Helping After Neonatal Death (HAND)

Emmeline Iris Dutra Sakai came into this world on February 27th, 2021 at 1:06 p.m., the long-awaited and much-loved firstborn child of Haru and Alanna Dutra Sakai.

Emmeline was born with her father's hands.

Emmeline was born with her mother's toes.

Emmeline was born without a heartbeat.




Although learning how to live after our child has died is incredibly difficult, we are fortunate to be surrounded by many protective factors that make this process so much easier to bear. We received wonderful care from our medical team, benefited from an outpouring of love, support, and food from our community, and were given the time off from work that we needed to heal. We also had the benefit  of excellent bereavement care.

Although we assumed that our experience was standard, we have learned that it is not.

Many families give birth in facilities that do not provide the empathetic bereavement care that is essential for healing. Instead, they are left with the trauma of losing a child compounded by the trauma of inadequate opportunities to create memories with their baby.  

When a baby dies in utero, during birth, or shortly thereafter, families have a very limited window of time to spend with the child they have spent months bonding with and loving deeply.

For these families, every first is an only. 

In addition to the compassionate care we were given, the hospital also provided us with a Cuddle Cot, a cooling device that extends the window of time families have with their baby. The hospital also arranged for a visit with a photographer from Now I Lay Me Down to Sleep, an organization that allows families to create enduring, lasting memories with their child through free photography sessions.

For us, these services gave Emmeline's maternal grandparents the opportunity to meet her. 

These services gave Emmeline's mother the opportunity to cover her face with kisses.

These services gave Emmeline's father the opportunity to introduce her to her uncle. 

Please help us give more families these opportunities.

We are partnering with the organization Helping After Neonatal Death (HAND) to raise money for the following objectives:
* Donation of Cuddle Cots (or equivalent) to local Bay Area hospitals that do not have them, with a prioritization for hospitals serving communities with a higher incidence of stillbirth
* Help to ensure local hospital staff has received education on evidence-based, compassion-first approaches to bereavement care
* Provisioning of literature and resources for families to make them aware of services like Now I Lay Me Down to Sleep, supportive organizations like HAND, and other information to help them navigate this challenging time
* Creation of care packages for families to offer comfort  

As HAND is a 501(c)(3) nonprofit organization, all of your contributions are both eligible for a company match and tax deductible. In addition, Haru and Alanna will be matching all funds raised up to $10,000. 

Please join us in honoring Emmeline's life by donating to this cause and helping more parents receive the care they deserve.

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More information about Helping After Neonatal Death (Hand): HAND was founded in 1983 in response to a lack of support resources to help parents cope with the death of their baby before, during, or shortly after birth. HAND is a volunteer organization composed primarily of parents who, themselves, have experienced infant loss. HAND serves two primary populations -- (1) parents and families, and (2) healthcare providers -- with its service offerings. For parents, our services are focused on providing support, and for heathcare providers, our services are focused on education and creating an awareness and sensitivity to the issues parents face around infant loss.

Our deepest thanks go to Liz MacAskill and LaNell Gardner of Now I Lay Me Down to Sleep and Caren Hespeler of Heart Work Birth Services for providing us with these wonderful images. We are also grateful to the wonderful staff at El Camino Los Gatos and our midwife, Christine Borden of Bay Area Maternity, for gently guiding us through Emmeline’s death and birth.