Justin's Ball Was a Traitor Fund

My name is Justin, for those who don't know me. Not sure really where to begin with this as I generally don't ask for assistance with much of anything and I hate the idea of asking for money. 

I suppose we could start at the beginning.

About two to three months ago I noticed a mass in one of my testicles accompanied by a dull ache. I, of course, waited a bit thinking it was probably just an irritating anomaly that would go away on its own, like Dane Cook's acting career, but after 2 weeks or so of no improvement I decided to visit a doctor. Upon examination he concluded that it was likely a case of epididymitis which is a fairly common infection that is usually treated quite easily with some antibiotics. So, I received my two week supply of drugs and off I went. 

Two weeks later, after finishing all the pills, there was zero improvement, so I scheduled another appointment with the doctor. Upon exam, he agreed there was no improvement and he was doubting the probability of it being epididymitis. I was scheduled for an ultrasound later that afternoon (8/4/15) and to make a long story short, was in surgery by Friday having my own personal Benedict Arnold removed from the home that kept him safe all these years. Yes, my ball sack is America and "Lefty" was now a fully converted member of the British invasion force. He had to go.

("I guess that makes me George Washington!...")

After examination of the now removed traitorous scum, the mass was identified as a non-seminoma germ cell tumor containing embroynal carcinoma. There was evidence in the vascular cells of the tissue they removed that indicated probable spread to the left lymph nodes near my kidney. Along with the CT scans which also showed enlargement in the lymph nodes in that area.

To sum up a little on how lymph nodes work, they are like the human equivalent of the Death Star trash compactor. Except they make more sense than that thing ever did and actually serve a more realistic purpose. (Seriously... a trash compactor on the Death Star? A trash compactor? I haven't even been in a house with a trash compactor since at least 1995....) 

("Gentlemen, I've figured out the trash problem for our artificial PLANET.....we'll compact it. Brilliant! ")


Anyway, imagine your body as the Death Star - and you have all these "obvious" ways of getting rid of waste... like just shooting it into space....(or in reality, the toilet.) But internally, you have ways of breaking down cells properly and orderly (converting stuff, vitamins, minerals, nutrients, etc). The lymph system itself carries many of these nutrients around your body but also contains special white blood cells that are great fighters of foreign invaders. (Like France, but the opposite)  

Lymph nodes are a magical place in the lymph system where all the random garbage gets filtered through, like a check point... ( toxins, viruses, cancers, the last Indiana Jones movie, etc). Things your body determines to be garbage floating around, but doesn't really have a designated "spot" to put it... The lymph nodes allow entry and act as your Death Star compactors to trap and eliminate. 

A tumor, its fluids, drainage, etc, is essentially considered "garbage" by your body... what happens sometimes with these tumor cells is instead of being compacted and eliminated in the node by those special white blood cells, the tumor cells might just Forrest Gump it instead and sit there for a while telling their life story, allowing them time to transform into "Dianoga" (as much as that sounds like a legit medical term...I just mean the disgusting tentacle monster that lives in the trash compactor in the movie...) and Dianoga wants to make the whole Death Star (your body) its new home. 

("Oh, hey white blood cells.......have a chocolate..... " )


I have been giving blood through this entire ordeal in order to gauge the "markers" they use in determining "tumor levels". In the coming days and weeks I will be meeting with an oncologist to discuss further treatment options. From my understanding this will include Chemotherapy no matter what, but depending on the "markers" found in my blood it is still up in the air on whether I will undergo another surgery to remove the affected lymph nodes so "Dianoga" doesn't make a home for itself out of my sweet fleshy bits. This surgery seems a little more in depth and would be in-patient for a few days rather than the out-patient style that the Orchiectomy was. 

As you can probably guess, this is all a very sudden and unexpected financial annoyance, like if Tom Cruise was jumping on my couch every single morning screaming "SHOW ME THE MONEY!" as Danny Devito crawls out from inside of said couch and slaps me in the crotch, repeatedly. 

(Frankly out of Tom or Danny... I'm not sure which is more frightening to me...)


I suppose I am putting aside some pride and asking for assistance in getting Tom out of the house. DeVito should subside on his own in time. 

I really can't express my absolute appreciation for any help I'm able to receive, even a dollar would mean a lot. 

Thank you!