Xpat Alien Hibernation Restoration
Greeting all Terrans, visiting dignitaries, passing vessels, and incognito observers!
XPAT ALIEN's Crop Circle Cantina is on its return course after a long tour of the galactic rim. We set our course for our traditional rendezvous site in the barren beige dust.
As we began to wake from our stasis pods, klaxons alerted us that the Xpat Aliens vessel was in jeopardy. We are dangerously low in the rarified elements that keep our missions fueled. The holding tanks for the essential compounds for our mind bending concoctions are as dry as a bantha rider's tongue.
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We are humbly requesting funding for transport fuel and the supplies to make all the tasty drinks that we want to give to you, and/or others on your behalf, at Burning Man 2016. Any donations that exceed our goal will be turned around for our greater community's benefit.
Our biggest issue is that we are dangerously over loaded. Our years of travels have meant that we have collected a mighty array of widgets and wonderments from around the universe, overloading our cargo holds
with spoils. Even the cushions of our crash couches are uncomfortably lumpy with bits and baubles. We need to disperse all these excesses.
Please help us by letting us send these fascinating objects to you!
TRIFFID TRIFLE - $5
(aka postcards from the dredge)
Missives from the great beyond. Encoded documents transmitted directly to you from our Black Rock City landing site. They are detailed plans for a secret world killing base, if you can understand them. All donors will recieve this message. Good luck with yours!
STARBASE - $15
We have collected a staggering variety of interesting and sometimes silly things and filled a pouch with them. These may contain adhesive designation markers; easy to apply. Show your affiliation or maybe highlight your containment system.
LATINUM BAR - $25
Somewhere in the Taterian Nebula, beings slave away in an ethanol tainted state, wearing their tentacles down to the nubs to craft a myriad of small distinctive disks. No one is sure what the exact reasons for why they produce these lovely items. Perhaps they are used for interstellar data storage or are merely space station relief facility tokens. We find that they are perfect for personal adornments.
NOVA RIDER - $45
Need to protect your thought generator from the Anduriean Mind Slurpers? These comfy slip covers for your cranium will discourage any unwanted medulla snacking.
JEWEL OF VINO - $50
One of a kind, exquisite foible. Masterfully created by hand in the great furnaces of IO by the impossible hands of alien genius, CJ. Rumored to have once been the center setting in the Scepter of Ganymede and used as to defend against anal probes, it can now be found lodged in the mouth of a simple container of pinot. Oddly enough, the object seems to be most useful in the current capacity.
BOARDING PASSES - $75
We have located a pair of boarding passes to see a terran specialty - Improvisational comedy at The Voodoo Playhouse in Denver, Colorado.
JEDI ACADEMY - $100
Need to alter the primitive digital recordings of your flyby? Need to prove to your superiors that it wasn’t you influencing world leaders? Look no further, we have a master of current photoshopping technology ready to instruct you in the finer points. One of our own crew will spend 1/24th of a solar day teaching you the tricks you need to protect your cover story.
Are you positive that the mother ship is coming? Not sure of how you should greet them? We will conduct a training session in the audio aspect and tonal rhythms sufficient for a landing party performance at the tower near the famed black hills. Basic lesson in the operation of the 88 keyed cable and hammer instrument native to Earth.
(If you Select this option, one of our underlings will contact you for specifics about your choice)
We, the Xpat Alien crew hope that you will be able to join us at the designated coordinates - 7:30 and Amo, Black Rock City on stardates August 29th thru Sept 2nd 2016 every afternoon for our layover and let us share with you our finely honed concoctions, the audio pulses of a thousand worlds, and the energized barrage of celestial movements.