Good morning .

Im 34 years old woman with 2 sons 14 and 4 years old. I experience abusive marriage. Im shaking writing this cause it’s very difficult to admit. And it breaks my heart. During years i was lying to myself trying to safe my husband and our family. I always wanted have a family and i sacrifice everything for it. I love my kids the most in the whole world. I didn’t want they experience divorce of their parents as me when i was a child - and consequences of this ( i was rejected by a new husband of my mom and by her .. very difficult to admit again , i experience emotional abuse and i move out as 16 years old (my dad never was here and never care about me really).

I gave a birth to my first Son when i was 20 (after 4 years relationship ,it was our decision) - unfortunately my Sons Father few months later become alkoholic - and finally i raise my older son alone. His dad wasn’t able to take care even of himself.

When my older Son was seven years old i get know my actual husband - i thought he was my angel, i was really happy first time in my life, he was wonderful with me and my Son , he was like a real Father to him. I saw him as a really pure soul. He told me about his childhood and physical abuse that he experience from his mom (very violent) , about very early death of his father and brother and other traumatic experiences. He didn’t have any contact with family, didn’t have any friends and was totally alone. (Now i understand why). We are also from different countries, i didn’t know nothing about his past. We were very happy, i was so grateful to him, first time in my life somebody help me with my son and take care of us . After my traumatic experience i didn’t plan second child - my husband is 13 years older than me and was insisting a lot and finally i agree - i wanted give him everything , i really love him and i wanted „give back his love „ in the most beautiful way”. The pregnancy was amazing too and he treated me as a queen. There was really not red flags.

Everything change when our Son was born. My husband was very loving and caring but start to behave strange . First, it was emotional breakdowns and depression (which change in agression ) and very high blood pression (mini strokes). He also start to have financial problems. Each day he become more and more agresive. It’s even hard to describe what i went through. During last 4 years i was hoping something will change . He become super agresive , especially towards my older Son, i experience financial abuse (i always was independent and provide for me and my older son but this years my husband ask me to be „stay home mom” and i also wanted this for my younger one, i was sure i can Trust ), emotional and after also physical abuse. During all this time i was focus on trying help him, trying take him to therapy and i was also concern about his health problems (his brain MRI show damage), i was afraid something happen to him and i didn’t want cause that. It’s really terrible and very scary situation when you can’t really see what is right thing to do ( i didn’t want something happen to the person i love with all my heart, also Father of my child). I put a lot of guilt on me.

First he was agressive mostly with my older son and me, but now he start also with my younger Son. It’s so hard cause i know he love him but he is just not able. And this finally open my eyes. He also brainwashed him. I discover his past - his ex wife run away from him with her kids and hide so he can never find her again . I try to find a lot of excuses for this. He told me she cheat on him and steal from him. Now i know it’s not true. She also put him a case in court for abuse her teen daughter and threaten her with knife. I also discover his criminal past and that he’s still doing things that are against law. I also take a lot of credits for my name cause he ask me, it was for investment which never worked. I have now a lot of problems becouse of that. I also discover that all his family had mental problems and schizofrenia. Im really terrified.

It’s like wake up in the worse horrible nightmare when you don’t know the person with which you have a child. During last years i wanted help him cause he is father of my child and my older son already doesn’t have father. It breaks my heart. We were also constantly moving (he put huge amount of pression and manipulation ), im very far from my family and don’t have any support. I was hoping i help him, i save him, i know it can sounds crazy for some of You but i believe we have soul contract togethere. I wanted my kids have family. My husband threaten me that if i walk away he will take my Son and another time he said he will kill himself. One time he hurt himself with glass and he need surgery of hand. I don’t know what i can expect. I’m so afraid. Now i understand that i can’t do it, i can’t help him if he will not help himself, i open my eyes about my entire life and my patterns- i know it’s late but i believe it’s not too late - i need to fight for my kids. I always was very strong and positive person that was light to other people , always helping others , always have faith and hope no matter how dark it was. But right now it’s very difficult and i need help of other souls to safe me and my kids.

Please if you can donate even 10€ please do it. I promise when i go out from this i will help other women and children . I really don’t know OF WHAT MY HUSBAND IS CAPABLE OF. I know he will try to do anything to do the worse things to me when he’ll get know my decision - he already was threatening me. I need some money for safe start . For place to live, education for my kids and all expenses for start ( i have zero savings only huge credits which will be on me ) but also lawyer. I need money to move out and to cover expenses for first one/two months. I will find a nursery for my younger one and I will start work. I’m psychologist and clinical hypnotherapist but i need set up my business from beggining , i even don’t have business cards or website at the moment. It takes time to have clients and my kids need to be safe .

I don’t share my photo and details here for privacy purpose but im available to talk/make video call and show all evidences of my story.

I know there are so many people in this world that need help , so many kids, there are so many wars where innocent humans and animals suffer - i promise when i go out from this i will help others as i always do but this time even more .