In Memory Of William Vincent Ross.

I dont really know where to start... its been 6 days since I last found my husband lifeless... William Vincent Ross, my best friend, the love of my life... This is our love story... 2013 I met Will in Kuwait where he worked as a mechanic in the American base, and me as a Nurse. We first chatted online, went out had a coffee with a friend and from then on he wont stop messaging and ringing me on his free time. Though it was hard to understand his Scouse accent, i pretty learnt it quickly. He was funny and full of life. I thought he was honest, he was proud to be a dad of his 2 kids Olivia and Liam. I did understood from where he was coming from and there was no issue with me at all, of him being a single dad. I learnt about his depressions. He used to be in the army. And the battles he had, the court cases filed by his ex partner. And sadly, she had stopped him from seeing the kids on 2012. Alcohol could be his buddy but when we were together, he seemed to become more of a happy lad. After a month of courting, we became couple. He invited me to the UK for a month visit and met his mum for the first time. Pauline, who was very lovely and the kindest lady i met second to my nanay. We clicked together and she would always defended me from Will on our small arguments and debates. 2014 We shared the same interests, we loved the laughs, the silly jokes, we both were Catholics and we were just in love. We were a happy couple and friends and families could attest to that too. Finally, he popped the question and I said yes. We flew to the Philippines and got married. He fell in love with the people and the place. For him, he said Filipinos were the happiest people in the world, everyone just seem to smile a whole lot, everyone was just jolly. He always wanted to have a place in Davao, my hometown and retire there with me someday. He loved the freshness of the fruits and got crazy with the meaty coconuts and juicy mangos, and later on mango float became his favourite dessert especially made by my sister. He rode the tricycle, went to the wet market and get dirty, mind the neighbour's pigs, got bitten by mosquitoes, enjoyed the beautiful scenery overseeing from the Jacks Ridge, endured the long hike at Eden's garden and be covered with pretty massive butterflies, swam to the crystal clear beach of Samal Island and above all loved my family as his own. 2015 -2016 We were back into the dessert, to work work work and work. He only used to have 3 months contract and most of the time he had to head back to the UK until he got signed up for a new contract. So we endured being lovers in long distance... ended up being together for at least 3 months or so. Until finally, I got hired by the NHS. 2017 I got the job in the outskirts of London. And Will was back in Liverpool, we were like "so close yet so far" but at least, in England now. He was back to Kuwait for sometime, took a sick off and finally was home for good. 2018 Like any other marriages, we had issues which we quickly setlled. We sat, talked about it and sorted it. Gave the relationship a chance. Later on, I got pregnant and by 16th December, Sofia was born. We were a happy parent. But i guess he was not that prepared. 2019 Will struggled to be a dad once again, but did cope later on. He was hands on to Sofia, gave her bath, fed her and put her to sleep. And finally, learnt to become a proper dad once more. He still have some issues with himself, his past demons kept dragging him down. April He was reunited with his brother who had lived and Kuwait. Went to help him who just bought a house, stayed with him for a week and had a binge, he carried on drinking when he was back to Liverpool, until finally he could not cope with the pain and ended up in the hospital. He was put into coma for 2 wks, his mum died when he woke up. Stayed in the hospital for the next 3 months. He was finally home by June, but the hard part had just started. The recovery was slow but eventually he conquered it, months and months he managed to gain his physical strengths but mentally he was fragile, he was still grieving over his mum's death. Almost every month, we were back to A&E. I had to resign from my job in London and finally got employed here in Liverpool on November. It was tough as we juggled being parents, me as a full time worker, and him as a patient and a father at the same time. We managed to attend follow up visits, in between days off, managing our little Sofia. We got friends and families who would help mind Sofia for us. But at some point, Will got fed up and got tired. He had not been compliant with his medications and resort to drinking occassionally. 2020 January The marriage shaking. I was not happy anymore, the relationship was getting toxic. We went to GP and asked for help and advice. And gave ourselves another chance. March He was back in the hospital. Sugars and ketones were up at critical stage, and that was after having a binge. I had to decide and took Sofia back to Philippines for her safety. As I could not imagine Sofia being with him at his most vulnerable time. While me, working and looking after him at the same time, it was just too much to handle. Then the pandemic rose, lockdown was everywhere. Sofia was stuck in the Philippines but I knew she was in the best place in the world. Our department where I work shifted to a COVID ward. The lockdown, had cause William's mental health deterioaration. I have asked for helped from every agency, social worker, community mental health, even the police as I do not know what to do anymore. It was mentally torturing me. He initially agreed for the help but refused all the help later on. I cant do anything anymore, I stayed in my accommodation from 1st of May, settled in, regained my own peace. I still went to check on him as he was alone in the house. Visited him once a week, brought him food. Facetime with our Sofia. Left him with my other phone full of credits with internet so he could call and reached out with everyone. May 25 My 36th birthday, I celebrated it with William, had a simple dinner, watched the telly together and went to bed and had a good night sleep. May 26 I invited him to go to see our friends but he does chose not to. I left in the morning. Rang him by afternoon but no answer... May 27, 28 I was at work but kept ringing him. Still no answer... May 29 He rang me back twice, saying he was tired. I asked him if he needed an ambulance to get him to the hospital, he refused it. May 30 I was at work, rang him, no answer. He usually does it, not answering any calls and returns call in 3 to 4 days time. June 1 I decided to check on him before i go for my night shift. I went home, opened the door, went to the living room and discovered the mess, full of more than 10 alcohol bottles and ciggys everywhere, I called and shouted his name. Went to the bedroom, and found William lifeless. He was kneeling with face down on the bed, his mouth was full of blood, his face was all over blue. I was hysterical, I screamed and cried. I called the ambulance and paramedics came, they took me out from the room. Comforted me and calmed me down, I was in the state of shock. I could not move my arms and legs. I was breathless. From then on, the image and the smell of his dead body was in my mind, haunting me for 3 days. I could not sleep and I cannot stop crying. Thank God I got friends who adopted me for the this week. Families and friends all over the world saying their prayers and sharing their sympathies, and face timed me. All these, had helped me recover each single day. I felt really bad to what happened to Will, people were convincing me that it was not my fault and not to blame myself. Apart from one person - his brother. And he send me this text: "The death was a result of your actions. From moving to Uk getting pregnant taking a baby away at most vulnerable times and leaving him to die." He has since threatend to sue me on December 2019, when he found out that Will had some few drinks for Christmas and blamed me since then of Will's deterioration. I had borrowed a grand of him for my visa, I still owe him that money and explained my struggles. I spoke to his wife who originally owns the dough and was kind enough to send me this text " Sorry for your loss Rakel. I hope u r ok and be strong for your little beautiful girl. I never thought anything about the money. I know the situation was hard. Just get back on your feet and do what’s best for you. Take care" Hence, I am trying to raise the funds for Will's funeral as he also mentioned that if nothings gonna be done, he will pay for the funeral and would not let anyone and myself attend it. If you believe in my genuity and sincerity, can you leave a comment on my facebook aside from donating a fund. Please leave a comment of how do you think I am as a person. Because this not only to give Will a beautiful send off but to back me up in case he's planning the worse of sueing me. Thank you for your help and I do need your support and prayers. Please God, guide us and protect us along the way. May the blood of Jesus and the blue mantle of Mama Mary shield us from evil attacks. In Jesus name. Amen.