A Backpack & Sword

My name is Neil Ripski, I am a martial arts instructor and for the past three decades I have struggled against depression. Martial arts training has been the one solace I have had through every difficult time in my life. From street life as a teen after being thrown out by my parents to dealing with the reality of not being able to eat everyday when I finally did get to share an apartment, martial arts has always been the one thing that never broke my heart or pushed me out into the cold and, in fact, has brought me joy, friends, and family. But, I find myself once again struggling after my marriage has come apart at the seams and I am once again trying to rebuild my life and self esteem.

I realized this past summer as my wife and I parted ways and my struggle began to steer down dangerous roads that something inside of me was not ready to give up. No matter how much pain I felt, something inside me did not want it to be over. Now I want to do something for myself to become whole again, to find myself and believe once again that the work I do helping and teaching others is not just for of those I care for but for myself as well. I never want to fall into that dark place again and this trip literally means a second chance at life for me.

A Backpack & Sword is about me following my heart and working towards a year long backpacking trip through Asia to study at monasteries in Nepal, visit Masters on their own turf and study with them, learn from them, and heal my heart in the snows of the Himalayas and walk my way into loving myself once more.

So, that's it. I am striving to make my boyhood dreams come true and to become strong enough inside to keep giving back to others without giving myself away. A friend of mine told me "It never hurts to ask," and so here I am, asking you for your help and generosity. One way or another, I will embark on this journey of self healing. All money raised will go to travel and living expenses, and gear for the trip which I have scheduled to begin in October of 2016. I am planning to head to Nepal, trek the Himalayas, and stay for a time at the world's highest monastery - Rongbuk - and then move on wherever my practice and my heart take me.

I will be blogging my way through the entire journey for you to see and hear my thoughts as I train, study, share, grow, learn, teach and reflect on what it means to be alive and living your passion. It is my earnest hope that my journey can also help others find their strength even when faced with the darkest of depressions. I would love to be helpful to anyone who has seen the same kind of darkness and feelings of hopelessness I have seen. Maybe they can heal along with me.

Thank you so much for reading this, the hardest thing I have ever had to write, because I am not one to ask for help nor am I one who imposes his problems on others. But I need to heal and I do want to be of service and help others heal with me. It feels right that the first step is to reach out no matter how difficult it can be for me. I appreciate any help you can offer.