Jaxson's Journey to heaven
Donation protected
This is our story
On July 21, 2016 god picked JJ and myself to be the parents of an amazing handsome son. His name is Jaxson Jesselee Lial-Garza. I thought to myself man he's going to be so mad at me when he has to learn to spell and write his name lol. He was a month early and was in the nicu for 2 weeks. I thought this was the hardest thing I ever had to do. Pick where I was needed, at home with my 4 amazing children that needed me or being with my new born son, so he wasn't alone. All I could do was sit and pray he would fight to get better. We all wanted him and we waited everyday to finally be able to bring him home. I'm sure he never in a millions years thought he had so many people waiting for him. He had 2 amazing sisters, 2 amazing brothers, a father who loved him unconditionally and a mother who not only in love with him but Overly protective as well, grandmas, uncles and aunts. I was so blessed to call him my son, that I kept him pretty much to myself. I know sounds selfish, but I needed him. I was in a dark place at that point with postpartum depression (which I never had experienced before.) I overcame it because of Jaxson. I turned down medications and started going to the lake. Many didn't understand the peace I found out there. There's no fighting or judgment. It became our second home and I enjoyed every second of it. Jaxson and I had a very very different and special bond. Hard to explain but I knew every movement or sounds he was going to make or do before he did. From the moment I heard his cry at birth, I instantly went into protect mode. I know every mother does this but this was different. I became obsessed and always felt he was going to be taken from me or something was going to happen. I thought I was going crazy because the first day he was okay, on to day 2, day 3, 1 month, turned into 4 months. I went back to work November 10th. I stayed at home for 6 months and I was given the opportunity to stay home with him till he was almost 4 months old. I've never been able to stay home with any of my children that long. Always went back 6 weeks after birth. I was so scared to go back to work but I needed to trust. Trust that JJ would make sure he was okay until I 530 when I would walked in the front door. The look in Jaxson's eyes with the huge smile on his face was the best feeling in the world. Gave me comfort that maybe I was being just a little bit over bearing. JJ went to many lengths to make sure I felt included and knew what was going on while I was at work. We shared his 1st Halloween together as a family, he was the cutest lil batman I've ever seen. His 1st time eating baby cereal, which he absolutely loved. He never once had a problem eating off of a spoon and made sure he ate every last bit of it. His 1st Thanksgiving which he tried mash potatoes for the first time and loved it. I decided to plan a little family get away at lake mead. No electronics just family time. We did just that and it was perfect. Our tent and camp area was full laughter, smiles, and of course a little messy. Which is not out of the ordinary when my children's are involved :) we spent a lot of time at the lake. Fishing became a competition in our family and if anyone knows me, I Hate to lose. Which by the way I'm still in first place JJ :) just wanted to remind you of that :)' We even bought kayaks just so fishing wasn't restricted to shore only. The day after thanksgiving I drove into town for faiths cheer practice. When I went back I had hope and Jaxson with me. So I picked both of them up and started my down to our camping spot. Which is about a 20 min hike. Hope was helping me hold her baby brother as I held on tight to both of them. I said don't worry hope I won't drop you guys. I'm always going to protect you and that I love both of you. I leaned into Jaxson ear and said my lil man no matter what I will always love you to the moon and back. I don't even know why I would say this but I held him a little tighter and continued to walk. Singing twinkle twinkle little star and patty cakes. He loves those songs and would laugh like he thought I was crazy. If I had to be crazy to see that smile on his face all the time, then so be it, I'll be crazy all the time. I started fishing then had to run to pick Faith up from cheer. I decide to go alone and give JJ time by himself with them. Which I don't do often. Sorry JJ but not sorry :) faith and I returned and JJ being the amazing dad he is put our babies Joshua, Hope and Jaxson to bed. I popped my head into the tent, just to make sure everyone was okay sound asleep. When I seen Jaxson I was so proud to see him not only sleeping but JJ even made a little bed just for him. So he wouldn't be near anyone or anything and that Jaxson couldn't roll or push himself over. Which we forget sometimes as parents due to life being so busy at times. I was so proud of JJ and it let me for the first time since having Jaxson breath with ease. We all were in the tent, all 5 children asleep and I smiled thank god for the family he has given me. I just wanted to spend time with my family and that's just what I got. I woke up ran to the bathroom and went back to sleep. Then the worst possible thing happened, the one thing a parent shouldn't I mean SHOULDN'T have to ever feel. I didn't see Jaxson, i pantic and screamed for Jaxson! As i pull his blankie off the side of his cheek, jj poped up panicing. There was Jaxson motionless, with a blank lifeless stare. I instantly started CPR, gave orders to JJ and the kids on what I need them to do. Faith took charge and got all the kids and JJ out of the tent, JJ took care of the kids, faith was on the phone with 911 and I was doing CPR praying to hear him cry. I continued CPR over and over and over and still nothing. I told him I'm not going to give up, so you cant give up either. I said, "Please don't take my baby from me, I need him." Still nothing, A man ran into the tent, he said "Yes! You do know how to do CPR." He then asked "If he can take over the compressions?" I continued to breathe for my lifeless son. This went on for about 40 minutes until help arrived. They placed him on the AED machine and there was nothing. We keep doing CPR, the paramedic cut of his clothes. Jaxson's onesie said, "Best lil brother" and that he was. Flight for life was in route and ready to land, and more medics/park rangers were almost here. We turned Jaxson to his side and looked at his back. I know exactly what they seen and I knew the look in their eyes. I immediately told them "It's okay stop." I said, "Stop!" I didn't want them to continue and feel any guilt. I brought him into this world and I was given the opportunity send him on his new journey. I didn't want anymore pounding on his tiny little chest. They cancelled the helicopter and all of the other help that was on its way. I said, "They needed to be available to go to the next call, maybe they can save a life." Some may not understand my decision, but I don't regret it. If you know me every life matters and I would help anyone in need without hesitation. I knew my son was not coming back. I wrapped my son up with his favorite blanket and held him tightly. I was numb, I laid him down and wrapped my body around him. Cladding and singing was mine and his favorite thing to do together. I sang his favorite songs over over again twinkle twinkle little star..... patty cake patty cake and told him over and over again just how much I love him. He was so loved and touched many hearts. I prayed to his papa (JJs dad) His auntie (JJs sister) and Johnathan (my best friend) please take care of him and love him the way we all do. He was and still will be my world. Jaxson has no clue what he has done for me. Loving me the way he did, gave me strength that I didn't have. The investigators questioned us and we were interviewed twice. It's like they tried to blame us for this. They tried to play JJ and I against each other. It was awful, I know they have a job to do, but not once did they have compassion until the interview were over. JJ and I had to replay step by step to metro detectives, but this time we had a baby doll. This by far was the second hardest thing I had to do in my life. Every single person that was there from a volunteer grief lady,detectives, park rangers and coroners guy, were nothing but loving towards my son. They didn't treat him as he was nothing, they treated him like the baby he was. They were so careful with how they held him, even held his head softly as he was given to me for the last time. He was so cold and heavy, I rocked him and sang to him for the last time. I loved on him for the few minutes I had left. Giving him back to the guy was now the hardest thing I have ever did again. I could've held him forever and never let go. I sit here still not knowing how or what to do, all I do is cry. JJ has been such an amazing spouse and friend to me. I definitely don't know how I would do this without him. God prepared him for me and we all know I'm definitely a handful, at times. I'm a mess and I'm scared because of how I feel. I'm broken, a piece of me is missing. I can't fix this and it's a hard pill to swallow. I know I have to be okay for my other children, but it is easier said than done. Don't know how I'm going to do this, but I take one second at a time. The pain I feel is indescribable and every time my heart beats it hurts. I received a call from the coroners office stating, "That there are no signs of anything, he died from natural causes SIDS. I've feared this moment, since the minute I was pregnancy with faith 14 years ago. I woke up yesterday and this morning crying cause I woke up. I cry almost every minute of the day. I love my son and I miss him so very much. Please don't stop yourself from reaching out to us,we need as many people in our corner as possible. Even if that means letting the past be the past. Life's too short to let things that's really don't matter, ruin friendships or family relationships.
Please if your a parent hug a little tighter and tell your baby/babies you love them. There's never to many times you can tell your baby/babies you love them. Teach them everything you can like playing baseball, how to fish and cherish all the 1st like 1st time you baby says "MOMMY" Cause I will never be able to teach Jaxson or hear him call me mom or even walk him to his first day of kindergarten. These moments are so precious, don't take them for granted. I would do anything to be able to do all this with my sweet boy. Now, I only can hope for is that his papa, auntie and uncle teaches him in heaven. I wish I could tell him one more time just how much I love him. I don't wish this feeling on anyone. Please pray for our family we definitely need it.
I've never asked for help before, but a go find me account is made. If you could find it in your hearts to help donate , know someone that would help donate and/or share the go fund me for Jaxson post. I would greatly appreciate from the bottom of my heart. No parent should have to bury a child. To make sure he has a perfect burial, we do need help. Never in a million years did we think we would have to bury one of our children. Now I only have 4 children to look after here and 1 angel that's watching over us. I've only worked 8 days and now I have to take more time off of work. I pray all the time another parent doesn't have to go through this horrible pain. Just left the funeral home and I can't believe the amount it cost. I just want to lay our baby to rest, properly. I don't want to fail my son. I want him proud of being a Lial-Garza baby.
Please pass this on and please help me.
We love you Jaxson (baby JJ) always and forever
7-21-2016
-
11-26-2016
Funeral:TBA I will post please don't stop yourself from coming, It will help us.
Our email is [email redacted]
Go fund me name is: Jaxson's journey to heaven
On July 21, 2016 god picked JJ and myself to be the parents of an amazing handsome son. His name is Jaxson Jesselee Lial-Garza. I thought to myself man he's going to be so mad at me when he has to learn to spell and write his name lol. He was a month early and was in the nicu for 2 weeks. I thought this was the hardest thing I ever had to do. Pick where I was needed, at home with my 4 amazing children that needed me or being with my new born son, so he wasn't alone. All I could do was sit and pray he would fight to get better. We all wanted him and we waited everyday to finally be able to bring him home. I'm sure he never in a millions years thought he had so many people waiting for him. He had 2 amazing sisters, 2 amazing brothers, a father who loved him unconditionally and a mother who not only in love with him but Overly protective as well, grandmas, uncles and aunts. I was so blessed to call him my son, that I kept him pretty much to myself. I know sounds selfish, but I needed him. I was in a dark place at that point with postpartum depression (which I never had experienced before.) I overcame it because of Jaxson. I turned down medications and started going to the lake. Many didn't understand the peace I found out there. There's no fighting or judgment. It became our second home and I enjoyed every second of it. Jaxson and I had a very very different and special bond. Hard to explain but I knew every movement or sounds he was going to make or do before he did. From the moment I heard his cry at birth, I instantly went into protect mode. I know every mother does this but this was different. I became obsessed and always felt he was going to be taken from me or something was going to happen. I thought I was going crazy because the first day he was okay, on to day 2, day 3, 1 month, turned into 4 months. I went back to work November 10th. I stayed at home for 6 months and I was given the opportunity to stay home with him till he was almost 4 months old. I've never been able to stay home with any of my children that long. Always went back 6 weeks after birth. I was so scared to go back to work but I needed to trust. Trust that JJ would make sure he was okay until I 530 when I would walked in the front door. The look in Jaxson's eyes with the huge smile on his face was the best feeling in the world. Gave me comfort that maybe I was being just a little bit over bearing. JJ went to many lengths to make sure I felt included and knew what was going on while I was at work. We shared his 1st Halloween together as a family, he was the cutest lil batman I've ever seen. His 1st time eating baby cereal, which he absolutely loved. He never once had a problem eating off of a spoon and made sure he ate every last bit of it. His 1st Thanksgiving which he tried mash potatoes for the first time and loved it. I decided to plan a little family get away at lake mead. No electronics just family time. We did just that and it was perfect. Our tent and camp area was full laughter, smiles, and of course a little messy. Which is not out of the ordinary when my children's are involved :) we spent a lot of time at the lake. Fishing became a competition in our family and if anyone knows me, I Hate to lose. Which by the way I'm still in first place JJ :) just wanted to remind you of that :)' We even bought kayaks just so fishing wasn't restricted to shore only. The day after thanksgiving I drove into town for faiths cheer practice. When I went back I had hope and Jaxson with me. So I picked both of them up and started my down to our camping spot. Which is about a 20 min hike. Hope was helping me hold her baby brother as I held on tight to both of them. I said don't worry hope I won't drop you guys. I'm always going to protect you and that I love both of you. I leaned into Jaxson ear and said my lil man no matter what I will always love you to the moon and back. I don't even know why I would say this but I held him a little tighter and continued to walk. Singing twinkle twinkle little star and patty cakes. He loves those songs and would laugh like he thought I was crazy. If I had to be crazy to see that smile on his face all the time, then so be it, I'll be crazy all the time. I started fishing then had to run to pick Faith up from cheer. I decide to go alone and give JJ time by himself with them. Which I don't do often. Sorry JJ but not sorry :) faith and I returned and JJ being the amazing dad he is put our babies Joshua, Hope and Jaxson to bed. I popped my head into the tent, just to make sure everyone was okay sound asleep. When I seen Jaxson I was so proud to see him not only sleeping but JJ even made a little bed just for him. So he wouldn't be near anyone or anything and that Jaxson couldn't roll or push himself over. Which we forget sometimes as parents due to life being so busy at times. I was so proud of JJ and it let me for the first time since having Jaxson breath with ease. We all were in the tent, all 5 children asleep and I smiled thank god for the family he has given me. I just wanted to spend time with my family and that's just what I got. I woke up ran to the bathroom and went back to sleep. Then the worst possible thing happened, the one thing a parent shouldn't I mean SHOULDN'T have to ever feel. I didn't see Jaxson, i pantic and screamed for Jaxson! As i pull his blankie off the side of his cheek, jj poped up panicing. There was Jaxson motionless, with a blank lifeless stare. I instantly started CPR, gave orders to JJ and the kids on what I need them to do. Faith took charge and got all the kids and JJ out of the tent, JJ took care of the kids, faith was on the phone with 911 and I was doing CPR praying to hear him cry. I continued CPR over and over and over and still nothing. I told him I'm not going to give up, so you cant give up either. I said, "Please don't take my baby from me, I need him." Still nothing, A man ran into the tent, he said "Yes! You do know how to do CPR." He then asked "If he can take over the compressions?" I continued to breathe for my lifeless son. This went on for about 40 minutes until help arrived. They placed him on the AED machine and there was nothing. We keep doing CPR, the paramedic cut of his clothes. Jaxson's onesie said, "Best lil brother" and that he was. Flight for life was in route and ready to land, and more medics/park rangers were almost here. We turned Jaxson to his side and looked at his back. I know exactly what they seen and I knew the look in their eyes. I immediately told them "It's okay stop." I said, "Stop!" I didn't want them to continue and feel any guilt. I brought him into this world and I was given the opportunity send him on his new journey. I didn't want anymore pounding on his tiny little chest. They cancelled the helicopter and all of the other help that was on its way. I said, "They needed to be available to go to the next call, maybe they can save a life." Some may not understand my decision, but I don't regret it. If you know me every life matters and I would help anyone in need without hesitation. I knew my son was not coming back. I wrapped my son up with his favorite blanket and held him tightly. I was numb, I laid him down and wrapped my body around him. Cladding and singing was mine and his favorite thing to do together. I sang his favorite songs over over again twinkle twinkle little star..... patty cake patty cake and told him over and over again just how much I love him. He was so loved and touched many hearts. I prayed to his papa (JJs dad) His auntie (JJs sister) and Johnathan (my best friend) please take care of him and love him the way we all do. He was and still will be my world. Jaxson has no clue what he has done for me. Loving me the way he did, gave me strength that I didn't have. The investigators questioned us and we were interviewed twice. It's like they tried to blame us for this. They tried to play JJ and I against each other. It was awful, I know they have a job to do, but not once did they have compassion until the interview were over. JJ and I had to replay step by step to metro detectives, but this time we had a baby doll. This by far was the second hardest thing I had to do in my life. Every single person that was there from a volunteer grief lady,detectives, park rangers and coroners guy, were nothing but loving towards my son. They didn't treat him as he was nothing, they treated him like the baby he was. They were so careful with how they held him, even held his head softly as he was given to me for the last time. He was so cold and heavy, I rocked him and sang to him for the last time. I loved on him for the few minutes I had left. Giving him back to the guy was now the hardest thing I have ever did again. I could've held him forever and never let go. I sit here still not knowing how or what to do, all I do is cry. JJ has been such an amazing spouse and friend to me. I definitely don't know how I would do this without him. God prepared him for me and we all know I'm definitely a handful, at times. I'm a mess and I'm scared because of how I feel. I'm broken, a piece of me is missing. I can't fix this and it's a hard pill to swallow. I know I have to be okay for my other children, but it is easier said than done. Don't know how I'm going to do this, but I take one second at a time. The pain I feel is indescribable and every time my heart beats it hurts. I received a call from the coroners office stating, "That there are no signs of anything, he died from natural causes SIDS. I've feared this moment, since the minute I was pregnancy with faith 14 years ago. I woke up yesterday and this morning crying cause I woke up. I cry almost every minute of the day. I love my son and I miss him so very much. Please don't stop yourself from reaching out to us,we need as many people in our corner as possible. Even if that means letting the past be the past. Life's too short to let things that's really don't matter, ruin friendships or family relationships.
Please if your a parent hug a little tighter and tell your baby/babies you love them. There's never to many times you can tell your baby/babies you love them. Teach them everything you can like playing baseball, how to fish and cherish all the 1st like 1st time you baby says "MOMMY" Cause I will never be able to teach Jaxson or hear him call me mom or even walk him to his first day of kindergarten. These moments are so precious, don't take them for granted. I would do anything to be able to do all this with my sweet boy. Now, I only can hope for is that his papa, auntie and uncle teaches him in heaven. I wish I could tell him one more time just how much I love him. I don't wish this feeling on anyone. Please pray for our family we definitely need it.
I've never asked for help before, but a go find me account is made. If you could find it in your hearts to help donate , know someone that would help donate and/or share the go fund me for Jaxson post. I would greatly appreciate from the bottom of my heart. No parent should have to bury a child. To make sure he has a perfect burial, we do need help. Never in a million years did we think we would have to bury one of our children. Now I only have 4 children to look after here and 1 angel that's watching over us. I've only worked 8 days and now I have to take more time off of work. I pray all the time another parent doesn't have to go through this horrible pain. Just left the funeral home and I can't believe the amount it cost. I just want to lay our baby to rest, properly. I don't want to fail my son. I want him proud of being a Lial-Garza baby.
Please pass this on and please help me.
We love you Jaxson (baby JJ) always and forever
7-21-2016
-
11-26-2016
Funeral:TBA I will post please don't stop yourself from coming, It will help us.
Our email is [email redacted]
Go fund me name is: Jaxson's journey to heaven
Organizer
Mirandaluvs Jaxson
Organizer
Las Vegas, NV
