This isn't something you read on Facebook everyday. It's raw and the hardest real life issues I wouldn't wish on my worst enemy. Never in a million years would I have ever imagined my life would be where it's at right now. I'm 37 battling the most dark,scary and unimaginable things. Depression/Anxiety/Eating Disorder and yes I'm just as shocked as you are right now. It's not something I want to shout to the world about but I'm extremely ill right now. I've gone back and forth with should I or shouldn't I talk so openly about the issues I'm battling. But how will I ever get better if I don't take back my life. I've pretty much dealt with depression since I was 17 and it has gotten worse over the years. The major part of my depression came alive about 3 years ago. No unfortunately I'm not quite ready to discuss this. I never sought out help and boy was that a big mistake. I bottled up every last bit of it. Moving forward to two days before Christmas 2015, gut wrenching information came about that flipped our whole family up side down. I knew at this point my life would never be the same. Will I ever be able too overcome this? Again I'm not ready to talk about this issue either but maybe someday I'll be in a place where I can openly talk about everything I'm dealing with in hopes it could help someone else. Because of all the trauma going on in my life I felt the need too somehow punish myself for it. About a year ago bulimia became apart of my life. Weakened to core it became uncontrollable rather quickly. It took me a long time to come clean about this to my husband. My weight went from 210 to 118 and everyone could tell something may not be right but I was never questioned about it.I'm devastated, heart broken and feeling desperately alone which by no means am I. My husband and family are more than supportive and I'm truly grateful for that. The eating disorder is directly related to the trauma I'm faced with. I've been admitted a few times because of chest pains,extreme weakness,dehydration and dangerously low potassium. After making the decision to find help I found an amazing therapist who recommended residential treatment. My insurance found a suitable place for me in Illinois. As scared as I am to leave my family for an extended amount of time it has to happen. I'm not ashamed to admit my family is not made of money but it works for us and we are all taken care of. Our insurance requires my deductible to be paid at the time of admission which is $1480.00. We don't have a money tree and I need to be in treatment as of yesterday. My family suggested we try gofundme but I am very resistant to the idea. Only because people can be so cruel and not willing to understand what someone else is battling. I'm not fond of the idea of asking people especially my family and friends for money it just feels wrong but I want to live. Desperate times call for drastic measures. I'm more then ready to tackle this and find me again. My insurance is paying more than $30,000 for treatment and I'm responsible for only the deductible which is $1480.00. If you can't help I completely understand (I'll take prayers instead)but if you can help I'll be forever grateful for your generosity. Crying all day cannot continue, punishing myself cannot continue either. This is too much to deal with on my own so the first step is recognizing I have a problem which I've done and tackle it head on. I want my life back.