I Really Need to Move
Donation protected
Hi, I'm Allan, otherwise known as Roarey Raccoon on the internet. I'm one of those weird furry people and I draw cartoons. In day-to-day life I look after my disabled mother, despite having disabilities myself. I've had chronic depression for upwards of 20 years, along with crippling anxiety disorder for nearly a decade. I'm not sure exactly what kicked off my depression and anxiety, I don't think there is a specific moment in time or event that buggered my head up so much, but rather an accumulated effect from going through an awful lot of trauma over the years. I've lived through abusive circumstances, insane domestic conflicts, violence and a host of other things besides.
About 6 years ago, my mother attempted suicide (which I prevented) and promptly had a nervous breakdown afterwards. We had just moved to a new house, along with my brother and partner, so when my mother lost it I was left to deal with the fallout, as the eldest. I had a crash course in setting up and maintaining a house, with no idea what I was doing. The experiences I had at that house, seeing my mother change into a different person basically overnight, watching her around the clock, have left quite a scar on me. I was already a troubled person before it happened but that episode sent me over the edge. My mother still needs me to cook for her and manage her finances, and keep her company. I don't know if she'll ever regain many of the qualities that she used to have, but it basically isn't easy to see her so defeated by life.
I've struggled myself a lot, over the years, trying to stand strong in the face of every insanity that life threw at me, but right now I'm in a bind. One of the few things that has kept me going for so long is my long-term relationship with my partner. We were together for 11 years and I imagined I'd grow old with him, I never wanted anything else really. Due to how ill I am, and how it limits what I'm capable of and prevents me from finding full-time employment, a strain was exerting itself on our relationship. After 11 years, that relationship is now pretty much over, so I've lost one of the few things that anchored me to the world. I'm currently living with him and two housemates, and I'm pretty much left to myself all the time. We don't really share interests and my depression makes people uncomfortable, so people avoid me at home. It's a very lonely and miserable environment, so I have to get out of here for the sake of my sanity.
Back when I was younger and working a lot of awful jobs in the catering industry, I took up a hobby of drawing cartoons to help ease my mind. Over the past 10-11 years I've worked enough at it to make a little money when I get desperate. I still live on very little money, because I'm too ill to draw full-time, so I've relied on my partner to pay the rent for the past few years. Now that we've split up, drawing is all I have, but I'm at such a low point I can't find the energy to dig myself out of the hole I'm in.
I'm reluctant to make something like this, because it makes me feel like a sponger, but hey, I'm desperate! I'll be moving to a new place with my mother, so we can support each other and I can look after her more effectively, plus it's the only way I can currently afford to live. The problem is finding the money to make the move in the first place, since deposits and other expenses are rather hefty. We can afford to live beyond that, paying rent and bills, but making the move requires a larger cash injection, which we just don't have. I want to move to a new place and get started on a new life, everything I thought my life would be has just gone up in smoke, so I need to really work for my future. I want to go to therapy, get more exercise and work on my mental and physical health. I want to improve at drawing and devote more time to it. Right now, what I need is a roof over my head, a chance to take a breath and put my life back together. If you can spare anything, I'd be eternally grateful.
Thank you for reading, I really appreciate it.
About 6 years ago, my mother attempted suicide (which I prevented) and promptly had a nervous breakdown afterwards. We had just moved to a new house, along with my brother and partner, so when my mother lost it I was left to deal with the fallout, as the eldest. I had a crash course in setting up and maintaining a house, with no idea what I was doing. The experiences I had at that house, seeing my mother change into a different person basically overnight, watching her around the clock, have left quite a scar on me. I was already a troubled person before it happened but that episode sent me over the edge. My mother still needs me to cook for her and manage her finances, and keep her company. I don't know if she'll ever regain many of the qualities that she used to have, but it basically isn't easy to see her so defeated by life.
I've struggled myself a lot, over the years, trying to stand strong in the face of every insanity that life threw at me, but right now I'm in a bind. One of the few things that has kept me going for so long is my long-term relationship with my partner. We were together for 11 years and I imagined I'd grow old with him, I never wanted anything else really. Due to how ill I am, and how it limits what I'm capable of and prevents me from finding full-time employment, a strain was exerting itself on our relationship. After 11 years, that relationship is now pretty much over, so I've lost one of the few things that anchored me to the world. I'm currently living with him and two housemates, and I'm pretty much left to myself all the time. We don't really share interests and my depression makes people uncomfortable, so people avoid me at home. It's a very lonely and miserable environment, so I have to get out of here for the sake of my sanity.
Back when I was younger and working a lot of awful jobs in the catering industry, I took up a hobby of drawing cartoons to help ease my mind. Over the past 10-11 years I've worked enough at it to make a little money when I get desperate. I still live on very little money, because I'm too ill to draw full-time, so I've relied on my partner to pay the rent for the past few years. Now that we've split up, drawing is all I have, but I'm at such a low point I can't find the energy to dig myself out of the hole I'm in.
I'm reluctant to make something like this, because it makes me feel like a sponger, but hey, I'm desperate! I'll be moving to a new place with my mother, so we can support each other and I can look after her more effectively, plus it's the only way I can currently afford to live. The problem is finding the money to make the move in the first place, since deposits and other expenses are rather hefty. We can afford to live beyond that, paying rent and bills, but making the move requires a larger cash injection, which we just don't have. I want to move to a new place and get started on a new life, everything I thought my life would be has just gone up in smoke, so I need to really work for my future. I want to go to therapy, get more exercise and work on my mental and physical health. I want to improve at drawing and devote more time to it. Right now, what I need is a roof over my head, a chance to take a breath and put my life back together. If you can spare anything, I'd be eternally grateful.
Thank you for reading, I really appreciate it.
Organizer
Allan Fildes
Organizer