Help Cole feel pure gender euphoria

Helllooooo! I didn’t think I would ever find the courage to make one of these pages but listening to some good friends and reaching out to community, loved ones and strangers!! so here goes…hi, I’m Cole. My “stage name” (ew) is Nicole Raquel Dennis. I’m an actor from london and I’m non binary. My journey with identity is so up and down sometimes I can’t keep up with it. Where I’m at now with it is pure dysphoria. I suffer with PCOS (Polycystic ovarian syndrome) which is truly the devil of dysphoria. It’s completely messed up my hormones. Which has resulted in me on endless tablets and THE pill. Taking the pill when non binary can be such a strange experience as you’re grateful the pain and symptoms of PCOS slow down around your cycle but then also the hyper feminisation is trippy. The pill also causing my boobs to grow bigger, hips to grow, you get the jist. Experiencing such a “female hormone” issue has been the root of my dysphoria these past few years. Trips to the nhs become harder as they refuse to acknowledge your identity even after you mention it several times.

I don’t know what Cole looks like 20 years down the line but what I know is Cole right now doesn’t feel right in their body. It’s tough being an actor when also going through major gender identity discoveries and it’s been difficult navigating that. Having to close the door to a lot of things because they just don’t align with you gender wise anymore, being part of an industry that only sees you one way because of the way you look. I wake up most days and don’t recognise who I am or where I fit in anymore because of my body. But I know the future holds big things for me in terms of gender euphoria and I truly can’t wait to be there one day. So all that to say I’ve started looking into some surgeries to affirm my gender. Surgeries that when I look in the mirror I can see exactly what I feel internally as a non binary person. One being my boobs! I had them reduced a couple of years ago and having them smaller honestly changed my life for the better but they’re still big and binding can be so painful sometimes especially when on stage. These are all going to cost a lot as I want to go private and avoid non binary shaming within the nhs which I’ve experienced for a while.

There’s so much happening in the world and cost of living is ridiccccc so I truly understand that people don’t have money to be donating to someone’s go fund me. So please know any donation is greatly appreciated but more than anything, more than this, please please hold and support your non binary friends because damn dysphoria is something I thought I would’ve left in my teens but alas. Thank you for reading this, love you sweet peas