My whole life has gone up in flames...nothing left but my car and the clothes I was wearing... I have lost my Kiara and am praying for her to have got away and be safe... But it would be divine intervention if she is alive! It's now 34days and no sign of her. Kovus (my dog I put down on 26/1/2019) ashes and all the things special to him f***ing gone forever! This year has destroyed me and turned my optimistic can do into a dust and distrust. My year I'm sure is relatable to so many but this is the first time I'm saying publicly "I'm so NOT OK!" To really be frank I'd do anything for anyone, any time and no matter the personal impact or price. I always compliment strangers or simply smile and say hello. I put everyone first and always be thoughtful and caring. This world is hard enough but yet people choose to be selfish and cruel to each other. People turn away from those different and judge and bully. Now I have nothing but humans to rely on....This has been significantly overwhelming, unfathomable, confusing and a whirlwind week. With lots of things I've had to do and deal with, whilst not knowing what to do or where to go or where to start. My biggest focus and priority has been searching for my kiara, in hope that she magically got out! I do spend a lot of time around the house looking for her, talking to neighbours and diging in the ruins. I was successful in getting a new rental property and I moved into it on the Thursday after the fire. It's a one bedroom studio and it had the basic furniture included. Within the first 3 weeks living here I've had to lodge a QCAT to ask for an urgent termination of my lease due to the domestic violence, assaults, nudity, being watched and listened to and the disgusting way that the people live at the premises. The real estate had full knowledge of who was living here and what it was like prior to putting me in here however as I was in such a distressed state took their word for it being safe. Communify & Salvos, have genoursly given hampers of food, gift vouchers and furniture with more still to come around my medication and food support. It is so overwhelming going through this, I struggle to even do basic things like remember what I'm doing. I'm so angry about this! I'm so hurt over this! I'm in disbelief! I'm saddened! I'm devastated! Im thinking for Kiara! I'm holding on hope! I'm letting that hope go! I'm lost! None of this makes any sense and although I wish it did, I am just trying to process this. I see the flames and smell the fire always...I hear Kiaras bell or meow taunting me and sometimes i think i see her body in the ashes...shopping for something that I owned not even 34 days ago and having to decide to "waste" money as it could be burnt tomorrow anyway triggers panic attacks. It's just a constant rollercoaster and one I am yet to see where it ends. My mental health is deteriorating and I'm starting to self harm. I'm stuck between what I was, what's gone, what i need and moving on. My Centrelink benefits have been cut as I have not completed job searching since the fire even after submitting a 3-month medical certificate due to the deterioration of my mental health. I've not been eligible for any forms of funding for support financially in order to be able to set myself back up again including another Bond, removalists or my at home salon and online business office. I also have no money to print flyers to help find my baby girl Kiara.