To Infinity and Beyond!
Hi!
My name is Isabella!
I am a 24 year old student studying Cinematic Art in my last year at UMBC. My college journey has been a struggle. It took me a much longer time to get through college.
The past year has been the hardest because I came to terms and sought treatment for having Gender Dysphoria.
Gender Dysphoria means that my gender identity and assigned sex at birth doesn't match up. I feel that I was born in the wrong body and have sought treatment through Hormone Replacement Therapy (hrt) to make my body align with how I feel inside.
While hormones are a big part of my transition, I also pay for laser hair removal to get rid of my beard and plan to have Sex Reassignment Surgery (SRS).
SRS is the biggest and most expensive part of my transition. It will help me feel much more comfortable in my own skin. It will help to ease my dysphoria and make me feel complete.
Being raised in a Religious Jewish family in a really religious community has been very hard. I wasn't exposed to things like Gender Dysphoria as a kid. It wasn't until I left my house for college that I was able to broaden my mind.
My family has not been supportive of me and all my expenses for must come from my own pocket.
Being a full time student while transitioning is a very expensive position to be in. It would mean the world to me for any and all assistance.
Every little bit helps! Someday, I hope to be able to pay forward the kindness that those who have shown me.
Thank you for your consideration!
- Isabella
#gfmscholarship
Long version below:
How I Went From a Religious Republican Jew To Become Someone New
Once you look past all of how you have been socialized by society, whether you’re black or white, female or male. You can really get down to what you are. Human.
Growing up religious isn’t as easy at it seems. Sure you have a very structured way of life, but it doesn’t leave that much wiggle room. You grow up thinking that you have to live life this way and feel guilty if something keeps nagging at you and you’re just not educated enough to know what that nagging sensation is. All the while feeling miserable, but not knowing why.
You go through life thinking that some day you'll just "get it" and everything will fall into place. What you don't realize is that you could never have been more wrong.
It takes arguements with friends, being in really low places to realize why you've been so miserable. You're pretending to be someone you're not and you're jealous of others who were pretending but had the courage to change who they were in order to become who they should be.
My name is Bella.
I am a college student studying cinematic art with aspirations to one day work in Hollywood with film production. I want to dedicate my life to touching people’s lives through my art, and making them laugh.
Unfortunately, this has been really difficult for me lately. I have what is called Gender Dysphoria. While I was physically born a male, I have always internally been a woman.
It is very hard to live uncomfortably in your own body; to cope with the burden of a body that does not match your soul and your true identity. It is especially difficult coming from a very religious background/family that typically denies the rights and liberties of people like me. In order to feel comfortable and capable as my true self, there are two things I need to do:
- By going through Hormone Replacement Therapy (also known as HRT), I will be able to live a happy and healthy life in a body that fits me.
- By getting laser hair removal on my beard areas, it will help me look and feel more feminine.
Both of these are very expensive and insurance only covers some of it. I set up this gofundme as a way to raise the funds that I cannot fully acquire myself or from my family.
Whatever anyone gives, I will be incredibly grateful. Really, words cannot describe how grateful I am for any and all donations. Some day, I hope I can help people in need as I am right now, and continue to make them laugh and smile despite their hardships.
(Longer version of my story)
Growing up religious isn’t as easy at it seems. Sure you have a very structured way of life, but it doesn’t leave that much wiggle room. You grow up thinking that you have to live life this way and feel guilty if something keeps nagging at you and you’re just not educated enough to know what that nagging sensation is. All the while feeling miserable, but not knowing why.
You go to a Yeshiva and hope to become more religious because it is the thing to do and hopefully those nagging thoughts will go away.
When you’re in a Jewish seminary (Yeshiva), trying very hard to keep up with everyone, thinking that eventually everything will just make sense. You’ll become more religious, you’ll come back for a second or third year, you’ll come back home, get married, go to college, have kids, and the cycle continues. But something happens to which you did not anticipate and you fall through the cracks.
It could be that the Rabbis never gave you the time of day. Perhaps you didn’t find that right niche. Or maybe, it’s because you were miserable on a level you were not yet ready to comprehend.
Now imagine your typical out of town introvert and all you wanted was to fit in, have friends, grow as a human, and matter. Inevitably, you feel like you don’t belong, and fall through the cracks onto a path of depression and cynicism. Not by intent, but just how it all played out.
You come back home after a year of studying abroad from Yeshiva.
Something happens. You begin to feel something that you never expected in a million years to feel. Something you were conditioned by the society that you group up in to believe it as an abnormality. Because of this, you didn’t know much about it. So you speak to your family hoping that they can help you. They talk you out of it for the time being and you go on about living life, going through the motions. Wondering things like what will you major in while in college, when will that perfect girl reveal herself to you. And you just keep waiting. And waiting. And waiting. Hoping that any day now, she’ll reveal herself to you.
While all of this is going on, you’re getting older, friends are married and having kids, and moving on into their next stage of life while you’re still stuck in the past.
You then try to expand you social network, so you move out to a college campus where some friends that are more your speed attend. And you hang out, you socialize, you grow as a human. You get interested in politics and grow more and more into them. You eventually become a political buff who tended to lean more Republican on many matters. One matter in particular was regarding people who are transgender and suffer from something called “Gender Dysphoria”.
Until this point in life, you thought those people were crazy. How can someone born one gender believe that they were supposed to be another gender? It just didn’t make any sense. Politically, religiously, morally.
You write this off as a big pile of crazy and you make your stance on it very adamant.
Eventually, you find yourself getting into a fight with some of your friends over the matter. One of your friends comes up to you and while you guys don’t agree on politics, you respect each other and how you both conclude your ideas.
This individual expresses very politely how he feels that your views are skewed and that you should really reconsider. You respond saying that these are your views and they will never change. He says ok, and you both go your own separate ways for Thanksgiving Break.
While on break, you start internalizing what he said. Why were you so adamant to be against people who are transgender? What was your problem? How did they effect you? Perhaps you were jealous?
And then it hits you like a freight train!
Just as you think your life script has been written. Picture, if you will, your entire view of the world 180’ing in a moment, just by acknowledging that you are unhappy and finally realizing why that is.
This whole time, you have felt a nagging sensation but could never explain it. You could never figure out why you never fit in for anything. Why your friends got married and got jobs and started their families as if it all made sense to them. Everything society expected of your gender was not how you felt. And that was the nagging sensation. You realize that you are transgender.
You realize that you have always wanted to be a woman and that you put on a harsh exterior to cover it up. You did this because you grew up in a religious family. You grew up in a religious town. How could anyone possibly understand what you are going through? They would think you are out of your mind just like you thought others were.
You begin to reach out, and network with people just like you. You start going to a therapist to get to the bottom of all of this.
This is the real you, and you acknowledge that you must do something about it in order to be happy.
You look to the unthinkable. You want to transition into the gender that you identify as.
Only one problem, and this is the problem most people face. You can’t afford it.
You can’t afford it, and your family doesn’t accept it nor will they support it.
You feel stuck. You want to be the person who you know that you are, but everyone you know and love thinks you’re crazy, you’re in a phase, it’s because your single, and every other possible excuse to not support it.
You reach out to people who might understand it and help. You hope and pray to G-d that enough people know what it’s like to be in a situation similar to yours and that they want to help you through it and they try their best to help.
Something you never ever thought you’d be doing, and yet, here you are. Doing.
#gfmscholarship
