Bring back the ULTIMATE DENIZEN
Donation protected
Johnny “The Croc” Bonde. The man more Strayan than Straya, but alas as far as Interpol is concerned, he is not, but he could be, but we’ll get to that later. Why should I care? I hear you ask. Here’s why...Sonny, take a seat cause you’re in for treat. The story begins in a bar, as all good stories do. This frantic meth-head looking fellow in a blood stained shirt introduced himself to me out of nowhere, I tried to pretend I didn’t hear him as I figured he was just fishing for his next ice hit. But alas, as it turns out, what I thought were the characteristics of a druggie were just the traits of a friendly Dane, apparently they’re all like that. Every-Single-One.
Originally coming to Australia for a working holiday, Johnny touched down in ‘the outback’ where he worked firstly on a cattle station (more on this later) and then in the famous Birdsville Bakery, where he attained the rank of Master Jedi pie maker. Seriously, he cooked over 10,000 meat pies single handedly for the starving, drunken, pastry eating savages that patronise the Birdsville Races. Johnny was introduced to the classic cement mixer shot in the equally iconic Birdsville pub, where he took the prank in his stride as he drank can after can of the cheapest swill he could afford to dull the memories of ‘the pie factory nightmares’.
Johnny, as it turns out, was one hell of a classic arcade gamer, having scored a Donkey Kong Kill-Screen live in Melbourne’s Bartronica (All whilst leaving the machine unattended so he could take a leak). He really hit cult status though through his performances at Brisbane’s premier arcade bar Netherworld. A video of him playing Ice Cold Beer at the venue hit viral status on the internet and he continued to prove his chops winning several arcade comps. The most notable of which was The Ultimate Denizen tournament held in August of 2017. The title of Netherworld’s Ultimate Denizen saw him immortalised with a portrait hanging proudly on the wall of the bar’s arcade room, and the winning of a huge WWE style championship belt. When visiting the bar, you may even witness people toasting to the Ultimate’s portrait as homage.
But in the blink of an eye he was gone. With the great Dane back in Denmark, there was a great emptiness in the heart of the Netherworld. Many thought that he would not be seen again for a very long time. To their surprise however, on the eve of Netherworld’s first Australian Kong Off, the bar was graced with a familiar face in a familiar blood stained shirt. On a spur-of-the-moment decision the Ultimate Denizen had booked a one way flight back to Australia and continued to make a valiant effort in the Kong Off qualifying 5th and being knocked out in the finals by the eventual champion of the event. While it was fantastic to have the heart and soul of the Netherworld return, all good things must however come to an end. With his working Visa due to expire, the denizens brainstormed ideas to keep him here and make him a citizen. But with nobody quite prepared to tie the knot with the Ultimate, once again the Netherworld felt empty.
This is where you come in young lads and lasses! CAN YOU help us bring back the Ultimate for Netherworld’s Kong Off 2 this November? Johnny needs a return flight down under before Peter Dutton will give him the go ahead to touch down on our fair shores. We are trying to raise money to help him get over here for the week of the competition, so it’s time to put the call out to classic arcade enthusiasts worldwide to do their bit for a great cause! All that money you’re currently donating to an African sponsor child or forest conservation efforts could be better spent on making this year’s Kong Off a truly memorable event.
Want more reasons why this guy needs to come back to Australia? 1. He was bitten by a crocodile and refused hospital treatment as his insurance didn’t cover saurian related injuries. 2. He has a cattle brand (remember the cattle station he worked on?) on his right buttock which had to be done twice - ouch, so he’s technically Australian property and we want it back. 3. He once stapled his tongue with a stapler gun, if he does not get the proper care and supervision he could die from stupidity, leading to… 4. He has jumped off more cliffs and lived to tell the tale than most of us have had hot breakfasts.
So sling us a couple of bucks please and thankyou.
People funding this cause might want to get in touch with Johnny Bonde via various social media platforms to express their well wishes.
Originally coming to Australia for a working holiday, Johnny touched down in ‘the outback’ where he worked firstly on a cattle station (more on this later) and then in the famous Birdsville Bakery, where he attained the rank of Master Jedi pie maker. Seriously, he cooked over 10,000 meat pies single handedly for the starving, drunken, pastry eating savages that patronise the Birdsville Races. Johnny was introduced to the classic cement mixer shot in the equally iconic Birdsville pub, where he took the prank in his stride as he drank can after can of the cheapest swill he could afford to dull the memories of ‘the pie factory nightmares’.
Johnny, as it turns out, was one hell of a classic arcade gamer, having scored a Donkey Kong Kill-Screen live in Melbourne’s Bartronica (All whilst leaving the machine unattended so he could take a leak). He really hit cult status though through his performances at Brisbane’s premier arcade bar Netherworld. A video of him playing Ice Cold Beer at the venue hit viral status on the internet and he continued to prove his chops winning several arcade comps. The most notable of which was The Ultimate Denizen tournament held in August of 2017. The title of Netherworld’s Ultimate Denizen saw him immortalised with a portrait hanging proudly on the wall of the bar’s arcade room, and the winning of a huge WWE style championship belt. When visiting the bar, you may even witness people toasting to the Ultimate’s portrait as homage.
But in the blink of an eye he was gone. With the great Dane back in Denmark, there was a great emptiness in the heart of the Netherworld. Many thought that he would not be seen again for a very long time. To their surprise however, on the eve of Netherworld’s first Australian Kong Off, the bar was graced with a familiar face in a familiar blood stained shirt. On a spur-of-the-moment decision the Ultimate Denizen had booked a one way flight back to Australia and continued to make a valiant effort in the Kong Off qualifying 5th and being knocked out in the finals by the eventual champion of the event. While it was fantastic to have the heart and soul of the Netherworld return, all good things must however come to an end. With his working Visa due to expire, the denizens brainstormed ideas to keep him here and make him a citizen. But with nobody quite prepared to tie the knot with the Ultimate, once again the Netherworld felt empty.
This is where you come in young lads and lasses! CAN YOU help us bring back the Ultimate for Netherworld’s Kong Off 2 this November? Johnny needs a return flight down under before Peter Dutton will give him the go ahead to touch down on our fair shores. We are trying to raise money to help him get over here for the week of the competition, so it’s time to put the call out to classic arcade enthusiasts worldwide to do their bit for a great cause! All that money you’re currently donating to an African sponsor child or forest conservation efforts could be better spent on making this year’s Kong Off a truly memorable event.
Want more reasons why this guy needs to come back to Australia? 1. He was bitten by a crocodile and refused hospital treatment as his insurance didn’t cover saurian related injuries. 2. He has a cattle brand (remember the cattle station he worked on?) on his right buttock which had to be done twice - ouch, so he’s technically Australian property and we want it back. 3. He once stapled his tongue with a stapler gun, if he does not get the proper care and supervision he could die from stupidity, leading to… 4. He has jumped off more cliffs and lived to tell the tale than most of us have had hot breakfasts.
So sling us a couple of bucks please and thankyou.
People funding this cause might want to get in touch with Johnny Bonde via various social media platforms to express their well wishes.
Organizer
Mick Molloy
Organizer
Petrie Terrace QLD
