New Developments / I need your help again!

I started this GFM 2 years ago and it was successful in raising the funds needed to hire a custody lawyer and secure primary custody of my daughter when her father decided to move to another city. It took awhile to work out, but we eventually agreed in mediation to terms that gave me a modest amount of child support, primary custody, and a visitation schedule. I had hoped that everything had been set right, but I was disappointed (but not surprised) that my ex almost entirely bailed on the visitation schedule he agreed to. His parents stepped into his place and my ex MIL became the co-parent, while my ex’s inaction was excused and, IMO, enabled by his family. This went on for over a year, with zero accountability from my child’s father.

Fast forward to early 2026… I decided to apply to a few grad schools to pursue my MFA in an effort to better secure future employment as an adjunct art professor to supplement my artist income. The programs that felt like the best fit were located outside of Tennessee. One of the schools I applied to, Pacific Northwest College of Art in Portland, Oregon, accepted my application and offered me a full merit scholarship, essentially making my degree free.

In order to comply with the law, I needed to notify my ex of my intent to move with 60 days notice. I had asked my landlord to extend my lease by 3 months so that the legal process had more time to work itself out before moving, however they only allowed me one extra month before I had to move. This meant I had to find a new place to live by June 1st and if I was going to move to a new state with my daughter, the notice had to be sent by April 1st, and I had only received acceptance/denial from 1 of 3 programs before then. Otherwise, I would have sent the notice sooner. It is what it is.

What followed was several harrowing months of threats, accusations, bullying, stalking, and coercive attempts to scare me into giving up full custody if I chose to go to grad school. My ex, his parents, and extended family built a false narrative, painting me as a horrible, neglectful parent. They accused me of horrific crimes, threatened to file police reports and have me arrested, and demanded that I have a psychological evaluation to prove that I’m sane. This came in the form of long texts, emails, and voice messages sent to me through his family. Friends of my ex were stalking me on social media, and my ex and his family even published a long “article” with all these accusations and their own GFM for their lawyer’s fees.

The psychological effect on me was profound and traumatic. I did not respond to most of their attempts to destabilize me. Of course, my lawyers had been made aware of every one of these attempts. I had hoped that he and his family would understand that I’m just trying to create a better life for myself and my daughter because Nashville did not have the resources I needed to succeed. Plus, my ex-husband hardly participated in the schedule he agreed to, so why would he fight me so hard for custody of a child he barely spent his time with?

Fast forward to May 31. My apartment is almost empty. I’ve put as much of my and my child’s belongs into a POD container, sold or gave away everything else, and put everything immediately needed into my car. I was supposed to have sold my car and picked up a rental car for the drive across the country with my 2 cats and daughter. I had booked an AirBNB for 5 nights and canceled the rental. I had an application in on an apartment in Portland but put it on hold since I didn’t know when I could move. I had a breakdown that day because nothing was going as I had hoped it would.

Over the next 6 weeks, I unexpectedly spent thousands not on moving expenses, but airBNBs, hotels, rent for temporary summer home, and other living expenses. I was not able to make any real income since my entire online shop was shut down while my printer, materials, and art studio were all in the storage POD. The money I had set aside from my successful oracle deck Kickstarter for moving was gone by the time I was actually able to move.

Meanwhile, the bill for my lawyers grows larger. My ex refuses to mediate and I refuse to give into his bullying and threats. I know that moving to Portland for grad school is the best choice for me and my daughter, that I can and will be a full time grad student and a single mom and do both well. At the same time, I feel it would be prudent to finally get a formal autism diagnosis, as the accusations being thwarted at me feel like a projection of my ex’s own pattern of psychosis.

The diagnostic process costs $1.5k but it felt necessary, also because I recognized that I needed ADA accommodations in grad school to be successful. Getting the diagnosis gave me permission to reframe my life experience in a way that finally made sense. After all, my daughter was already diagnosed and accommodating her needs caused me to accommodate my own by extension.

Fast forward to mid-July. There hasn’t been much progress on the legal side, but suddenly, my ex has decided to start following the predetermined visitation schedule, which meant my daughter was spending 2 weeks with him, then 1 week with me, alternating. The first two weeks seem to go well enough with my daughter returning to her grandparents a little early due to somebody getting sick. The next 2 weeks with her dad only lasts about a week before she returned to her grandparents. After that, I have a window of opportunity to make the move to Portland because the apartment I applied for was ready for me to move into and my summer house rental was ending. There was no assumption that Penny was moving with me, just that I had to move in time to start grad school. Instead of driving across the country, we flew with our 2 cats and 2 bags of our belongings, stayed overnight in a hotel by PDX then I signed the lease on my downtown apartment the next day.

Just 2 days in Portland was all it took for my daughter to tell me she wants to live here with me. I told her I was trying to work it out so she could live with me here. I returned her to Nashville after a week to spend 2 more weeks with her dad. Except that in that 2 week period, he visited her once. She didn’t even go to his home this time. Meanwhile, the tune seems to have changed and my ex is no longer pushing for custody but wishes to contribute as little as possible In child support. In fact, at this point, his mother is now the one handling communication with their lawyers.

After those 2 weeks when Penny was supposed to be with her dad, it becomes clear that Penny will be coming to Portland and starting school here at the end of August. I pay for Penny to fly back to Portland a week later, and she’s been here in Portland with me for one month now.

Here’s why I’ve picked up this GFM again: I’m in major debt from all the unexpected expenses incurred this summer trying to relocate from Nashville to Portland and legally bringing my daughter with me. The goal is $6000 which will help me catch up on debts incurred. This includes multiple flights, fees, hotels, Airbnbs, rent, living expenses, the autism assessment, and lawyers fees. Since I started grad school, I’ve been living on student loans taken out to support myself and my daughter for the next 2 years. Because it’s such an intensive program, any income I’m able to make is minimal, and starting this journey in debt is going to handicap my ability to make the best of this time.

If you’re able to contribute, I sincerely appreciate it. Despite making it here in Portland, there are still unsettled situations that threaten to dismantle this incredible opportunity I’ve received to pursue my MFA. I’m just not in the position to find these funds via traditional means, despite my very best effort to avoid this situation. Thank you.