Hi, I'm Frank Pain. I'd like to buy Dave Grohl. Yes, that dude that's in the Foo Fighters and was in Nirvana.

I'm his biggest fan and figured I can round up enough scratch to purchase him so we can hang out and high five and shit. Heck, I may give him a bro-hug or two as well.

I'm not 100% the amount I'm asking for will buy him. Hell, I'm not even sure if it's legal to purchase another human being without being some central part of a 20/20 tv special. But, I figured it wouldn't hurt to try, right?

Since everyone has their hands out these days, I thought I'd join the party - primarily because I don't have that kind of scratch.

If it is indeed illegal to purchase another human (or if Mr. Grohl isn't a willing purchasee) then I'll spend the money on beer because Dave seems like the kind of person that would want me to drink beer.

If you donate, I'll send you a cool text message that includes some emojis that no one understands.