Caroline's Breast Cancer Treatment

 
Live while you're living.

I used to feel like there were two versions of me. The old carefree me before I had cancer and the new post cancer me; shaken and wiser. Being diagnosed with Breast Cancer at 37 shattered my world. My children were aged just 8 months and 4 years old and it should have been one of the happiest times of my life. I thought back then that it was the darkest time of my life. I thought life would never be the same. However after surgery, chemotherapy and radiotherapy, and with the help and love of my amazing family and friends, I rebuilt my life step by step and family life gradually returned to a new kind of normal. I made a vow to myself never to be complacent, to never put things off and to never (or almost never) sweat the small stuff! I tried to raise as much money for cancer charities and causes as I could, to try and repay the massive debt I felt I owed for my recovery. In the five years following my diagnosis I have managed to raise around £13,000.

Five years on and I feel like there are three versions of me. In January this year I was told my cancer had returned. I was devastated. For the moment it is treatable. However no one can really predict how long it will remain treatable for. Cancer changes you in so many ways. Some good, some bad. Learning to live in the moment is perhaps something we all should do. It's a cliche but I really do cherish every second of my life and I love my husband and children with a passion I never knew was possible before.

It is very early days, but thanks to the amazing care I am receiving from the NHS, my cancer seems to be responding to treatment so far. There are several drugs and treatments I can access to try and control the cancer for as long as they each work (some, if you're lucky, can work for years), but each drug has a shelf life and how long they will work for is unique to each individual. There will come a time however when I run out of NHS funded treatments. This is just not acceptable to me. This third version of me is 'down but not out.' I love my life. I'll even settle to live with cancer, if it can just be quiet and under control. I don't ever want cancer to define me. I want the things I do in life to define who I am.

It's with a sadness beyond measure therefore that I now need to divert my energies away from fundraising for others to instead raising money for myself. I never thought I'd be writing this. I never thought I'd be crowd funding for cancer drugs. New, more targeted drug treatments are being developed. I will myself benefit from one such drug that has recently been granted funding for people like me. However not all treatments and therapies are available to everyone through the NHS. There are often strict criteria regarding who qualifies and they are very expensive to pay for privately. I cannot live with myself unless I know that I have exhausted every option and tried every avenue to give me the best possible chance at living with this disease. There will be treatments in the future that I can access but which I will need to pay for. Therefore I need to raise funds now in order to do this further down this journey. I will be undertaking all kinds of fundraising events and ask that you support me in any way you can; by making a donation to my page, helping at an event or undertaking your own sponsored activity or fundraiser for me. I may even join you on your sponsored event as long as it doesn't involve jumping out of a plane or giving up cake! Alongside this ,and as a thank you for your kindness, I will endeavour to do all I can to improve services and access to treatment for all of us, who are 'living whilst we're living with it.'

Thank you for reading
Caroline
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