Bobby B surgery related expenses

$2,003 of $1,800 goal

Raised by 43 people in 3 months
To be honest, I am really nervous and scared about my upcoming brain surgery.  I will be having brain surgery to remove the cyst in my brain which is clotting the fluids in my brain on Thursday June 21 at Yale New Haven Hospital. I will be going down to the hospital later today (6/8) for more tests and a MRI, and I have more follow up appointments for tests and meetings before the surgery at the hospital. 

I was supposed to originally have the surgery last December but it got postponed because of a scheduling conflict. I found out that morning. My neurosurgeon wanted me to meet with the neurologist to get his feedback which I did, and while my  neurologist wanted me to have surgery, by that time I wanted to return to school and I feel better since they gave me medicine which reduces the amount of fluids in my brain and reduces the pressure and the clotting and helps with the pain and symptoms. I was really hopeful that the medicine was going to help me for another year so that I can have the surgery later this year in December so that I can have money saved up from school and be in a good financial footing too. However I had a meeting with the neurosurgeon last week and I told him about the symptoms I was still experiencing and feeling defeated I told him I think I should maybe have the surgery sooner. He told me that the first week of July was when I would have the surgery, but that was a tentative date. I got a call yesterday from the hospital and was told by the appointment desk that my surgery will be on June 21 which is 12 days from today.

I don't want to be going through this. I want to be normal and happy and healthy. I want a normal brain where the cyst isn't killing me. I want to be able to  do things like open up bottles and jars and other things on my own without always asking for help. There is nothing more embarrassing then to ask my friends at school to help me open up my bottle water because I can't. I really hate my life. I hate how two years ago I had a stroke (TIA) which wasn't because of the blood clot but because  of the clot from the cyst and how disruptive it was to the school and my class. I hate being a burden on others. I hate having to deal with the fact that there is a 10% chance that the surgery will kill me, a 5% chance that I will end up in a vegetative state, and a 5% chance I will end up paralyzed for life and I have to spend the next 12 days planning my own funeral and writing up instructions for my best friends in case I don't make it. I hate having to ask Father John about a burial plot at St. Patricks cemetery, and figuring out how to pay for my own funeral at St. Patricks church. I hate the fact that there is this cyst in my brain which is slowly killing me. I don't know what I did so bad to deserve all the terrible things in my life. I grew up without a family. I had five foster homes and two group homes. I went to seven elementary schools, two middle schools, and two high schools. I never had much growing up. I went to bed hungry at night. People bullied me relentlessly to the point where I wanted to die. I was told by my own teachers that college wasn't for me and I shouldn't bother having dreams. And now my own brain is trying to kill me again.

On top of all of this, I have to worry about another thing and that is how to avoid losing the home that I have and the car that I have. I don't want to be homeless after the surgery. I don't want to be evicted. I don't want to lose my car because if I lose my car I will be unable to go to school in August or help out other people. I wish I had the luxury of not having to worry about things like this, and I hate myself so much right now for having to even ask for financial help from my friends and from those who care about me. This is not easy, and I do not want to be doing this. But with the surgery being so unexpectedly soon, my summer plans completely upended, and the fact that after the surgery I will be in the hospital for several weeks for they have to remove the back of my skull and the back part of my brain to get to the cyst to drain it and possibly put a sunt in it (they will put my brain back in after they are done with the cyst) I will be unable to do much of anything. I will be sleeping almost the entire time the first two weeks. I will be fed through a tube and go to the bathroom through a tube. I will look really terrible and be unable to move much. I may forget everything and everyone I know. That is the worst possible outcome but I wrote down everything about everyone I know (those who know me well can attest to how obsessed I am with in keeping records of everything and everyone because I fear one day I will have to relearn who I am and what I am). I don't think I will be able to do much until mid August. Just staying alive will be difficult enough.

After I am done I will go to my landlord and hand her three checks for rent for the next three months. I don't want to be evicted and homeless because the cyst in my head is trying to kill me. Then I have to drive down to the hospital and sit in a MRI for a hour and get stuff injected in me and do whatever else they want me to do. I don't like it. I want to focus on my work and I wanted to take the bar exam this July so I can help people and make the world better. I don't like how I have to postpone the bar exam until February. But I don't have a choice in this.

I've been through so much of a emotional rollercoaster and I am struggling and I could really appreciate any help to help make my life a little easier so I can focus on staying alive without having to worry so much about the financial implications. Even through I will have roughly $6,000 in expenses through the summer total, I do have so money saved up and some money coming in and I can figure out the rest but I do need help with 20%.  If you can't or don't want to help me I understand. I still would like your thoughts and prayers and visitors in the hospital after the surgery probably staring Saturday June 23. I hate that this is happening and I really really hate myself for having to ask for help. I am deeply sorry for having to ask for help. I don't like being in this position. One day everything will be better if I get to survive the surgery and I will be self sufficient and everything will be better. Tomorrow I get to help volunteer at the WJMJ radioton from 6am-10am and I have been helping out lots of various community groups and the various campaigns now through until my surgery in 12 days. I hate being a burden on people and a burden on society and I really want to give back and only give back. I am not really good at asking for help and I am really sorry I am having a really bad day and if I'm doing a bad job. I really want to be a good friend for all.
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Thank you to everyone who has helped me! Because of your help I am already at 25% of my goal!!! I am deeply appreciative of all the help and support from everyone. Thank you so much!
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$2,003 of $1,800 goal

Raised by 43 people in 3 months
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$100
Doug Hardy
1 month ago
$100
Anonymous
2 months ago
$5
Anonymous
2 months ago
$25
Anonymous
2 months ago
AA
$100
Aram Ayalon
2 months ago
$50
Anonymous
2 months ago
$25
Anonymous
2 months ago
JN
$25
Jason Novak
2 months ago
CD
$25
Christopher Duff
2 months ago
MG
$100
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2 months ago
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