Baby Jordan Layne

Jordan Layne was conceived in April of 2016 and was wanted more than any baby could be. Her big brother and sister were so excited!! I had a completely normal pregnancy up until 25 weeks when I went in for a routine ultrasound. "Your baby is so active! It's a girl!!! She sure is in an odd position, it's hard for me to get pictures." So she said I am gonna let you lay here and see if she changes positions, I just can't get the pictures I would like. So out she went, and she did this twice, I was so happy with news of her gender and seeing her that I didn't stop to think that there was something wrong. Then she brought in another technician, to "help her get the pictures so they wouldn't be blurry" she tried very hard to not let anything on, but after my mom and I left I said I think something is wrong, she was quick to reassure me and calm my fears as we drove home. About two miles from my house my phone rang, I saw it was my OB/GYN and I knew. The nurse started talking and my heart had already dropped, everything blurred together, congenital diaphragmatic hernia, specialist, lungs, kidney, liver, intestine, heart, how much more could be affected? My head was spinning and I couldn't even drive. I pulled over and just muttered to my mom she's sick. I drove to my sisters to pick up the kids and told her there. I started my fervent research and found that the diagnosis wasn't great but I was optimistic, there were babies who beat this everyday. I joined fb groups I messaged other moms. I stayed cautious though. Then a little over 2 months later at 33 weeks and 5 days, the contractions started. They weren't strong but I monitored them for an hour and called my doctor. They wanted me to come in though because of her condition and me being early, no chances were being taken. I arrived at chambersburg hospital at 8 o clock. I was immediately hooked up to monitors to find I was contracting for sure. I was checked to find I was 4 cm 60% effaced. A flood of nurses came in, shots here and there and IV's with all different medicines to stop my labor going in. Calls were made to the big nearby hospitals to see who could take on me and baby with CDH at 33 weeks. An hour later I was 5cm 90% effaced. Hershey it was. I said goodbye to John and Jenna (big brother and sister) and left them excited that baby sister was on her way!! They sent a helicopter and in 25 minutes I arrived. They continued the medication to stop my labor and told me to get some rest, the pain was mild so I tried to. Specialists came in all through out the night to talk to me about Jordan's prognosis and what would happen when she was born. While they all indicated a lengthy hospital stay and one if not multiple surgeries, they didn't give her a terminal diagnosis at all. My contractions slowed and we thought I was going to stay pregnant for a little while longer so I called my mom and told her to bring the kids up to visit so that I could see them. They arrived around 6 o clock and I woke up from a nap with much more intense pain and contractions, I told the doctors and they thought I might just be exhausted and need pain relief but after an hour they checked me at 8cm and 100% effaced it was time to have a baby!!!! They broke my water at 9cm and the kids were standing by my side, there was no point in them leaving since I was 10cm after they broke my water so three pushes later and Jordan Layne was born, kicking and trying her hardest to cry.
It was so sad to watch her gasping and hear nothing but she was whisked over to the incubator in my room where a team went to work on her. I couldn't even see her but I tried to stay happy because the kids were absolutely elated, even though I could hear them starting chest compressions and counting. All of a sudden I heard the sweetest, and only cry she would ever let out, she was intubated and whisked to the nicu with a quick stop by me and the kids for a kiss and a cuddle. They told me they'd let me know when they got her upstairs and stable so that I could visit.
It was two long hours until I got the call and I couldn't get the nurses to wheel me up fast enough. I got up there and saw my beautiful four pound girl in her incubator. She was covered in wires and her chest was shaking to the point of almost vibration from the oscillator which is the type of vent she was on. Aside from that she was four pounds of absolute perfection, not a single flaw to her tiny self with her dark brown hair. I stayed with her through half the night holding her hand, stroking her head and spoke with the doctors who said she was stable and was going to have tests run in the morning. The next morning I went up first thing to visit and they were doing an ultrasound and were about to do some minor procedures. I left and they said they would call me when they were done I went downstairs called all of my family, updated them, sent pictures, even rested for a little. I got my pump and got our room at the Ronald McDonald house set up. Three hours later the doctors called to say I could come back up so I hurried upstairs. When I walked into the nicu and saw the doctors I almost knew. They pulled me into an empty room and sat me down to explain that Jordan's entire liver had migrated into her chest cavity, preventing her left lung from forming anything but a tiny sliver of muscle and organ tissue. Her stomach and intestines pushed on her right lung (this is why we couldn't get pictures of her with ultrasound everything was just too covered up) giving her pulmonary hypoplasia and hypertension. The vessels in her right lung were so constricted they couldn't even put oxygen out to her toes. Her right lung was only developed to that of a 19-20 week baby and it was malformed as well. They had her on the highest setting on the oscillator and her oxygen levels were on a slow decline. The doctor likened her condition to a plane overseas gradually crashing as it tries to make it to land rather than dropping straight out of the sky. She said there was no more she could do and at this point I broke down. I was all alone there and she urged me to call family. After 20 minutes or so I called my sister dad and mom and told them all to come now. I went to Jordan's bedside and talked to her, gently stroked her head and cried for my sweet girl who was indeed slowly declining. Family arrived and we spent time with her bathed her and the kids were just ecstatic, until we broke the news. We had Jordan put on a regular vent as we could not hold her on the oscillator and they gave us a special room we all held cuddled and talked to her.
She passed at 7:54 pm. Three minutes shy of 24 hours old. A photographer from now I lay me down to sleep came in and took pictures and my life since that moment has been a blur. Yesterday we had her viewing and said our final goodbyes.

My soul is crushed without my baby girl here with me. I wish more than anything I could have fixed her. These past six months I have been adjusting to life as a single mother and this just really is the worst thing possible to go through alone. Her funeral costs, and having her cremated are one thing but I would love to have her ashes made into jewelry for myself and John and Jenna as well which isn't cheap either. The kids aren't taking this well and I wish that they didn't understand at all but sadly they do. We are all going to do counseling but truthfully I need help with making ends meet and living expenses before I go back to work. I would love to be able to spend time with my children to grieve and heal as a family before returning to work but as it sits that just cannot happen. Anything is so greatly appreciated and needed. We welcome your prayers most of all. Thank you all so much.