Life for Venka

$2,700 of $20,000 goal

Raised by 35 people in 4 months
Created September 18, 2018
Team Venka
Revised 12/13/2018 I am a 53 year old woman. Due to a vascular lacunar stroke, I have a cognitive brain injury caused by that stroke. It occurred 11/29/2016. I reveived a diagnosis from UCSF Neurovascular Services 11/1/2018 - from the scans that were done when I had the stroke. The medical staff who were "managing" my care, ignored almost all of the issues caused by the stroke. I have filed charges against them with the Medical Board. They also caused a delay to my receiving Social Security because they failed to follow standard stroke protocol and didn't refer me to doctors - such as a neurologist. I kept being told I needed to see a physciatrist - I am incontinent, it isn't because I went through "the change". I have no appetite and swallowing issues, I do not have an eating disorder or acid reflux. I did not have a minor stroke as the neurologist I finally saw through that other "medical group". I am not suffering from debilitating depression. I have a condition called Pseudo-Bulbur Affect and it is a real condition that you can receive medication for as your mind can become very chaotic and you can't handle it and you cry (or laugh). I cry so hard I can't talk. Psychiatrist my ass! (Sorry.) In any case, I am now homeless as a "friend" I had wanted me gone for whatever reason (BS and lies because I don't lie - ever). I have been homeless for a month and now know why God put me on this earth. I have met so many people that work, volunteer and give to the Homeless, especially Bod and Donna who are our shepherds and we are their flock. I want to continue what they are doing and make it easier for them to do their work for their ministry. To do that, I need to get through this awfulness. I have my appeal determination hearing on 3/20/2019 - less than 4 months away. I will be granted SSI due to my cognitive brain injury. I will be able to have my own home again. Move my things out of storage. As an artist, a photographer and a Craftswoman, if I lost what is in storage, I would lose my past and my future, and my memories of my beloved father, a decorated naval officer and seaman who served in WWII. Please, any donation will help me. Even that $5 meant for Starbucks. Buying hot food on food stamps is nearly impossible. I'm a diabetic with high blood pressure - I have to watch my diet and I take 12 prescriptions daily and 2 injectables (1 monthly and 1 weekly). Someone tried to break into my car a few days ago when I was sleeping in the homeless shelter. There are too many issues to explain. I am hurting and physically and mentally challenged. Being homeless changes you to a desperate person who will take advantage of anyone who has more than you do. That mindset is not one I want to become accustomed to. I still want to see the good aspects, as opposed to "what will they try to take from me".
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Update 28
Posted by Venka Anderson
6 days ago
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Money goes quickly when you are homeless and trying to survive. Gas for the car costs money and it's cold and more rain is on the way. Warm meals can't be paid for with Food Stamps - a frozen dinner can bo gotten for $2, but no microwave in the car or anywhere to microwave it.

A warm bowl of soup would be awesome, but good luck finding anywhere serving soup to the homeless. Pasta - sure! For a diabetic? Want to see me die? My A1C has gone up since being homeless because they serve poor people cheap ass food that is filling but not nutritious. You can try and not eat the "bad" stuff full of carbs, but vegetables are rare and fruit cocktail without High Fructose Corn Syrup is also rare. Protein? Some on certain days. With a Spork. Try eating a salad with a Spork. Or beef in slices with nothing but a Spork. You get gravy all over your ahirt because your eating with your fingers.

We can't even eat with utensils. A spoon thingy with prongs - in plastic. Chili would be nice - or soup with that damn spoon thing. At least treat us like adults, not 3 year olds.

Please. Food Stamps only goes so far. General Assistance only goes so far. I spent almost $50 to fill my tank. It's 15 gallons at a little better than $3 a gallon and I got it cheaper at ome station using grocery points. And I have to run the car every morning to clear thw windows and warm the 20 year old Cutlass up. 176,000 miles on that engine and she's making noises I'd take her to a mechanic for, but with no money, no help.

Please, I'm begging. There are a few people who have been helping, and God knows where I'd be without them. But it's a bit to keep me going from week-to-week. The stress of it is increasing my deficits and I'm in greater risk of another stroke.

I don't want that to happen. I want to live and I'm having a very difficult time jus doing that.
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Update 27
Posted by Venka Anderson
12 days ago
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Things are not going well for me, as homelessness will kill me via a TIA, or mini-stroke. This is too much of a chaotic and stressful life for someone who has a cognitive brain injury not caused by substance abuse. Just diabetes, high blood pressure and years of unrelenting stress that died in May of 2005. My damage was done. She made sure.

I have been to ER 3 times in in the last 6 weeks, every time due to a traumatic chaotic spiral due to the severing of the connection between my brain stem and frontal lobe, causing Pseudo-Bulbur Affect, an emotional breakdown. The last episode was so severe - caused by a young man who doesn't respect anything, has known gang ties, and a huge chip on his shoulder. He may be homeless, but he has deep psychological issues. He physically threatened my friend Will, even tried to start a confrontation with another man who had it out for Will over something trivial, threatened Will's little Chinese Crested Andy (an absolutes love and now my fur baby) and Will's car - which is actually mine.

We showed up at a homeless agency yesterday to register for services, and motor- mouth started up again. I became so upset, I had to leave and Will and I cried in the parking lot because it's as if no where is safe because we can't get away from Steven. I was so upset, Will had to drive and it's rare I let anyone drive Dad's car except me.

I can't go to the Warming Center that everyone is encouraging me to go to because Steven is THERE and with his "issues" that several people have complained to the staff about - he is still there, that ungrateful bastard. He even complains about the food THAT IS FREE from very good restaurants or is home cooked. And he eats a ton going back for thirds and fourths. After he's gone to another shelter and has been feed breakfast, lunch, dinner and several snacks. God, he is such a pathetic loser. And he has to use drugs, probably meth or a "dabber". Whatever. Freakin user. I can't stand drug addicts.

This is an ISSUE for me and there are no services for someone in my "condition". If I was 30 with 5 kids and a husband who beat me, they'd be rolling out the red carpet. Single, 53 and with a stroke history who is in a high risk category for another - oops, sorry, have you seeapplied to Social Security? We can help you once you have an income. Smile, assume cutesy pose, bat your eyes. Gak!!!

I've been working with a guy at CityServe, a group that services the homeless in the TriValley, and he has absolutely done nothing but offer lip service. No GoFundMe promoting, call 211 for shelter, no Gas cards, no gift cards for McDonald's - nothing. Go to the Warming Center. I can't without risking a TIA or a killing stroke. Why? Steven's there. Have you spoken to Donna? She was there when it happened AND he's still there. No, I haven't spoken to her, but I have texted her and I saw her briefly the when I stopped by and saw HIM and I told her I couldn't stay as long as he was there. And guess who is there still?

He threatenes lives and we have to find someplace else. The old gay guy and that bitch who's just like his mom.

I wouldn't have such a disrespectful son, that's for damn sure.

Due to my sudden homeless state in November, I "forgot" to do my SAR7 for reporting to the County for continued General Assistance and food stamps. I did that yesterday and went to Social Services. My worker is on vacation and hopefully the supervisor will update my file. In other words, without Will, I would have nothing. Again.

This day-by-day battle for a few bucks is wearing at me so much. My stroke deficits are becoming more pronounced, my left leg is atrophying and getting smaller, I am forgetting more, my circulation is worse, especially on the left, and I'm in a constant state of mental distress.

Cognitive dissonance, Mir? I think not. If I die, it's on your conscience. And Lee's as she created this mess and posted my plate number on Facebook because she thought I was stupid enough to record a video while driving. Fuck! I said I saw my friend's daughter at ER. I know over a dozen women with teenage daughter's and Lee assumed it was yours. And I get locked out for never mentioning a name. I protected her anonymity, and I'm now homeless with you holding my stuff hostage in your backyard with little notes to come and retape the tarp before the next rains set in. Gee thanks. Like being at your home is so freakin easy for me. My cognitive dissonance gets in the way. Where'd you learn that. Witch's pyschiatric certification?

My tags have expired and I'm known here now. No help for that or the bogus ticket I got over a year ago in Brentwood for not stopping long enough at the light before turning. I still have difficulty explaining things, and people assume it's because I'm high or on meth. And when I say I've had a stroke, have I received a doctor's clearance to drive? Hell, I drove myself to AND from the hospital when I had the stroke. Contra Costa didn't care or give a hoot.

I've been through too much. Please any help is needed. Please. I'm begging as my life depends on it.
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Update 26
Posted by Venka Anderson
18 days ago
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It's heading towards freezing where we are. 35F tomorrow morning, 27F Monday morning, and then 32F for several mornings thereafter.

My knees are killing me and I wake up in pain. I did this morning at 4:15am. Will doesn't say much, but the sounds he emits when getting out of the car, and back in, I feel it too. I know that pain from my back being screwed up for 30 years! He's just 3 years older, yet we walk like we're in our 80's! It's a hot mess.

He's having boy-time with some friends. He needs that. I'm not a conversationalist anymore, so he can enjoy himself appropriately, or hold court. LOL He can be so fabulous. He makes me smile with pure joy.

Yet, I was warned he's a bad influence. I've heard that before, and my Best Friend is a pain in the patutie and he's not currently talking to me, but I won't give up on a 40 friendship just because he was a "bad influence". Too many cherished memories of silliness. Thinking about him makes me smile - and he's as straight as they come. Mom wanted his as a son-in-law. Nope! He's my brother. And Will is much in that same category. Besides, we're scouting for the same team. He's looking for a switch-hitter. LOL

I'm reaching out to charities to try to raise $20-$50 so we can afford to stay in a motel for a few nights, especially New Year's Eve. Crazies will abound and cop's will be searching for troublemakers. Two people is a car? They must be up to something illegal!

I got pulled over the other night - because my tags expire this month and I drifted ovee the line, supposedly. Could barely see "the line" because it's so dark and the lane markers are so dim. Will told me that my plates are known now, especially since we've been sleeping at the Walmart by the "creek", and they keep an eye on the Creek Tweakers.

We slept at Safeway last night. I've been around Creek Tweakers enough thank you.

Please hell me live.
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Update 25
Posted by Venka Anderson
19 days ago
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It's 8 am and I've been awake for an hour. We slept in the car again last night. Andy woke us up. He was whining because he was cold. Chinese Crested Powderpuff doesnt have hair to keep him warm. My knees were so cold they could barely function as I made my way into Walmart and the bathroom.

At least my Diet Dew wasn't frozen in my commuter mug. If it gets that cold in a couple nights, God only knows what it'll do to me.

I don't want to find out.

I can't go back to the Warming Center. I'm scared to death to. I hate to use the word "traumatized", but I've been verbally threatened twice in less than 5 days. Other's can deal with it, but I can't.

There is a medication I can receive for the Pseudo-Bulbur Affect, but the insurance won't pay for it without a prescription from a specialist such as a neurologist. Neurovascular Services at UCSF didn't specifically identify the PBA in their notes. I don't see the neurologist until January 10th.

Complete BS, but this is what I am dealing with on a daily basis.

And it's getting colder. It may drop to 27F on Monday morning.

Will's in a lot of pain. He see's an orthopedist later today, but it's the first visit to determine what's wrong. He had the blanket last night. He needed to stay as warm as possible. I worry about him. I can't loose him. Or Andy.

Please help.
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$2,700 of $20,000 goal

Raised by 35 people in 4 months
Created September 18, 2018
Team Venka
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