My beautiful treasure boy Dexter B

I don’t even know where to start writing this. Although Dexters chemo had seemed to be working wonderfully, we’ve had zero problem or side effects and all his lymph nodes had gone back to a normal size. These last few days after feeling some lumps reappear in his neck the horrible and devastating news is the chemo has stopped keeping the cancer at bay and he’s had a relapse.

Absolutely broken and crying my eyes out whilst typing all this. See My boy saved my life, a few years back I was in a dark lonely place and I took the choice of trying to take my own life. When I woke in hospital the realisation the weeks/month after I never once felt selfish or guilty towards those who love me, I knew they would be upset but I knew they could talk about me when ever they was feeling down.

The one thing I did feel selfish for was My Dexter. Getting over a failed suicide attempt, you honestly don’t think that you have a second chance, you think the opposite. You still have an illness which really does takes time to heal. So in the months after where I used to think of either doing it again or I wish it worked first time, I then would instead sit and think of how much he is obsessed with me (and vice verse) and I would ask myself how would he understand that I’m no longer here for him? Who would He share his morning tea and digestives or would people know to take him to his special favourite walking spots. So every time I get myself down and dark again, he pulled me back up and out. He is my absolute saviour.

Getting this news of his cancer few months ago, my mind has completely gone again but once again he’s been there for me, keeping a smile on my face even tho that face is covered in tears daily.

Now we’re going to start a more expensive and aggressive treatment plan that will hopefully give us even more precious time together.

The hardest part that is hurting me the most if the fact the vet today and this whole time said His heart, liver, lungs and full blood count reads of a very Healthy and fit Dog. He’s literally running around like normal on 3 walks a day, He’s not missed a single meal and hasn’t had any sickness and has even put on good weight and kept it.

This whole thing has crushed me.

I’m not ready to let My boy go and equally He’s not ready to leave Me.

I spent 4 years building a highly successful business, two days after originally finding out He has cancer I quit pretty much everything. I couldn’t bare to be out the house so I stopped everything and just took the financial hit

With my insurance company refusing to pay anything more the 1,800 towards his treatment, I’ve currently paid out 6,500 to the vets with a further 5,000 to go. Money has been no option and would pay anything, I might at some stage set up a go fund page to see if I can a put a dent in the 11,000 bills. But for now I’m just gonna concertante and continue to cuddle and walk My bestest mate.

I Love You treasure My boy, let’s keep going x