Benefit for Mackenzie Rockcastle

$14,049 of $20,000 goal

Raised by 159 people in 10 months
Created September 10, 2018
Team Kenz
on behalf of Mackenzie Rockcastle
Our dear friend and love Mackenzie Rockcastle was diagnosed with Stage 4 Metastasized Breast Cancer two years ago and she needs our help! Mackenzie is currently participating in a new clinical trial that requires her to travel back and forth from Boston each week. As she journeys on this path of impossibility, let's show her our love and support and come together for a night of music, dancing, and friendship! All proceeds will support Mackenzie as she undergoes this new treatment.

Hollerhorn Distilling
Saturday, November 24th  4pm - 12am 

Tickets $25
- Live music, lineup TBA
- Silent Auction with amazing local goodies (If you'd like to donate a service or item to the silent auction, please contact Emily Rockcastle at emily.rockcastle@gmail.com)

To get your ticket in advance, make a donation of $25 or more to the Benefit for Mackenzie's GoFundMe. If you are unable to attend but would still like to help out, please consider making a donation to our GoFundMe or donating an service or item to the silent auction. Tickets will also be available at the door.
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I stood on stage this Saturday and had to take a moment. I stood there in front of so many of you. I was in awe of our community, our home and all of us who who had come together. There was an unspoken honesty that filled the room, the acknowledgement of the pain of this journey but a willingness to see the healing in our hearts as we were, together. I’ve been trying to find the words to give appropriate thanks and gratitude to what went down and it feels nearly impossible.

You have all made this happen. Every one of you who have read this, feel this, who have contributed, who are a part of her story, my story, this. $20,000!!!!!!!!!!!!!!that is now placed into the pockets of this beauty beside me for travel and treatment for what has been a long road but for what we hope that can continue at the very least.Thank you is just not enough for what I feel for all of you.
@mrs_rockcastle has set the bar for this life we all live in. I’ve said that. I’ll say it again. She allows the face of death to be of grace, beauty, patience and for what we all seek... understanding and acceptance. Don’t read that as her giving up for even a moment.
She tells us to share our stories but to show up each day in all those moments that you can. It doesn’t mean things look pretty at all times but there is always a little wiggle room to make it ok. Beautiful.
My love for all of you runs deep. And this girl..way too deep. It brings me relief to know you and I are holding up our end.
Because we all know... she always will be. @nicksmarto
donations continue as does she! You can be a part of this community. It feels good.
#hollerhorndistilling #kenzefit #metastasizedbreastcancer #stagefour #pooponyou #conscious #livinglifeawake #shareyourstory #illholdyoutoit #findyourwayhome #heal #lookatwhatwearecapableof
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How is our Kenz you ask?

I can’t tell you how often people ask me how Mackenzie is. I never really know how to answer the question. I’m an honest speaker but I don’t want to scare people away. There are always two sides to the story. Physically?...shit. Emotionally? on top of her shit. But, the response that comes from those that ask is almost always the same, but she looks so good!

And isn’t that the truth? Our insides show differently from what is seen on the outside. How we show up is that one thing we can control. I guess, one thing we can ultimately say we absolutely have choice in.

Kenz & I went for a four plus mile run the other day, surprise surprise, and on that run we dug into the current state of her health, how she really feels. From the inside. I find myself trying to put into words the meaning of her most current scans and I simply can’t. I will have to leave that to Mackenzie since it is an unsolved puzzle of results with discrepancies among them that are waiting to be explained. I know, vague, but I feel that the patient and powerful stance she takes will help her in the long run.

Kenz is the good that we see on the outside so please do rest easy knowing all is well right now. She still asks me what I need when she is out at the grocery store, she makes her way over to her sick mama and takes care & she gives her time and shows up fully when asked to enjoy a couples dinner on the weekend. This tells me Kenz is ok. If she can still serve and show up, she still holds her power.

I know it is her biggest fear to lose her independence, to feel helpless. This fear presents itself because the current chemo cocktail in this clinical trial is the most potent and powerful mix of medicine she has had to take on. The laundry line of all the different medications, injections, treatments, you name it that Kenz has experienced and now they have led her to the ultimate devil that could be ironically a saving grace for her. We hope that this can be a way to buy more time even if Mackenzie has to learn how to cope with what the symptoms bring into her day to day life. She has a solid diet of saltines with her violent case of the voms. Good thing healing goes beyond the physical.

There is an uncertainty of what this all brings. There is a realization for Mackenzie that she will live a life of sickness. But that choice I spoke to, remember? I know it too well for my own life and I have been led by my best example to show up for it… her. Mackenzie shows up on the outside good because she does the work on the inside no matter what presents itself each day.

Kenz you are my lesson each day in this life we lead. I promise to show up each day for myself, my family, and so I can show up for you. I will work from the inside out. We are taking this thing in stride and we know we can move mountains. The placebo effect.
Realize we are now in the month of Kenzie’s benefit event and we want you all to be a part of it! It is coming up quick. Any donation small or large can be made on this go fund me page!!! $25 earns you a ticket to come see music & take part in a silent auction. Let us know if you even have an auction item you would want to donate.
All of the proceeds of this evening will provide Mackenzie with anything she needs to warm up those insides and show up on the outside. This all goes down at the new Holller Horn Distillery on Saturday November 24th. Join in with us. We are learning that it takes a village. Much love & endless thanks.
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The Future. Oh the future is such an interesting concept. Unpredictable but precise. "preparing" for it makes no real sense but we can't help but try. I spend most of time working on being present, but every day thoughts of the future sink in. Longings lurk in every corner. I long to curl up and get cozy with stability. To move through my days with some consistency. Foreign feelings of stability linger beside me in the early mornings before uncertainty rousts me from my slumber. I crave the concept of getting lost in a rhythm of joy and simplicity. To fall into some warped time zone where hours drift gently into a pleasant past.
I cried this morning. I was long overdue for a cry. I was thinking about Logan swinging with my sweet little niece last night. How cute he is as Uncle LoLo. And it strikes every god damn chord in my heart. And before i knew it I was googling "coping with being terminal and not having children," something I have googled many times, gone to therapy over, and have gone through various stages of acceptance. But sometimes, like this morning, I can't help but think, fuck we'd have such a warm family. Such a cute baby. Such a nice life. IF...
and I can't seem to shake my 'if'. and I think about that 'if' every day. And I try to slide under it. To the side of it. Climb over top of it. But it is always there. IF. IF the results are good. IF the results are bad. IF I'm still alive. IF they find a cure. IF I can find my own cure. IF I think positively enough. IF I take care of myself enough. Maybe then someday...
We all have an IF. IF we had more money. IF we had more time. IF this didn't happen. IF only this would happen. I settle with the IF. I unsettle with the IF.
And sometimes the 'if' becomes so unbearable I long to run into the woods. To be unseen. To remove myself from this story. To become uninteresting and even boring. To find no use for words. To feel that nothing more needs to said, because everything is understood.
Yet here I am. Trying to find words to make sense of things that can never be understood. Concepts and questions that have no answers. They can only be felt. Digested. But i can't help but try to confine them to an image, an analogy, to a page, to a word. To remove the isolation that these feelings bring. But i can't. they simply exist in a feeling. one so complex that it encapsulates almost every feeling i know. Its dangerous, and impractical, and hopeful, and loving. It's dripping with anxiety, and makes my blood boil with excitement. Its fear and its fury. It's jealousy and inspiration. Its solitude and wildness... It's survival.

Tomorrow I have my first scans since starting this new treatment. Despite my desire for calm and silence, despite my ins and outs with sadness and longings, I feel a true sense of well being and hope. & I know I'll find peace in such an elusive future and learn to leave my ifs in the past.
I normally wouldn't be so open with my true vulnerabilities, but you are all so willing to listen. Thank you for reading my ramblings and making sense with me of these things that still don't make sense. Thank you for holding me close. Sending love and joy to you all. Now lets all think about clean scans!
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It’s good to see Kenz around a bit more now that she has made it through the first six consecutive weeks of her clinical trial at Dana Farber in Boston. Two treatments down and many more to go but freedom at last it seems as she is now settling into the rhythm of her new routine. Life takes her to Boston now once every three weeks for a couple of days to receive treatment. She has switched out the long haul road trips for flying which helps her to claim back more time. That is all in thanks to you!
Take a peak at this eye opening image I made Kenz send my way. This is one flight!!! And yes... I did say this would be happening 1x every 3 weeks from now until as far as we know. Myself and sweet Elizabeth Koch received this text from her last night...
Sweet words but not something I’m willing to feel responsible for. It is all of you we have to thank. All of you showing up to support us in this crazy ride of life. You are helping Kenzie take one step forward at a time. We are simply trying to give a voice to it all and you are a part in her story. We are seeing all the beauty that shines through when we work together and ask for help where it is so damn well deserved and needed.
I am always uncomfortable knowing Kenzie will always have obstacles on any given day, unsettling really. She faces statistics that tell her she should already be a ghost walking alongside us. She maneuvers through her daily life feeling unwell. I know when my own health is threatened, it is an immediate challenge to stay optimistic and show up fully. I normally do my best but find relief that it passes and new day begins. Kenz does not know that luxury. I have found reassurance that her attitude will do what is possible to save her. It is the financial burden that hides behind cancer that I can’t sit with and feel ok.

Those flights and bills that you have already paid are heavy weights you are taking off kenzie’s shoulders. And that is actual relief we can bring to her. I will say it again... there is no place she would rather be than home. You are making it a reality for as much of it that is possible. I love you, she loves you, we love you. Thank you ❤️
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$14,049 of $20,000 goal

Raised by 159 people in 10 months
Created September 10, 2018
Team Kenz
on behalf of Mackenzie Rockcastle
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