Please help me cope with double tragedy (Triple)
Donation protected
After 20 years of looking after my wife as her primary carer she lost her battle and died on the 20th November and 7 days later I was diagnosed with Bowel Cancer.
Her and our story is here.
https://imgur.com/a/JSggx0v
http://deviantedge.org/
I started to create this on the 20th but could not cope, I just got home from the hospital, I was in from the 3rd to the 13th they did a right hemicolectomy, keyhole surgery did not work so it became a 6 hour operation and I have a 29cm wound from above my belly button to my navel.
Unfortunately I had to come off the primary painkillers for the operation Oxycodene because it gave me huge flashbacks and visions primarily to do with re-watching over and over again my wife die.
At the end of this month I will find out how much chemotherapy I need and how face if at all the cancer spread, I am facing this alone now and I do not believe that I have even started to mourn properly yet.
As the laptop goal has been reached and I am so thank full for that, I hope people are okay me increasing the goal amount because once the treatment is over what I probably need more than anything else is a break, a short holiday, somewhere away and help buying more audio books, the newest update will explain more.
Thank you to anyone who donates.
I would write more I am just so tired at the moment please share this.
Update, many things happened after Paola died and the major problems are just now hitting.
Money is really tight, see when Paola was alive and I was her Primary full time carer we had roughly £1500 coming in a month (that may seem a lot but when you factor in that is everything including disability) it just about covered things, the moment Paola died the income to the house dropped to £560 and because my cancer kicked in, food and heating was still high costs, I am just about covering primary bills.
My reactive depression is really hitting me hard at the moment that is above and beyond normal bereavement add on Bowel cancer and all the other issues and well the only thing keeping me sane and distracted is audio books or games and I am burning through them both like there is no tomorrow. Which according to my depression there may not be a tomorrow.
Results came back chemotherapy was not to be needed cancer hadn't spread from the tumour past the bowels, not to liver or to lymph system, great news and then they noticed a nodule in my lungs had grown between December and January (CT scans pre and post op) there is a reasonable chance my cancer jumped the lymph and liver going straight to lungs. I am going for a PET CT scan in the next week to 10 days.
Going on holiday will be an issue due to the bowel surgery and changes in diet, unfortunately I am unable to eat anywhere outside of home, a lot of different foods now cause me to require looking at a bathroom wall for an hour or two, this can happen instantly and without warning, at 48 I have to wear the equivalent of diapers.
Lets add the last problem, while I was recovering from surgery I was put on Oxycodone an opiod for the pain (after all I had a 6 hour operation and a 29cm cut down my stomach), unfortunately due to the above and it being so close to my Wife's death I started having visions hallucinations of Paola dying over and over on the bed I was lying on, every beep of machine every noise from the nurse set it off.
I have had to throw away my bed, I now sleep on the floor because if I lay on a bed those images come back to me.
Donations now will be going towards keeping me distracted, while I wait for the CT scan and results, I am running out of energy and fight.
Her and our story is here.
https://imgur.com/a/JSggx0v
http://deviantedge.org/
I started to create this on the 20th but could not cope, I just got home from the hospital, I was in from the 3rd to the 13th they did a right hemicolectomy, keyhole surgery did not work so it became a 6 hour operation and I have a 29cm wound from above my belly button to my navel.
Unfortunately I had to come off the primary painkillers for the operation Oxycodene because it gave me huge flashbacks and visions primarily to do with re-watching over and over again my wife die.
At the end of this month I will find out how much chemotherapy I need and how face if at all the cancer spread, I am facing this alone now and I do not believe that I have even started to mourn properly yet.
As the laptop goal has been reached and I am so thank full for that, I hope people are okay me increasing the goal amount because once the treatment is over what I probably need more than anything else is a break, a short holiday, somewhere away and help buying more audio books, the newest update will explain more.
Thank you to anyone who donates.
I would write more I am just so tired at the moment please share this.
Update, many things happened after Paola died and the major problems are just now hitting.
Money is really tight, see when Paola was alive and I was her Primary full time carer we had roughly £1500 coming in a month (that may seem a lot but when you factor in that is everything including disability) it just about covered things, the moment Paola died the income to the house dropped to £560 and because my cancer kicked in, food and heating was still high costs, I am just about covering primary bills.
My reactive depression is really hitting me hard at the moment that is above and beyond normal bereavement add on Bowel cancer and all the other issues and well the only thing keeping me sane and distracted is audio books or games and I am burning through them both like there is no tomorrow. Which according to my depression there may not be a tomorrow.
Results came back chemotherapy was not to be needed cancer hadn't spread from the tumour past the bowels, not to liver or to lymph system, great news and then they noticed a nodule in my lungs had grown between December and January (CT scans pre and post op) there is a reasonable chance my cancer jumped the lymph and liver going straight to lungs. I am going for a PET CT scan in the next week to 10 days.
Going on holiday will be an issue due to the bowel surgery and changes in diet, unfortunately I am unable to eat anywhere outside of home, a lot of different foods now cause me to require looking at a bathroom wall for an hour or two, this can happen instantly and without warning, at 48 I have to wear the equivalent of diapers.
Lets add the last problem, while I was recovering from surgery I was put on Oxycodone an opiod for the pain (after all I had a 6 hour operation and a 29cm cut down my stomach), unfortunately due to the above and it being so close to my Wife's death I started having visions hallucinations of Paola dying over and over on the bed I was lying on, every beep of machine every noise from the nurse set it off.
I have had to throw away my bed, I now sleep on the floor because if I lay on a bed those images come back to me.
Donations now will be going towards keeping me distracted, while I wait for the CT scan and results, I am running out of energy and fight.
Organizer
Jason Alcock
Organizer
England
