The Divorce I Can't Afford

I am embarrassed and ashamed to be on here asking for money. I've been married for over 10 years to a guy who got a better life and up and left me and my daughter without warning. (He's a big, important rock star now.) The last support we received from him was in August, so times have been very tight. My business is only one year old, and while it's doing very well, I'm not in the position for it to support all of our bills and needs yet. Currently I am living on my credit cards. He is making really good money and has hired the best, most expensive, top rated lawyer in town. I cannot afford one at this time. He has offered a "settlement" which includes me checking in with him every month, asking for money, showing profit and loss business statements, and only counting business expenses that he finds "acceptable".  Then he will deduct this amount from what my personal expenses are and then he will give me support as he sees fit. I do not want to be bullied into having to contact him every month and beg for money! But in order to accomplish this, I have to be able to hire a lawyer and pay them the whole way through until the end. I'm told it could go up to $20-30K. 
  Even in hiring a lawyer, I'm not sure how it will all go because I have been communicating with my ex, trying so hard to solve it without getting lawyers and getting nasty. Also I have held on to a lingering hope that our marriage could somehow be saved. I've heard that my words can be used against me, and I've been on an emotional rollercoaster since he dropped the bomb on me, and while I haven't said anything out of line, he's already twisting facts and stories, rewriting history. 
  I'm scared out of my mind, and hurt, angry, shocked and embarrassed. The only reason I have set up this account is because many people have said I should. So I figured why not try? If I could balance the power and control he has over me and this situation, I can be free of him. Then I can concentrate on growing my business, caring for my DAUGHTER, and healing from this horrible ride I've been taken on against my will. I would be so, so SO very thankful, and maybe I can even sleep at night again.