dose of good karma!  Have you recently lied to your spouse, stolen office supplies from work, or farted in a crowded elevator?  Rebalance the universe by helping rescue these darling kiddies from a life of abject squalor, and feel that bad juju disappear!

**We just got word that our buyers want to move up the closing date!  I can see the hysteria building in my wife’s eyes!  There’s no time to lose!  Act fast to prevent my untimely demise!**


Dan Kult 
Saint Charles, MO

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