Living with terminal cancer

This is my world in a picture....my 3 beautiful babies....the reason that I wake up to fight another day!
Hi my name is Shantelle I am 30 years old and have worked for the NHS in Leicester for 10 years. In February 2015 aged 28 I was diagnosed with left Breast cancer. As you can imagine I was devastated! I am mum to 3 beautiful children. They are the most important precious little beings to me. Our world as we knew it was turned upside down and would never be the same again. Tests had found a 65mm grade 3 invasive ductal carcinoma. ER high and HER2 negative. I had definite lymphovascular invasion, in which was made apparent after a lymphnode biopsy In march 2015. I was immediately started on chemotherapy. This I can only describe as a form of torture! My body tolerated it very poorly and I could only manage three cycles. My body became extremely weak and I was hospitalised frequently over the following months during treatment. I have an underlying health condition called neutropenia in which causes a low White blood cell count. This is also a side effect of the chemotherapy. As a result I had to daily inject myself with GCSF injections to try and boost my blood count. This didn't always work to my chemotherapy timescale and I was often refused my next cycle due to my bloods remaining low. By the time I had reached my third cycle my body was so weak that I collapsed in the middle of intravenous administration.  At this point the decision was made by my oncologist not to continue with anymore chemo but to go ahead with surgery. So July 2015 I underwent a full mastectomy and lymph node clearance. As a young woman I found the physical scars very hard to accept. Mentally I feel as though I have been butchered. It is a process of learning how to love myself again. In September I underwent a three week course of radiotherapy in the hope that all the cancer cells had been killed. Nothing can quite prepare you and your family for the emotional rollercoaster that cancer creates. I could not have gotten through this without all the support from my family and friends. But ultimately it is my children that have been my driving force. It broke my heart watching how scared they were, wondering if mummy would survive. I am astonished at the level of maturity and the positive attitude that they tried to continue with throughout.  At my worst they became young carers without hesitation. They make me immensely proud. There were times I felt like such a failure as a mum, not having the energy to do the simplest of tasks. Just as we thought we had put the worst behind us I was admitted to hospital February this year with chest pains. A ct scan was carried out and I could not of been prepared for the result. The cancer was back! It was only 6 months ago I had first been diagnosed! This time it is in my sternal chest bone. Recurrent breast cancer with sternal metastases. The amount of pain I was in was indescribable. Images showed that I had four tumours one of which had created a whole in the bone. At this point I was told that the cancer would be incurable. I was put under a palliative care consultant in order to get my pain controlled. My options now moving forward are to slow down anymore spread and try to keep it contained. April 2016  I was offered aggressive radical radiotherapy at an extremely high dosage on my chest. I have also been started on endocrine treatment. This involves ovarian ablation with Zoladex and letrozole. Failing this the next option is to begin chemotherapy again. Everything that has happened has taught me that life is precious and we must not take things for granted. I will continue to keep fighting whatever more obstacles may come my way. My main aim and focus right now is to take away some of the stress that my children have had to deal with. I would appreciate any kind of donation big or small. My family is precious to me and I would like to make lots of memories for us as a family so that they can remember the happy times together with their mum.