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I don't really know how I feel about doing this, asking for help in a situation like this, I feel like it can be abused and cliché. Unfortunately, I don't really have any other options anymore. It has been a long year since my mom, Yvonne "Zack" Grzanich, had her 1st in the series of 3 strokes and I am at my last attempts to keep all of this together on my own ( her only child and only anything really). I have to stop and have to ask for any kind of help: advice, prayer, monetary support, or just someone to hang out with her. I have to because my mom taught me about love, humility and grace and was the most caring person that would do anything for anyone. She gave everything to me, even when she had nothing to give. So I need to return this to her and try my best to care for her now.
The past few years I had started to see a decline in her memory, the doctors said she probably suffered an initial undetected stroke about 6 years ago. From then it has been hard for my mom to do small simple things like balance her checkbook, remember how to use her iPhone and managing her way around a kitchen and pay her bills (this may have been voluntary - more on that later). For any of you that knew her in the past life, you can attest she was a wonderful cook and homemaker and if you ever came to our house you were showered with love and fun and a second mom. Back to the story -These little issues started disrupting daily life. In April 2015, while on the normal phone conversation with my mom late at night, her speech became severely slurry and I realized that she was having a stroke. After the hospital sent her home thinking she could care for herself and I too was fooled by her "good days" thinking she could. From there it became even harder to remember simple things like directions, taking buses and to refill her pills and to set up appointments. She never got any after care because she was getting constantly confused with long phone conversations. Soon we took away her driving privileges and that meant anytime she needed to go anywhere Cameron or myself would have to haul to Escondido to take her to South San Diego for doctors’ appointments. Her living in Escondido became hard on us when she needed things immediately and we like almost 40 mins away. However, we managed to make it work.
In August of 2015, things seemed to be going good. I got a batch of the flu and had spent the night sick up until the wee hours of the morning. I called my mom to get some sympathy (because even at 29, you still want your mom when you're sick) and tell her I wasn’t going to work, and she picked up the phone and the same familiar slurred voice was on the other end. Was this real? Another stroke, while on the phone with me?! We were very fortunate in both cases to get her to the hospital in time. This time I was applying for a new job at school, something I was so excited about and decided to put that first and kept it hidden from school. I didn’t want them to think this was going to keep me from doing the job. So while my mom was being discharged, I told the hospital I couldn’t leave work to get her (a mistake I still regret). If I would have known at that time, I could have told the hospital she didn’t have a safe way to get home, or a safe place to go back to. Suffering 2 strokes in 4 months, she should have been sent to rehab. None of this was discussed with me and no doctors reached out. They said my mom had to be out and sent her home in a cab. Confused and stubborn my mom got out of the taxi a mile away from the hospital and proceeded to walk home, 4 miles, after just being discharged from the hospital. I am so upset that I let this happen. If only I knew I had rights, she had rights to stand up for her safety.
In early September I realized just how bad off she was caring for herself. She wasn’t eating properly and wasn’t taking her pills. It became harder to have her understand timelines, plans and understand what she was trying to say with the left over from this stroke. She knew what she wanted to say but the state of her brain was keeping her from properly expressing it. In November we realized she could no longer live alone and decided to move her in with Cameron's grandmother whom we had just been living with for the past 9 months caring for her post fall/hip replacement. We thought them moving in together would be a solution to both of our families situations and my mom would finally be 5 minutes from me and now I could really take care of her --- so I thought.
After my mom moved in we realized that she needed more supervision that we expected, but at least she was close by. I soon noticed a severe decline in her ability to prepare meals for herself, go places without getting lost and continuing to try to speak her mind when her mind would let it be expressed. She spent a lot of time inside with her dog and started to lose a lot of weight. My mom started to get very depressed and couldn’t figure out what she did wrong in life.
Almost a year to the date of the 1st stroke, after getting back from our trip to Peru, I noticed my mom was really off, talking about seeing people in her room and really struggling to hold attention in conversations, and not being able to send text messages that made any sense. She complained one morning of blurry-foggy vision and was struggling to see. I was very nervous about this because she never really complained of something like this and I just knew something was off. I called her doctor who advised me to see a specialist and when I asked if she should got to urgent care he advised against it. So I took her grocery shopping to make sure she had enough food for the weekend and took her home. That night I called her and she was talking all sorts of nonsense, I thought it had been a long day so let’s try to sleep it off. Around 4 that next morning, Cameron's Grandmother called us to let us know my mom was wandering around the house. We raced over and found my mom completely delusional and rushed her to the ER. It was later diagnosed that she had a SEVERE UTI (where the delusions were coming from--PSA: UTI's in elderly are no joke!!!) They admitted her to the hospital for overnight observation and while doing another scan of her brain they realized that the confusion and delusions were most likely from a 3rd stroke that had happened within the week. She stayed for 3 more nights and then was sent to a skilled nursing facility for 2 weeks to get stronger. This was a great time, she had so much fun, had tons of people visiting and was getting great care that she needed. This was the first time we were able to get her to work with a speech therapist and saw almost instant positive results. It was then that the doctors brought to my attention that she was moving from slight dementia brought on by stroke to being diagnosed with moderate to severe dementia that will progress even more over time. They sat me down and really tried to talk to me about what my options were for getting her assisted care.
My mom had never been good with money, it stems from her dad passing away when she was very young, and she was beautiful and loved to have fun. She was a model, flight attendant, cocktail waitress, your perfect "trophy" girlfriend. She was never single for very long. I think a lot of that was due to some of the "Daddy Issues" when her Dad passed. She was taken care of by her boyfriends and never expected to make an income for herself because they promised they would take care of her. Until they left, and they always did. She spent 11 years of her life with a very wealthy man only to have him leave her in one of the most awful ways (this still haunts her to this day and she never recovered from it).
When she and my Dad got together, it wasn’t so much because they were head over heels in love with each other, but more so because both of them longed to have a child, they were great friends and wanted to experience what it was like to raise a child together. So they tried and tried and tried, 2 miscarriage’s and a huge leg reconstructive surgery for my dad later and somehow little Irish Kristina Marie Lei-Aloha Grzanich managed to come into the world.
My mom was finally a mother and this I believe is what she was destined to be. I had wonderful childhood, so much love from both parents (who quickly found out they were better apart than together). My mom stayed with me in San Diego and raised me the best she could. We never had a lot of money, or we had money, but my mom was never good with managing it. The boyfriends always did that and just let her sit back and keep the house clean. She tried her best, she never told me no. Was I spoiled? Probably, but more so with her love. She did everything possible to support my Figure Skating for 11 years, she knew how much it mean to me and how it molded me for discipline as such a young age. She always supported me, was PTA Mom, Girl Scout Leader, hosted thousands of sleepovers with my friends and loved everyone that came to our house like they were her own.
My Mom may have never had the smarts to save for a rainy day or to invest her money in ways that would provide for her future, but she did a hell of a job with what she had and gave me an amazing life. I learned how to love from her, love without conditions or judgments and to spread that love as much as I can. She is the reason I got into photography and supported me all the way through it. I have been able to do a lot with my life and I am so thankful for the foundations of loving people she instilled in me.
Prayer and Monetary Support will go to: finding an assisted living center that will accept her and her low income assisted living waiver, my mom needs more supervision with medication and nutrition and with me working weekdays and traveling for weddings on weekends makes it really hard to make sure she is okay on her own. She needs to be somewhere where she can be social, mildly independent and able to get a better grasp on life. She wants to have friends and have fun and it’s about time health stops getting in the way. Also this will help with: prescriptions, past medical bills, monthly subscription to Meals on Wheels, other groceries and personal care needs, dog food, dental work and a little extra to have some fun and start checking off items on the bucket list she and I are creating.
Thanks for listening to my long winded story. It's been quite a ride for my mom for the past 30 years, and now all I care about is making the last leg of it happy and help her feel like she really matters in the big world.
<3 Irish
The past few years I had started to see a decline in her memory, the doctors said she probably suffered an initial undetected stroke about 6 years ago. From then it has been hard for my mom to do small simple things like balance her checkbook, remember how to use her iPhone and managing her way around a kitchen and pay her bills (this may have been voluntary - more on that later). For any of you that knew her in the past life, you can attest she was a wonderful cook and homemaker and if you ever came to our house you were showered with love and fun and a second mom. Back to the story -These little issues started disrupting daily life. In April 2015, while on the normal phone conversation with my mom late at night, her speech became severely slurry and I realized that she was having a stroke. After the hospital sent her home thinking she could care for herself and I too was fooled by her "good days" thinking she could. From there it became even harder to remember simple things like directions, taking buses and to refill her pills and to set up appointments. She never got any after care because she was getting constantly confused with long phone conversations. Soon we took away her driving privileges and that meant anytime she needed to go anywhere Cameron or myself would have to haul to Escondido to take her to South San Diego for doctors’ appointments. Her living in Escondido became hard on us when she needed things immediately and we like almost 40 mins away. However, we managed to make it work.
In August of 2015, things seemed to be going good. I got a batch of the flu and had spent the night sick up until the wee hours of the morning. I called my mom to get some sympathy (because even at 29, you still want your mom when you're sick) and tell her I wasn’t going to work, and she picked up the phone and the same familiar slurred voice was on the other end. Was this real? Another stroke, while on the phone with me?! We were very fortunate in both cases to get her to the hospital in time. This time I was applying for a new job at school, something I was so excited about and decided to put that first and kept it hidden from school. I didn’t want them to think this was going to keep me from doing the job. So while my mom was being discharged, I told the hospital I couldn’t leave work to get her (a mistake I still regret). If I would have known at that time, I could have told the hospital she didn’t have a safe way to get home, or a safe place to go back to. Suffering 2 strokes in 4 months, she should have been sent to rehab. None of this was discussed with me and no doctors reached out. They said my mom had to be out and sent her home in a cab. Confused and stubborn my mom got out of the taxi a mile away from the hospital and proceeded to walk home, 4 miles, after just being discharged from the hospital. I am so upset that I let this happen. If only I knew I had rights, she had rights to stand up for her safety.
In early September I realized just how bad off she was caring for herself. She wasn’t eating properly and wasn’t taking her pills. It became harder to have her understand timelines, plans and understand what she was trying to say with the left over from this stroke. She knew what she wanted to say but the state of her brain was keeping her from properly expressing it. In November we realized she could no longer live alone and decided to move her in with Cameron's grandmother whom we had just been living with for the past 9 months caring for her post fall/hip replacement. We thought them moving in together would be a solution to both of our families situations and my mom would finally be 5 minutes from me and now I could really take care of her --- so I thought.
After my mom moved in we realized that she needed more supervision that we expected, but at least she was close by. I soon noticed a severe decline in her ability to prepare meals for herself, go places without getting lost and continuing to try to speak her mind when her mind would let it be expressed. She spent a lot of time inside with her dog and started to lose a lot of weight. My mom started to get very depressed and couldn’t figure out what she did wrong in life.
Almost a year to the date of the 1st stroke, after getting back from our trip to Peru, I noticed my mom was really off, talking about seeing people in her room and really struggling to hold attention in conversations, and not being able to send text messages that made any sense. She complained one morning of blurry-foggy vision and was struggling to see. I was very nervous about this because she never really complained of something like this and I just knew something was off. I called her doctor who advised me to see a specialist and when I asked if she should got to urgent care he advised against it. So I took her grocery shopping to make sure she had enough food for the weekend and took her home. That night I called her and she was talking all sorts of nonsense, I thought it had been a long day so let’s try to sleep it off. Around 4 that next morning, Cameron's Grandmother called us to let us know my mom was wandering around the house. We raced over and found my mom completely delusional and rushed her to the ER. It was later diagnosed that she had a SEVERE UTI (where the delusions were coming from--PSA: UTI's in elderly are no joke!!!) They admitted her to the hospital for overnight observation and while doing another scan of her brain they realized that the confusion and delusions were most likely from a 3rd stroke that had happened within the week. She stayed for 3 more nights and then was sent to a skilled nursing facility for 2 weeks to get stronger. This was a great time, she had so much fun, had tons of people visiting and was getting great care that she needed. This was the first time we were able to get her to work with a speech therapist and saw almost instant positive results. It was then that the doctors brought to my attention that she was moving from slight dementia brought on by stroke to being diagnosed with moderate to severe dementia that will progress even more over time. They sat me down and really tried to talk to me about what my options were for getting her assisted care.
My mom had never been good with money, it stems from her dad passing away when she was very young, and she was beautiful and loved to have fun. She was a model, flight attendant, cocktail waitress, your perfect "trophy" girlfriend. She was never single for very long. I think a lot of that was due to some of the "Daddy Issues" when her Dad passed. She was taken care of by her boyfriends and never expected to make an income for herself because they promised they would take care of her. Until they left, and they always did. She spent 11 years of her life with a very wealthy man only to have him leave her in one of the most awful ways (this still haunts her to this day and she never recovered from it).
When she and my Dad got together, it wasn’t so much because they were head over heels in love with each other, but more so because both of them longed to have a child, they were great friends and wanted to experience what it was like to raise a child together. So they tried and tried and tried, 2 miscarriage’s and a huge leg reconstructive surgery for my dad later and somehow little Irish Kristina Marie Lei-Aloha Grzanich managed to come into the world.
My mom was finally a mother and this I believe is what she was destined to be. I had wonderful childhood, so much love from both parents (who quickly found out they were better apart than together). My mom stayed with me in San Diego and raised me the best she could. We never had a lot of money, or we had money, but my mom was never good with managing it. The boyfriends always did that and just let her sit back and keep the house clean. She tried her best, she never told me no. Was I spoiled? Probably, but more so with her love. She did everything possible to support my Figure Skating for 11 years, she knew how much it mean to me and how it molded me for discipline as such a young age. She always supported me, was PTA Mom, Girl Scout Leader, hosted thousands of sleepovers with my friends and loved everyone that came to our house like they were her own.
My Mom may have never had the smarts to save for a rainy day or to invest her money in ways that would provide for her future, but she did a hell of a job with what she had and gave me an amazing life. I learned how to love from her, love without conditions or judgments and to spread that love as much as I can. She is the reason I got into photography and supported me all the way through it. I have been able to do a lot with my life and I am so thankful for the foundations of loving people she instilled in me.
Prayer and Monetary Support will go to: finding an assisted living center that will accept her and her low income assisted living waiver, my mom needs more supervision with medication and nutrition and with me working weekdays and traveling for weddings on weekends makes it really hard to make sure she is okay on her own. She needs to be somewhere where she can be social, mildly independent and able to get a better grasp on life. She wants to have friends and have fun and it’s about time health stops getting in the way. Also this will help with: prescriptions, past medical bills, monthly subscription to Meals on Wheels, other groceries and personal care needs, dog food, dental work and a little extra to have some fun and start checking off items on the bucket list she and I are creating.
Thanks for listening to my long winded story. It's been quite a ride for my mom for the past 30 years, and now all I care about is making the last leg of it happy and help her feel like she really matters in the big world.
<3 Irish