As most of you know last year I was diagnosed with Breast Cancer, Her2new positive was the type, stage 2.  I had 6 chemotherapy treatments and a double mastectomy along with 4 surgeries for reconstruction, it was quite the year!  2015 was going to be my year to reclaim my life back.  I was asked by a dear friend of mine to join him in his new company. Everything looked as though it was going to be getting back on track for me.  I was so excited with new career opportunities, life just seemed to be falling back in place.

I was due for my third check up at the same time I was having pain on my right side, it felt as if I broke a rib.  My blood work revealed my tumor markers were high, without any delay my oncologist scheduled a PET scan.  A pet scan will reveal if there is any active cancer. Cancer lives on sugar, radioactive sugar is injected into your body and then a scan is performed. If there are any malignancies they will “light “up on the scan.  My intuition has guided me all along in this journey, from the odd way the initial cancer presented itself, to now I knew, something is not right, the pain in my ribs in unexplained came on sudden and is on the side the cancer was. 

Dr. Basche, my oncologist, came into the room she looked like she was deep  in thought , I wanted to make it easier for her so I said don’t worry I know what you’re going to say I know it’s back just give me the game plan so we can get started.  She looked at me and said “It’s very bad news.” again, I said “I know it is back, what do I need ? Radiation? Surgery? Both? “ let’s get a plan together and get started.  Her lips started moving in slow motion the words came out muffled as she said the words “liver” “bones” “lymph nodes”.  I went blank, I wasn’t expecting that! I was certain it was a small tumor under my ribs causing pain, let’ s just cut it out, maybe dose it with some radiation but this… This was worse. It has metastasized to other parts of my body, that’s stage 4, that’s terminal. 

As I have digested the news, I’ve begun to realize it’s not going to happen overnight. I am in good health otherwise and my body is strong. In general I have always lived a healthy lifestyle and exercised regularly, the worst my body has been through could be the chemotherapy itself! At least I am strong enough to tolerate a pretty hefty chemo regimen, these next 6 months are going to be crucial. So that’s the plan chemo every week with every 3rd week begin a triple cocktail that includes Anti-antibody treatment targeted to my specific type.  Since the reoccurrence, a liver biopsy was also done my liver is heavily involved it is necessary to confirm that breast cancer is in the liver and not a new type.  The biopsy revealed is was it also revealed that there was another receptor, an estrogen positive receptor.  This is good news because with more receptors on the tumor more drugs can be used to treat it.  This also explains why the reoccurrence happened at such an alarming rate and with such heavy involvement. 

 

I’ve learned a diagnosis with stage 4 cancer is like committing to a new diet and exercise plan. A plan you stay on because your life depends on it.  My life has become days that are full of the unknown, how will I feel today? Will I be able to take the kids to school? Can I cook dinner? Will I be able to get out of bed?  I have literally envisioned taking off my skin and crawling out of my body to get away from the cancer. My body is not the body I once knew, it won’t do what it used to.  It’s like someone put an old engine in a shiny new car, that plays a cruel trick on your mind.  I have started to look at life in a whole new way, Amelia spilled her milk this morning and I was there to clean it up.  I want to be able to clean up the spilled milk!   Living with stage 4 or Mets Breast Cancer can be done and I will do it! It’s chemo off and on for the rest of your life, which could be one, three or ten years. It’s a life full of doctor appointments, chemo and antibody treatments but it is a LIFE! It’s better to have unknown days then to not have any days at all.   The goal is to stop the progression or to be undetectable that would be even better. 

I am in great shape, otherwise healthy!  That’s a good thing. Dr Basche is able to start me on a very strong triple chemo cocktail for the next 6 months.  My job is to get through the side effects, it’s critical that I am able to tolerate a good 6 months of treatment. In order to focus on me and my recovery and give it all I’ve got, I have stopped working, I have sold my home and I have moved in with my parents. My AMAZING mom and dad have taken me and my children into their home, were I can rest and enjoy being a mom. It’s a blessing when I can wake up and meet the kids at the breakfast table, give them big hugs and kisses and send them into their day with positivity and inspiration.

I am blessed to have the parents I do, when most people my age are taking care of their aging parents mine are taking care of their daughter.  May I be blessed to live long enough to return the favor!  Well it is one of my goals and I plan on it!  I’ll get everything else back, it’s just stuff anyway.

If you are reading this and thinking of making a donation just know, I know, you have a choice. You could donate to Breast cancer research or one of the many other foundations.  If you choose to donate to me personally it would go to my medical bills and living expenses and if I’m lucky enough to have any funds leftover it will go to my children. 

Thank you for your donation, every bit helps me greatly!