When it's time to say goodbye!

Hello,my name is Kelly im a mother of 3 very special kids who have been young carers from a very young age along with my hubby of 24yrs in November.

I have many chronic health problems that has lead to me being housebound and bedbound.

My main health conditions are, HEART FAILURE MITRAL VALVE REPLACEMENT AORTIC VALVE REGURGITAION, CHRONIC KIDNEY DISEASE STAGE 4, FIBROMYALGIA, DIABETIC TYPE 1, DIABETIC RETINOPATHY, PERIPHERAL NEUROPATHY, HYPERLIPIDAEMIA,RECURRENT DEPRESSIVE DISORDER, GALLBLADDER/GALLSTONES, OVARIAN CYST'S each of my medical conditions have many syptoms that go along with the daily struggle ie; brain fog, chronic pain, mobility problems etc I have extremely poor mobility which ment i needed to start using a wheelchair when my eldest was around 12 which I suffered verbal abuse for. This made me not want to leave the house. My eldest was in secondary school and was experiencing some bullying. I didn't want her to be bullied because of me. So i suppose you could say i hid away. This led to me having anxiety, depression and agoraphobia.

My eldest was around 7 when i started to need more help. At first it was my hypo's that i would need them to help me come around from. My medical journey started 2mths before my 18th birthday I was diagnosed with type1 diabetes.

We started a family 2002 our daughter was born by emergency C-section. I nearly lost my life through internal bleeding.

I then started to get alot of body pain but just thought I was run down. our second daughter was born by C-section in 2003. The all over body pain was increasing in severity but I was plodding on and started suffering with depression. over the next few yrs my diabetes was uncontrolled I was getting alot more symptoms and was diagnosed with fibromyalgia where I would struggle to climb my stairs and in 2009our son came along 2mths early and it was only because I was in hospital at the time with tonsillitis that my sons was not stillborn. I was waiting to be discharged when they couldn't get my sons heartbeat within minutes I had a room full of people firing all these questions and giving my all the info to get me to sign paperwork. I was rushed to theatre. This was extremely distressing. after wks in hospital we got to bring my son home thankfully but because of the trauma of his birth my body started to have a massive flare up of symptoms my mobility deteriated when my son was 5 we started loosing grandparents and my parents within 2yrs of each other both unexpected. 2days after my mom got cremated I swelled up and couldn't breath I was blue lighted to hospital where they couldn't understand why I was so unwell and wasn't getting better I had every test they could do and it was only during a endoscopy they picked up the huge problem with my heart. My mitral valve had looked like a bomb had gone off in my chest. My aortic valves was leaking so I had to go to Coventry hospital to have open heart surgery. before they could operate I had to have all my teeth removed and needed to be more stable for surgery to be safe. they scheduled the surgery but it got moved because of my stability but just as the pandemic hit of March 2020 I got taken to surgery for my mitral valve to be replaced with a mechanical valve and my aortic valves to be fixed I made videos for my family telling them how much they ment to me. During the surgery I blead out and had a longer recovery with 3blood transfusions. The surgery didnt go to plan. I was in and out of hospital for the past 4yrs. 2020 I asked my consultant how long I had left in which he told me usually max of 5yrs so at the start of the yr I got asked by my palliative care team to sign a DNR which made us start thinking about what I want when I pass. I don't want a typical funeral for the fact it's alot of debt to leave my family with so all I want is a simple cremation. I know my family would like to give me the best but it's not something I want them to spend money on. I would prefer them to have me cremated and my family to take my ashes on a well deserved, long awaited holiday and scatter a small amount on a beautiful beach. We haven't had a family holiday for along time we had a 2day break 2yrs ago but my eldest couldn't come and I was poorly for the whole break we have never took my youngest 2 abroad and my eldest was 6mths when we took her abroad she's now nearly 23 I want them to go away as a family and start there new lives with sunshine on there faces sand in there toe's and the sea up to there knee's while i watch over them. Recent tests on my heart shows it's not as deteriated as they was expecting so with fingers crossed I may have another few yrs in me. if my target is met and there is money over I would like to make some last memories with my kids and hubby I want to be able to pay for a simple cremation. If we are lucky enough to be donated more money than the cost of a simple cremation we would love to able to have a small break before I become to unwell which would be fantastic. I want my son to have more memories of his mom than the only ones he has of me being 99% bedbound...I appreciate any help anyone can give my family my heart goes out to the many family's also struggling during these difficult times. As a family we want to thank everyone for sharing and even reading my post. Yours greatfully.

The Robinson family.