I’ve hated my chest for as long as I could remember. Puberty was traumatizing for me and because I developed early, kids (ever so observant) always seemed to zero in on the one thing I hated so much... It was embarrassing.Not only did it bring me gendered attention that I didn’t want; my HHH sized breasts (yeah you heard right HHH) on a 5’2 frame have caused me more days of chronic back pain and burning nerves than I can count. Most days I am late to work because I dread getting dressed- I experience so much anxiety at night (knowing that I am going to have to get up and put a bra on, that no binder will ever flatten my chest enough for me to not constantly be thinking about how awkward and inadequate as a person they make me feel, I often find myself having to take Xanax just to turn my dysphoria down a notch so that I can sleep. The gender and body dysphoria that comes with feeling like a stranger in my own body as well as having breasts that take up literally my whole torso is absolutely unreal. The toll of having oversized breast on my body and self esteem has affected my personality, my ability to be the outgoing person I know that I am as well as affected my ability to show up 100% at my job. I have permanent indentations on my shoulders from holding up 20 pound breasts. I have scars on my torso from bras ripping into damp skin, I also have scars from the constant yeast infections and rashes I develop under and between my breasts due to moisture being trapped closed to my skin. Before I had the words to describe that I was trans/non-binary I assumed that I would either have to live with not just breasts but fucking ENORMOUS breasts forever. I am so blessed to be apart of a community that is not only out here giving folks access to language to describe who they are but for putting baby trans folks on game that while there is no one way to be trans; you really don’t have to live like a stranger in your own body if that’s not what you envision for yourself. Thankfully I’ve been blessed with the opportunity to get top surgery. Coming out as trans has not only helped me get to know myself, but more than ever it has made me sure of what I need to feel at home in my body. Unfortunately, my insurance will not cover my whole surgery. I am on the hook for $850. Top surgery will not only rid me of the burden of oversized breasts but it will restore my confidence, diminish my depression and anxiety and give me the ability to run again without pain, discomfort, and gross stares. I’ll be able to live and not feel like I’m hiding parts of myself. Im ready to not feel like just being alive is suffocating and agitating. I’m ready to breathe both literally and figuratively. I’m ready to just be me. I am trying to fund $850 for my top surgery $250 for the insurance deductible that I need to reach before my consultation in June (June 3rd) and $1500for costs associated with sustaining myself while I recover from my surgery in July for a total of $2600 .Please help me get to my goal! Much love and solidarity!! Mattie M

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Mattie Mooney 
Seattle, WA
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