Help a Black-Latinx Non-Binary person exist safely

TW: HOMOPHOBIA/ TRANSPHOBIA/ TOXIC HOUSEHOLD My name is Jazz. A 27 YO Black Puerto Rican Trans masculine Non-binary adult from the Bronx. Ive been very transparent about both my grad school problems and familial issues. As I approach my final semester of my MLIS ( masters in library science. A degree you need to become a librarian & is extremely expensive)I’m realizing that the pain of living somewhere my identity will never be accepted is more crushing than usual. I live with my toxic mother, complacent step father and 6 YO sister who I refer to as my child because I care for her as a parent. My kid knows im non-binary, I bought a book about gender identity and she gets it. ——————————- Unfortunately my mother has been homophobic my entire life & transphobic as she’s learned of those experiences. Im still dealing with bs partially bc NYC is a ridiculously expensive place to live & i cannot afford to live elsewhere working part time while I finish my degree. Im scared to leave bc i know her anger will be explosive Another reason is this trauma has been life long and ive been able to build resiliency but recently I’ve come to terms with identifying as Non-binary/ Trans masculine. Ive been getting a lot of dysphoria from being referred to as she/ daughter/ princess She’s also incredibly judgmental which im sure has crafted the environment for my Borderline Personality Disorder(BPD) to flourish which is another thing that makes it difficult to heal. I know she will not respect my pronouns or feelings on this matter because in addition to saying things like “Oh man X person is so cool. Too bad they are gonna burn in hell for all eternity for being gay” She accused me of being gay multiple times in awkward situations before I honestly knew myself and then created an environment where I knew I couldn’t tell her” She continually misgenders random people on tv shows based on her perceptions even when ive corrected her on the way they stated they identify. Little things like this have been building to the point of idk what will happen. im really just tired of being afraid to leave my room as a 27 year old. ————————————— I currently pay rent to live there because they “cannot afford rent without me”. Idk if this is true sometimes, I know it would be a struggle but I feel really trapped. it’s pretty obvious that I’m getting to the point where enough is enough. Im so tired. Im not sure what to do honestly. —————————- - im also studying to be a youth librarian this is a big part of my life you can look more into on my instagram: Thtblklibrarian Or Thank you so much in advance. The holidays have been making it increasingly difficult to avoid her and shes quick to anger.


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Jazz Justine 
Bronx, NY
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