Now I Lay Me Down to Sleep

Whitney and I went to sleep on January 16th, 2023 with Tate Wilder kicking away ready to join our family in the very near future. We knew it could be any day now that we'd welcome our second son into the world, and Jasper would have the little brother he was so incredibly excited for.

January 17th is a day I will never forget as it replays in my head on a daily basis. Regret, as I think about fighting traffic to get home to pick Jasper up from daycare as fast as I could to join Whitney at the hospital, where she had to drive herself that late afternoon. Dread, as I had to temper Jasper's excitement on the drive home as he thought Mama was at the hospital with his new baby brother while I had a sinking feeling the absolute worst was happening. Sadness, as our hearts sank when we were given the worst news of our lives that our little boy wouldn't be joining us in this world as his little heart had stopped beating. Silence, moments that have been etched into my heart and memory as no newborn cries filled the delivery room when his body entered the world.

I was on the fence about running my first marathon in 2023, but after January 17th I began to find peace in running and decided to sign up for one. Long runs gave me the opportunity to be alone with my thoughts and let me have conversations with Tate during training, and I knew he had been listening when I was randomly assigned a bib number that just so happened to be his birthday, 117, for that race.

I've set out this summer to tackle the Leadville Silver Rush 50 race. This will be the longest run I've ever attempted, but I know Tate will help me when things get tough. With everything happening so fast that dreadful night, one of my biggest regrets is not having more pictures of Tate to help me remember his face. I am running 50 miles with the goal of raising $1250 for Now I Lay Me Down to Sleep, hoping to support other families suffering from stillborn loss. Any donation, no matter the amount, is greatly appreciated and will help provide a bit of healing for families in their darkest hours.

-Jacob

Want to join me in making a difference? I'm raising money to benefit Now I Lay Me Down to Sleep, and any donation will help make an impact. Thanks in advance for your contribution to this cause that means so much to me.

More information about Now I Lay Me Down to Sleep: To introduce remembrance photography to parents suffering the loss of a baby with a free gift of professional portraiture. NILMDTS remembrance photography validates the existence and presence of these precious babies by honoring their legacy. NILMDTS recruits, trains, and mobilizes professional quality photographers around the world. Through NILMDTS, medical personnel are given a meaningful option to offer bereaved parents by creating remembrance portraiture for their babies.

My wife and I lost our son, Maddox the day he was born. He was our first child. Having to live in the days after that we’re the hardest thing we have ever done. Coming home to a nursery and no child, driving home from the hospital with an empty car seat. Not being sure if you will get the chance to be a parent again. These are all things that parents face on a daily basis. NILMTS (Now I Lay Me Down To Sleep) is a team of volunteers that come in to take professional photos so the parents can remember the brief time they had with their child. Last year we raised $2310, our goal is to far exceed that this year by his birthday on May 9th. Thank you for taking the time to hear our story and donate.